The Science of Happiness - An Experiment in Gratitude

July 11, 2013

Purim and Survivors Childhood Abuse (emotional, physical and sexual abuse

Purim and Survivors Childhood Abuse 

(emotional, physical and sexual abuse)

© (2010) by Vicki Polin

For most people, the holiday of Purim brings up great memories of dressing up in costumes and being silly.  For others Purim is very difficult and confusing time of the year.  It's a time that may conjure up past memories of parents or other adults who cared for them drinking a little too much alcohol and or being drunk.  When this happened their parent, grandparent or another adult care provider  might have lost their ability to control their anger, impulses and or inhabitions. 

For some Purim often mean that families get together, routines are changed, there is also the added stress of cleaning and preparing meals. These issues alone can be extremely stress producing. Unfortunately the reality is that there are parents who are already inclined to use their children as an outlet for emotions and urges. They are even more likely to do so when under the pressure of increased anxiety. Many survivors of childhood abuse report that they were abuse became more intense around and over all holidays (both Jewish and secular holidays).

It is not uncommon for symptoms of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) to emerge after times of relative remission and/or intensify in those already struggling. You may experience an increase in disturbing thoughts, nightmares and flashbacks. Thoughts of self-harm, even suicide, may be an issue. The important thing to remember is these feelings are about the past, that the abuse is over, and that it is of utmost importance for you to be kind to and gentle with yourself.

This is written as a reminder to all survivors: YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

It's important to remember that whatever works for you is OK --know that you are not alone, not wrong, not bad for having second and third and forth thoughts about how to celebrate and if to celebrate the holidays. Look into yourself and see what you need, then do what you can to do it, and be kind to yourself for needing to make these adjustments.

If you are a survivor of childhood abuse and this is a difficult time of the year for you, please make plans to be with friends or support people. Be sure to call suicide hotlines if necessary.  CALL: 1-800-784-2433 and you will be connected to a crisis center nearest to you.

Todah Rabah for Surviving!

This Too Will Pass –– A song for healing!

This too will pass
Music by Peter Himmelman

Photography by Vicki Polin

There's times we all get overwhelmed with all sorts of things that happen in our lives.  The following song many survivors have shared that they play over and over again to help them while they are experiencing symptoms of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder).

PTSD and Chinese Handcuffs

Have you or someone you know been sexually assaulted by a TSA worker? Contact The ACLU

The ACLU has received over 900 complaints from travelers in the United States about the TSA's new pat-downs, providing a unique vantage point on what is taking place at airports around the nation. These complaints came from men, women and children who reported feeling humiliated and traumatized by these searches, and, in some cases, comparing their psychological impact to sexual assaults.

Recurring themes in these reports include:
   • The searches are extremely invasive
   • Many travelers are reporting intense feelings of violation and humiliation
   • Some report being physically hurt by the searches
   • Some feel their searches are punitive
   • Reports of gawking by agents
   • Reports of seemingly unnecessary repeated touching of intimate areas
   • Many vow not to fly any more
   • Any traveler may be forced to undergo one of these searches

Click here:   to contact the ACLU

Could TSA workers be charged with sexual assault?

© (2010) by Vicki Polin, MA, LCPC

Over the last few weeks we’ve been hearing accusations that several TSA workers have been crossing that narrow line between an ethical pat-down and sexual assault against travelers in airports across the United States.  

Steve Wagstaffe, who is the incoming Chief Deputy DA of San Mateo said in a press release that his office “would prosecute TSA employees who engage in lewd and lascivious behavior while conducting Homeland Security mandated pat downs at the San Francisco International Airport in San Mateo County.” 

Wagstaffe stated “Any traveler who believes the TSA pat down has crossed into the widely reported groping of "sensitive" personal areas should take note of the TSA staffer's name and badge. The traveler should immediately contact a uniformed state or city police officer found at all screening areas to start an investigation. Additionally, the local district attorney's office should be called if a monitor is not in site.”

It has been suggested by various rape crisis centers across the United States that travelers in other jurisdictions also report these incidences to their local state and city police, in hopes that criminal charges can be brought up against alleged offenders.

According to every state in our country, and also under federal law --  it is illegal for an individual to grab, grope or touch our bodies without the explicit permission from the person being touched.  It is also a sexual assault if the individual being touched grants permission under duress.  These are crimes that often mandate a prison sentence. Unfortunately, we all must keep in mind that TSA workers are human beings and some might have transgress that fine line.

If you or someone you know has disclosed what could be described as a sexual assault, contact your local rape crisis center for help. They can also assist you in making police reports, offer you counseling and navigate you through the legal system.  

To find a listing of rape crisis center’s in your area click here.


Vicki Polin  is a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor and the founder and director of The Awareness Center, Inc., which is the international Jewish Coalition Against Sexual Abuse/Assault

Dr. Michael J. Salamon, PhD - Speaking About Child Sexual Abuse

Dr. Salamon is a long time member of The Awareness Center's executive board.

