Ex-Haredim in Israel shaken by spate of suicides

Ex-Haredim in Israel shaken by spate of suicides

Seven formerly ultra-Orthodox young adults have committed suicide in 18 months; 'My goal is to prevent a wave,' says activist.

By Yair Ettinger

Haaretz - January 6, 2014

Also see: Sexual Violence and Suicide: Information and Prevention

The young people who gathered Sunday at Jerusalem’s Shamgar Funeral Home were unfortunately no strangers to the place. Only Thursday they had been there for the funeral of M., a friend who had committed suicide, and now they were there for A., who had also taken her own life.

Both of the dead had been in their 20s and grown up religious, but had chosen to leave the observant way of life. According to those working with Haredi young people who decide to leave their communities, seven such young adults have committed suicide over the past 18 months.

A., the seventh, hadn’t actually been Haredi. She came from a religious Zionist family in Jerusalem’s Katamon neighborhood, and became friendly with a crowd of former Haredim only after her divorce. Unlike many of her new friends, she had not been disowned by her family. On the contrary, she lived near her parents, who were helping her support herself and her 3-year-old daughter.

A., a fragile, smiley young woman, became actively involved with the community of former Haredim, developed a relationship with a former Ger Hasid. He committed suicide a year and half ago by inhaling cooking gas. Over the weekend, A. jumped to her death at a Tel Aviv hotel.

These last two suicides have shaken up the community of former Haredim, which numbers several hundred, many of whom forge close relationships with one another to replace the families that in many cases have abandoned them. The feeling that they are part of a solid, growing community has increased over the past few years as members connect through Facebook groups and forums, some run independently and some by Hillel, an NGO that helps former Haredim fill the gaps in their education and make the transition into general society.

Hillel director Yair Hass says his group has 450 registered members, with 20 people seeking to leave the Haredi community contacting them every month. Three of the seven suicides were Hillel members. “Seven members within a year-and-a-half is a tragedy for a small community like ours,” said Hass. “But I’m not sure this represents an increase. Today our group is growing rapidly and everyone knows what’s happening with everyone because of the social networks.”

As often occurs, the recent suicides have led to spontaneous memorial gatherings and the opening of new Facebook groups in which the deceased’s friends post recollections and eulogies. Older activists are trying to moderate the responses somewhat, fearing that preoccupation with the suicides may lead to desperate acts by members who are considered at risk. Hass estimates that some 20 people affiliated with Hillel are in this category.

“My goal now is to stop this from becoming a wave,” he said. An interview with him on Sunday was interrupted when he had to deal with a 21-year-old girl who had been posting threatening statuses on Facebook.

Hass was in close contact with M., who had grown up in a Lithuanian-Haredi household, and was aware of M.'s suicidal tendencies. Hass had finally convinced M. to seek treatment as an outpatient at a psychiatric facility in Netanya. Last Tuesday, however, M. showed up, apparently uninvited, at his brother’s engagement party in Jerusalem, and a relative later told Hass that M.’s brother demonstrably ignored him. The following day, as he was returning to Jerusalem from his therapy session in Netanya, he stopped in Ramat Gan, climbed up on a crane at a building site, and jumped to his death.

On Thursday, the day of M.’s funeral, Hass got another troubling report. A Hillel psychologist told him about another young man who was threatening to commit suicide with two other young women, one of whom was A. Although none of the three knew M. personally, his death had apparently influenced them. A.’s friends told Haaretz that she was constantly talking about taking her own life, and even declared that “after another one commits suicide, I’m next.”

After making sure that the young man would spend the weekend with an older Hillel member, Hass inquired after A. and her friend, who told Hass that she and A. had each made plans to spend Shabbat with a different friend, whose names she gave. But late Friday night, the friend called Hass and confessed that she had lied. She and A. had rented a room in a Tel Aviv hotel and planned to commit suicide.

Though the women would not tell him at first which hotel they were in, Hass raced from Jerusalem to Tel Aviv and called the police to give him their cell phone numbers so they could be traced. En route to Tel Aviv he finally got the women to tell him that they were at the Sheraton Hotel, and informed the police. But before either Hass or the police could get to the hotel, the friend called Hass to tell him that A. had jumped to her death.

“When people ask me how I am with this, I refuse to answer,” Hass said Sunday. “I don’t answer, and I don’t think about whether I could have done better or done worse. Our goal now, with the minimal resources we have, which includes only two social workers on staff and other volunteers, is to prevent a wave.”

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FAIR USE NOTICE

Some of the information on The Awareness Center's web pages may contain copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, etc.

We believe this constitutes a 'fair use' of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without profit to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes.

For more information go to: http://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/17/107.shtml . If you wish to use copyrighted material from this update for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

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"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has."  –– Margaret Mead

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Israel launches first-ever national suicide-prevention council

Israel launches first-ever national suicide-prevention council

New council to reduce suicide rate includes representatives of government, HMOs, NGOs, academia and the army.

By Ido Efrati 

Haaretz - Nov. 26, 2013

The Health Ministry has established the country's first-ever national suicide-prevention council. The council will assist in carrying out national suicide-prevention programs. based on a successful pilot program conducted in three communities — Ramle, Rehovot and Kafr Kana — that ended about eighteen months ago.

The findings of the trial program showed that training gatekeepers to locate residents at risk decreases the number of suicides. People who are identified by the trained gatekeepers as potential suicide risks are referred to public mental-health clinics run by the Health Ministry for urgent appraisal, using a rapid referral procedure.

The 25-member council, headed by Professor Gil Zalsman, deputy-director of Geha Psychiatric Hospital in Petah Tikva, met last Thursday for the first time. Its members, who were appointed by Health Minister Yael German, include representatives of government ministries, HMOs, academia, the prison service, the army, the public, non-profit organizations and professionals. Its establishment is part of a broad master-plan for dealing with the issue of suicide. Talks are underway with the finance ministry for the estimated NIS 40 million per year that implementation of the plan will require.

The goals of the program are to identify people at risk, provide information and train therapists and gatekeepers, according to Dr. Boaz Lev, deputy director-general of the Health Ministry. It also aims to restrict access to items that could be used to commit suicide, such as weapons, medications and places that are likely locations for suicide.

“We must break the conspiracy of silence and create public discourse and awareness,” said Lev, who headed the steering committee that introduced the pilot program in the three communities in March 2012. Instances of suicide were significantly underreported and took place at a 20 to 35 percent rate higher rate than the statistics show, he added.

In Israel, more than 500 people (roughly twice the traffic-accident fatality rate) commit suicide every year and more than 5,000 people are hospitalized after having attempted suicide. The latest official statistics, which were published by the Knesset’s Research and Information Center last month and cover the years 2007 to 2010, show an increase of roughly 40 percent, from 290 cases of suicide in 2007 to 431 in 2010.

Still, the number of reported suicides is lower than the actual rate. The reasons for such underreporting, which have to do with stigma, shame and insurance considerations, among other things, cause health officials in many places around the world to assume that the number of actual suicides is about 25 percent higher than those that are reported. Suicide is the second-highest cause of death in Israel among males aged 15 to 24 and the third-highest cause of death in the 25 to 44 age bracket, with the suicide rate among new immigrants markedly higher than in the rest of the population.

At the start of the council’s meeting on Thursday, German said, “The time has come to push aside the stigmas that have become attached to the issue of suicide and stop sweeping the subject under the rug. Families whose members commit suicide should not have to live with a feeling that they carry the mark of Cain on their foreheads.” She added, “Suicide is not a contagious disease. We must talk about it and put it on the agenda, and do everything possible to reduce its occurrence.”

The results of the pilot program were also discussed at a meeting of the relevant cabinet ministers early this month, rsulting in a proposal that will be submitted to the cabinet soon. Besides German, the signatories to the proposal include Social Affairs Minister Meir Cohen, Education Minister Shay Piron, Immigrant Absorption Minister Sofa Landver and Pensioner Affairs Minister Uri Orbach. The Prime Minister’s Office is involved with the master plan as well. If the plan should be approved and carried out, the suicide-prevention council will be expanded to include an interministerial steering committee, a dedicated unit at the Health Ministry and a ministerial committee, among other agencies.

“The day the council was established is a special day, and I say that as one who has been working in this field for more than 20 years,” said Zalsman, the council chairman. “This is the first time that something is being done about the issue at the government level. Just like we’ve taken the approach that traffic accidents are not predestined, when it comes to suicide there are many examples worldwide of how to lower the suicide rate by means of simple actions."

"For example, the British reduced the number of pills in a bottle of painkillers, bringing down the suicide rate by 29 percent. Many times, suicide is an impulse, and if a person can’t obtain the means to do it, they’ll give up on the idea.” Zalsman added, “There are areas throughout the world that are described as ‘hot spots’ — places where people commit suicide, such as the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco, where 1,300 people commit suicide per year. Nets were installed there to prevent people from jumping, together with telephones to suicide hotlines, and the suicide rate declined to zero. People did not go on to the next bridge to commit suicide. They simply gave up on the idea.”

One model that the council draws inspiration from is the army’s suicide-prevention program, whose findings were presented to the council members in the opening session. According to various estimates, the army has succeeded in reducing the number of suicides from a high of 40 to 50 per year to a single-digit number by means of a system-wide change of approach that includes educating commanding officers, expanding the mental-health system and assertive treatment.

Although German took up the challenge as soon as she began her term as health minister, non-profit organizations have been working for years to raise public awareness about suicide and its prevention. One such organization is Bishvil Hahayim (Path to Life), which supports families in which a member committed suicide. “The pilot is supposed to be part of a national program, but things got stuck once it ended,” says its chairman, Dr. Avshalom Aderet, who is also a member of the new suicide-prevention council. “There is still the matter of the budget, but the fact that five cabinet ministries came on board says that after 65 years, the state will take responsibility for what happens here.”

Deb Tambor and the Quasi-Chasidic Town of New Square

Deb Tambor and the Quasi-Chasidic Town of New Square

By Vicki Polin

Rabbi David Twersky (Skvere Rebbe) and Deb Tambor Z"L

When you deal with a quasi-chasidic community that appears to be mimicking a cult, innocent people end up dying -- in the case of Deb Tambor I call this murder by suicide. 

Judaism is about each individuals relationship with G-d, and not the power and control various rabbonim seem to be implementing over their congregants and or community members. From the experiences shared with me from various individuals (OTD survivors) who walked away from communities like New Square, they left in hopes of being able to experience "Free Will". 

I've never seen so many young people feeling trapped within a system in which they felt they had no alternative but to end their lives. With the number of suicides coming out of New Square along with a few other quasi-chasidic communities, I fear the number of deaths will surpass the number of those who died in Jonestown. I pray to G-d all the time that the federal goverment will start investigating the "alleged" corruption that is going on in this town –– in hopes of preventing one more person ends up committing suicide. 

I want to remind everyone who is feeling hopeless or trapped that there is help available to you. You can always call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline 1-800-273-8255.


Also see:  

• Cults, Mind Control, Sex Crimes and the Jewish Community
• History of the Jonestown Massacre
• Ex-Chassidic Woman Speaks Out: Perl Prery on Dr. Phil
• In death of Ex-Hasid estranged from her religious children, a mirror for trauma of many 
• In Memory of Deb Tambor
• The quasi-orthodox Jewish world compared to the "BITE" Model of Cult Mind Control 

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Background History of the cultic practices of New Square, NY

1. Welcome to New Square  (03/22/2010)  
2. New Square appoints Vaad to deal with sexual abuse (04/22/2010) 
3. New York Man Badly Burned in Religious Dispute in New Square (05/22/2011)
4. Wedding in New Square, NY (08/17/2011)
5. Hasidic Jewish teenager admits setting neighbor on fire after disobeying a prayer order  (02/08/2012)
6. Rockland County District Attorney enables sex offender from cultish town (09/012013)
7. Ex-Hasidic woman's apparent suicide sparks funeral strife (10/01/2013)
8. In death of Ex-Hasid estranged from her religious children, a mirror for trauma of many  (10/02/2013)
9. Case of Shmuel Dym
10. Case of Kal Holczer
11. Case of Rabbi Yucher Kohn
12. Case of Rabbi Herschel Taubenfeld

In Memory of Deb Tambor

In Memory of Deb Tambor

February 8, 1980 - September 27, 2013

Deb Tambor was the type of person who would do what ever she could to help those she knew who were struggling, including Jewish survivors of sex crimes.  At the age of 33, Deb died suddenly. This page is dedicated to honor her memory in hopes she will never be forgotten -- and as a way to thank her for saving so many peoples lives.

If you have a memory of Deb you would want to share with others, please forward it to The Awareness Center for consideration for this page.  

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Table of Contents

2013

1. Deb Tambor and the Quasi-Chasidic Town of New Square  (10/01/2013)
2. In Memory of Deb (10/07/2013)

2014

1. Loved ones recount New Square abuse victim Deb Tambor, who committed suicide last year (01/29/2014)

Also See:

1. In memory of Jewish survivors and activists

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In Memory of Deb

By Michael J. Salamon

The Times of Israel - October 7, 2013

I was moved the other day when a woman in her late 50’s told me that she cried when she heard about Deb Tambor.  The woman did not know Deb, in fact she had never even heard of her until that awful day when Deb passed. Apparently many members of her community were speaking about what had transpired. This woman is Chasidic and very much into her lifestyle. She told me that she cried inconsolably for hours because “It is not supposed to turn out this way. People should not be bullied. It is not what we are taught to do for one another. We are supposed to be kind to each other. How she lived her life is between her and god. They had no right taking her children away from her and harassing her.” I sympathized with the woman but I also pressed her by asking her if there was anything that she thought might be accomplished within her community to prevent anymore such terrible tragedies. She had only one sad response. She shrugged her shoulders as tears welled her eyes.

 am of a different perspective. I like to believe that there is always something that can be accomplished if there are people willing to take a stand. When I was told that there was no such thing as abuse in the Jewish community and that if I attempted to speak about it publicly I could be shunned I did not sweep it under the rug and pretend to move on. Taking a stand against wrong is an innate human quality. Most individuals know when something is incorrect, unethical and wicked. Sometimes a form of pluralistic ignorance prevents people from acting. If they see others acting in a certain way they tend to go with the majority. But most are willing to take a stand against wrong it if they are part of something larger, a group, and not even necessarily a large group, of like minded people.

Today, October 7, happens to be anti-bullying day. If you see groups of school children wearing blue shirts today it is a symbol that they are taking a pledge to stand against bullying. Bullying takes many forms. Deb was bullied. She was bullied by a community that she left. She was bullied by family. Deb was bullied away from her children. Legitimate issues may have been at play in her divorce. I have no insight into that. But I do know that the rigidity and ferocity of the attitudes and attacks against her have no place in law or in Halacha.

Change is forever possible both from within a system as well as from the outside. I would like to believe that despondency and futility can and should be stricken from the human condition. I also know that this tragic event can be a turning point in getting us to bring change to a system desperately in need of it. Someone who was bullied can feel trapped and is almost always despondent. Instead of giving in to this sense of hopelessness we can create an environment of support and a means of communication to help those who need it. Instead of more despondency let us vow to work together to bring new meaning from the tragic event.

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Loved ones recount New Square abuse victim Deb Tambor, who committed suicide last year

Hudson Valley News 12 - January 29, 2014

Deb Tambor's boyfriend claims the abuse she suffered growing up in New Square was covered up. 

NEW SQUARE - As a New Square rabbi awaits trial on sex abuse charges, the boyfriend of another New Square victim is joining the calls for change in how sex crimes are handled in Rockland County. 

Abe Weiss says his girlfriend, Deb Tambor, was sexually abused by her uncle during her childhood in New Square. Weiss claims the rabbi in town knew all about the abuse she suffered, but covered it up. Tambor eventually left the Hassidic community and moved to New Jersey with Weiss. She took her own life last September.

Weiss says he hopes people will be more aware of what's going on in the community. 

Since Tambor's suicide, a young man in New Square has come forward, claiming he was sexually abused for five years by Rabbi Moshe Taubenfeld, who's now facing ten years in jail. A judge adjourned Taubenfeld's case for two months.

Rockland County District Attorney Tom Zugibe says there's been a rise in sex crimes in the county because people are becoming more confident in coming forward.

DebTambor from The Awareness Center on Vimeo.

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FAIR USE NOTICE 

Some of the information on The Awareness Center, Inc.'s web pages may contain copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, etc. 

We believe this constitutes a 'fair use' of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without profit to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes.

For more information go to: http://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/17/107.shtml. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this update for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

_______________________________________________________________________________

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has."  –– Margaret Mead

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The Science of Happiness - An Experiment in Gratitude

July 11, 2013

Regarding the month of Elul on the Jewish calender

For those of you who are not familiar with the Jewish custom, the month of Elul is a time for self-examination, meditation and prayer as we prepare for the High Holidays.

As we begin the month of Elul, we all must keep in mind that one out of every four children will be sexually violated by the time they reach eighteenth birthday; one out of every 6 women and one out of every 33 men will be sexually assaulted during their lifetime. My wish is that we each and everyone of us will take time to focus on ways as individuals we can help empower those who have been sexually victimize and come up with a plan in how you will do that in the years to come.

My hope for survivors, is that each and every survivor will find ways to heal, reach out to others and if you are good place, to start speaking out about the crimes that were committed against you. Your voice is part of the solution.

We also need to mourn those survivors who lost their lives directly from the abuse, from suicide and or drug overdoses.

Vicki Polin

Executive Director - The Awareness Center, Inc.

Abuse seen as cause of suicides

Abuse seen as cause of suicides

By Bill Zajac wzajac@repub.com

The Republican - Sunday, June 12, 2005

When James E. Thibault tried to kill himself three years ago, he left a note that shocked his brother.

Thibault, then 53, revealed to his brother for the first time he was sexually abused as a child.

Thibault's brother, Kickapoo Thunder of Chicopee, won't reveal the perpetrator's name, but said it was a man in training for the priesthood who was later accused by others once he served as a priest in the Roman Catholic Diocese of Springfield.

Thibault's obituary, prepared by his family, said: "Jim was a victim of sexual assault as a child by people claiming to be Christians. Like so many of our families who have been affected so tragically, Jim could no longer live with this burden and tragically ended his life."

"It explained a lot about the trouble and pain my brother experienced in his life," Thunder said.

Several weeks ago, Thibault's remains were found along the Connecticut River after what his brother and police believe was a successful suicide attempt.

Thunder believes the suicide was the result of the sexual abuse.

Although no hard data is available, Thibault is just one of hundreds of people nationwide and a handful in Greater Springfield whose deaths are linked to clergy sexual abuse, according to family members and victim advocates.

"Sexual abuse - clergy or otherwise - is a life-and-death issue," said Janet E. Patterson of Conway Springs, Kan., who has been an advocate for clergy abuse victims since her son, Eric, killed himself at 29 in 1999.

Patterson later learned that four other men allegedly abused by her son's accused abuser also killed themselves. There would have been a sixth if a story about Patterson's son and the other men hadn't been published. "Up until the story was revealed, he thought he was the only one," said Patterson.

Patterson, who speaks to many support groups, says it is rare for a clergy abuse survivor not to suffer suicide ideation.

"A friend of mine who is a victim once said she was going to take her secret of abuse to the grave, but then she discovered her secret was taking her to the grave," Patterson said.

David Clohessy, executive director of the Survivors Network of Those Abused by Priests, believes the Catholic church should try to determine how many deaths can be linked to clergy sexual abuse. He said it could be done through annual internal and external audits.

"Victims' families want their loved ones to be counted. They want something to become of their pain. Families feel the need to recognize their pain in some meaningful way," he said.

One father, Allen Klump, believing his ex-Marine son killed himself as a result of abuse by a priest in the Diocese of St. Louis, filed a wrongful-death lawsuit against the diocese two years ago. The suit is still pending, according to Klump's lawyer, Patrick W. Noaker.

Similar suits have been filed in other states, according to various news reports.

Patterson, Clohessy and others say isolation often leads to suicide.

"The most important thing an abuse victim can do is to get help in counseling and find support," said Clohessy.

The organization's Web site displays a suicide hotline number, (800) SUICIDE (784-2433) that will connect a caller to the certified crisis center nearest the caller.

"Once someone seeks help, it is hard to imagine that it won't get better ... Sometimes I can see survivors getting better in months, not years," Clohessy said.

The Rev. James J. Scahill of East Longmeadow, a vocal critic of the Roman Catholic Diocese of Springfield's response to the clergy abuse crisis, agrees with Clohessy.

"The challenge is to get someone to counseling. I'm not a counselor. I am a friend, an advocate. I am someone trying to keep someone's oars in the water," said Scahill, who has been approached for help by many sexual abuse victims.

He said clergy abuse has its own unique effects. "Not only did these young people suffer a molestation of the body, but there was also a slaying of the spirit," Scahill said.

Greenfield lawyer John J. Stobierski, who has represented 60 or so alleged clergy abuse victims, said many victims become so depressed and despondent that suicide seems the only way to escape their pain.

"I have been on the phone many late nights trying to keep survivors alive," Stobierski said.

"The number of victims who have been suicidal at one time or another is not trivial. There is suicide when someone consciously ends their suffering. And then there is suicide by those who do it slowly with drugs, alcohol, and engaging in other risky behavior," Stobierski said.

Some survivors call it suicide "on the installment plan." Raymond J. Chelte of Chicopee believes his son Raymond J. Chelte Jr. falls into that category.

He said his son fatally overdosed on drugs four years after he was one of 17 alleged sexual abuse victims of former priest Richard Lavigne who settled a suit with the Roman Catholic Diocese of Springfield for $1.4 million in 1994.

Peter Bessone, an alleged victim of Lavigne who was part of the $1.4 settlement with other Lavigne victims in the mid 1990s, said his cousin David Bessone committed suicide more than 20 years ago because of the abuse he suffered at the hands of Lavigne.

David Bessone, who was in his mid-20s when he died, never filed a suit or reported the abuse to diocesan authorities. "He didn't want anyone to know about it. He was too ashamed. He was a teacher and didn't want to jeopardize his job," Peter Bessone said.

Clergy abuse survivor Martin P. Bono of Chicopee said he believes the death of fellow clergy abuse victim Shawn M. Dobbert last summer was a suicide.

"I don't care what the medical examiner's report says, Shawn killed himself," said Bono.

The death of Dobbert, within hours of signing papers to settle a suit against the Springfield diocese, was ruled accidental by Berkshire County Medical Examiner Dr. Benjamin Glick.

Bono said his daily thoughts of suicide were intense and frequent during more than one year of litigation with the diocese.

"At one point I had to change the route I took to work because I was fearful I was going to jump off a bridge I crossed each day," Bono said. "I had so much pain that I couldn't tell my wife and kids. I cried five to six times a day. I felt isolated and angry and saw suicide as my ticket out of it."

Therapy was the key to feeling better about life, he said.

Upon settling his suit, Bono, with the diocese's financial support, established a resource center to help victims with everything from therapy to career counseling.

He said he stills thinks about suicide, but the feelings are less intense and less frequent.

Stobierski feels that most clergy abuse victims feel victimized twice.

"First, the priest molests them. Then, they feel victimized by an institution that covered up the abuse and has not dealt with them fairly as adults," he said.

For some, Patterson said, even therapy and support from loved ones and other victims isn't enough to save them.

"This is such a traumatic thing that some can't climb out of the black hole of depression," she said.

However, Stobierski said most of his 46 clients that settled suits with the diocese last summer are emotionally healthier today.

"For those who have received a small piece of justice from the church, they have been able to gain some control of the demons of clergy abuse. Most are in better place than where they were when they first came forward to deal with it," Stobierski said.

Understanding and Helping The Suicidal Person

Understanding and Helping The Suicidal Person

American Association of Suicidology - October 23, 2002

Be Aware of the Warning Signs

There is no typical suicide victim. It happens to young and old, rich and poor. Fortunately there are some common warning signs which, when acted upon, can save lives. Here are some signs to look for:

A suicidal person might be suicidal if he or she:

1. * Talks about committing suicide
2. * Has trouble eating or sleeping
3. * Experiences drastic changes in behavior
4. * Withdraws from friends and/or social activities
5. * Loses interest in hobbies, work, school, etc.
6. * Prepares for death by making out a will and final arrangements
7. * Gives away prized possessions
8. * Has attempted suicide before
9. * Takes unnecessary risks
10. * Has had recent severe losses
11. * Is preoccupied with death and dying
12. * Loses interest in their personal appearance
13. * Increases their use of alcohol or drugs

What To Do

Here are some ways to be helpful to someone who is threatening suicide:

1. * Be direct. Talk openly and matter-of-factly about suicide.
2. * Be willing to listen. Allow expressions of feelings. Accept the feelings.
3. * Be non-judgmental. Don't debate whether suicide is right or wrong, or feelings are good or bad. Don't lecture on the value of life.
4. * Get involved. Become available. Show interest and support.
5. * Don't dare him or her to do it.
6. * Don't act shocked. This will put distance between you.
7. * Don't be sworn to secrecy. Seek support.
8. * Offer hope that alternatives are available but do not offer glib reassurance.
9. * Take action. Remove means, such as guns or stockpiled pills.
10. * Get help from persons or agencies specializing in crisis intervention and suicide prevention.

Be Aware of Feelings

Many people at some time in their lives think about committing suicide. Most decide to live, because they eventually come to realize that the crisis is temporary and death is permanent. On other hand, people having a crisis sometimes perceive their dilemma as inescapable and feel an utter loss of control. These are some of the feelings and things they experience:

1. * Can't stop the pain
2. * Can't think clearly
3. * Can't make decisions
4. * Can't see any way out
5. * Can't sleep, eat or work
6. * Can't get out of depression
7. * Can't make the sadness go away
8. * Can't see a future without pain
9. * Can't see themselves as worthwhile
10. * Can't get someone's attention
11. * Can't seem to get control

If you experience these feelings, get help!

If someone you know exhibits these symptoms, offer help!

Contact:

1. * A community mental health agency
2. * A private therapist or counselor
3. * A school counselor or psychologist
4. * A family physician
5. * A suicide prevention or crisis center

Stopping a Suicide

Stopping a Suicide

by Sid Bernstein, Esq.

Aish HaTorah - June 8, 2001

Is stopping a suicide merely a question of public interest - or is it also a spiritual matter involving God?

Consider a man beset with multiple problems.

He is suffering from incurable cancer, has lost his job, is deep in debt, his wife wants a divorce, and he is estranged from his children. He decides to end his life and climbs over the rail of the Golden Gate Bridge.

As he is preparing to plunge into San Francisco Bay, he is spotted by police.

The police dispatch a highly trained psychologist, who talks to the man in an attempt to dissuade him from taking his life. In the meantime the police identify the man and confirm that all his problems are indeed true. He is not crazy, just distraught.

Should the police intervene? Whose life is it anyway?

THE FACTORS IN QUESTION

Is taking the man off the bridge is a legitimate use of police power?

Is it for or against the public interest to let people jump off bridges?

Is this a deeper issue concerning the preservation of life, or just a simple matter of public inconvenience?

Should society demand that he live - overriding his desire to end his own life?

Is there ever a time when suicide is justified, especially when a person is legally competent?

If a person has no choice about coming into the world, should they likewise have no choice when to go out?

Jewish Perspective

Judaism regards suicide as a criminal act. Someone who commits suicide is considered a murderer. It matters not whether he kills someone else or himself. His soul is not his to extinguish.

Judaism's opposition to suicide is found in the story of Noah's Ark. After the flood, God says to Noah:

Your blood which belongs to your souls I will demand; from the hand of every beast will I demand it. From the hand of every man; from the hand of every man who is his brother will I demand the life of man. (Genesis 9:5) 

The Talmud (Baba Kama 90b) learns from the first part of the verse, "And surely the blood of your lives I will demand," that one may not wound his own body. All the more so, he may not take his own life.

METAPHYSICAL LAWS

There is a deep spiritual consequence to suicide.

When a person commits suicide, the soul has nowhere to go. It cannot return to the body, because the body is destroyed. And it is not let in to any of the soul worlds, because its time has not come. This state of limbo is very painful. A person may commit suicide because he wants to escape, but in reality he is getting a far worse situation.

In this world, if we try hard enough sometimes we can solve the problem. But after death there are no solutions, only consequences.

When a Jew commits suicide, he is not permitted a full Jewish burial, and there is even a debate whether shiva (the seven-day mourning period) is observed or whether the kaddish prayer is said.

(In practice today, however, suicide is usually treated as a normal death, since it is assumed that the person was not of a normal state of mind.)

THE SUICIDE OF KING SAUL

In the Bible we see an incident in which suicide seems to be permitted.

The Philistines were battling against Israel, and the men of Israel fled from before the Philistines and fell slain on Mount Gilboa. The Philistines overtook Saul and his sons, and they slew ... the sons of Saul. The battle then focused against Saul. The archers found him, and Saul was terrified of them. Saul said to his armor-bearer, "Draw your sword and stab me with it, lest these men come to stab and torture me." But his armor-bearer did not consent, for he was very afraid. So Saul took his sword and fell upon it. When the armor-bearer saw that Saul was dying, he also fell upon his sword and died with him. (Samuel II, 1:5-10)

The Sages offer a number of reasons why Saul's suicide was unique:

• Saul feared that his enemies would use torture to try to force him to worship other gods. (Ritva - 14th century)
• Suicide is permitted in the face of an attempt at forced conversion. (Rabbeinu Tam - 12th century)
• Suicide is permitted only if the lives of others would be in danger as a result of torture. (Rabbi Shlomo Luria - 16th century)
• Saul acted out of respect for the Israelite kingship, as he feared the Philistines would mockingly parade him through their cities. In other words, he committed suicide to sanctify God's name. (Y'dai Moshe - 20th century)

In summary, suicide is absolutely prohibited, unless there are unusual and extenuating circumstances - e.g. forced conversion, endangering the lives of others, or sanctifying the Name of God.

DISCLAIMER: This module discusses sources for the purpose of education. Any real-life situation must be discussed with a rabbi, well-versed in Jewish law.