INTERNATIONAL CALL TO ACTION: Regarding Israeli Judge, Moshe Gilad decision in case of Incest

July 12, 2010

INTERNATIONAL CALL TO ACTION:  

Brother of Incest Survivor Sent To Prison By Israeli Judge, Moshe Gilad

It appears that Israeli Judge,  Moshe Gilad is unfamiliar Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and the ramifications childhood physical and sexual abuse can have on non-offending family members.  The Awareness Center along with other advocacy groups find it outrageous that a judge would send a young man who was attempting to protect his sister from any more sexual assaults to prison, instead of court ordered therapy with someone who specializes in PTSD.   

According to an article published by Ha'aretz (see below), upon arresting the teenage brother, the police also arrested the alleged sex offending step-father on suspension of a sex crime, yet released him two days later with the understanding he was not to go into the family home for two weeks.  The article also describes the young man as a victim of long term physical abuse by his sister's alleged sex offender.

Like in many other cases of incest, the mother doubted her daughters accusations.  The girl's mental health status declined, leading her to be hospitalized.

The article quoted Judge Gilad as saying: "I imagine that after he described himself and his sister being 'abused' physically and verbally for years, that when his sister described to him how the complainant had sexually assaulted her, the accused must have felt horrible," Judge Moshe Gilad wrote in his verdict. "I am ready to believe that when the accused saw his sister feeling so vulnerable, and heard her tell of such horrible things, he was frustrated and enraged."

But he added: "We cannot allow the court to send a message that someone who stabs another in anger, rage, revenge, no matter what the reason, will not be put under lock and key."

Though the young man stabbed his stepfather while sleeping, it is obvious to anyone who understands the dynamics of child abuse, that this was an delayed act of self defense and not one of "revenge and rage".  

Please demand that Judge Moshe Gilad reconsider his sentence of a young man who needs specialized care to help him overcome his childhood trauma, and also demand that his sister receive rape trauma counseling immediately and that her step-father be court ordered out of the home indefinitely.

Contact Information:

Judge Moshe Gilad

Haifa District Court

12 Palyam Street

Haifa, Israel  33095

E-mail:  pniyot@court.gov.il

Fax from the United States to Israel: 011-972-4-869-8644

Fax in Israel:  04-8698644

Background information on Judge Moshe Gilad

Born in 192 in Romania

In 1961 he immigrated to Israel

In 1970-1976 he served in the IDF

In 1980 graduated LLB degree at University of Tel-Aviv.

In October 1981 he qualified as a Din (Judge).

In 1981-2008 he worked as an editor - an independent lawyer

In February 2008 he was appointed to serve as a judge in Haifa District Court

http://elyon1.court.gov.il/heb/cv/fe_html_out/judges/k_hayim/202732298.htm

http://elyon1.court.gov.il/heb/cv/fe_html_out/courts/details/205.htm

Teen who stabbed 'rapist' stepfather jailed for 12 years

A Haifa District Court sentences an 18-year-old from northern Israel to 12 years in jail for stabbing his stepfather, who allegedly raped the man's younger sister.

By Fadi Eyadat

Haaretz - August 11,  2010

http://www.haaretz.com/print-edition/news/teen-who-stabbed-rapist-stepfather-jailed-for-12-years-1.307241

A Haifa District Court sentenced an 18-year-old from northern Israel to 12 years in jail yesterday for stabbing his stepfather, who allegedly raped the man's younger sister.

The court stated that the youth, who played an important role in his sister's life, was enraged after the girl told him of the rape. In delivering the verdict, the judge said: "Arguments must be settled by a court of law, not by the knife."

In January the teenager, who was still a high school student, was told by his younger sister that their stepfather had raped her two days previously and had sexually assaulted her several times in the past.

The teenager asked his sister to leave the house, armed himself with two kitchen knives, and stabbed his stepfather while he slept. The older man was taken to hospital but released soon afterwards.

Following the stepson's arrest, the stepfather was arrested on suspicion of sex crimes, but was released under conditions that included a restraining order banning him from the home for two weeks.

During the trial it emerged that the children's mother doubted her daughter's story. The girl's mental health deteriorated following the attack and she was eventually institutionalized.

"I imagine that after he described himself and his sister being 'abused' physically and verbally for years, that when his sister described to him how the complainant had sexually assaulted her, the accused must have felt horrible," Judge Moshe Gilad wrote in his verdict. "I am ready to believe that when the accused saw his sister feeling so vulnerable, and heard her tell of such horrible things, he was frustrated and enraged."

But he added: "We cannot allow the court to send a message that someone who stabs another in anger, rage, revenge, no matter what the reason, will not be put under lock and key."

Surviving Passover: Jewish Survivors of Incest and other forms of child abuse

© (2003, Revised 2006) by Na'ama Yehuda, MSC, SLP, TSHH and Vicki Polin, MA, LCPC

There are many issues surrounding holidays and childhood sexual abuse that have rarely, if ever been addressed in our communities. One of those issues pertains directly to surviving Jewish holidays.

It's not too surprising that many adult survivors of childhood abuse (emotional, physical and sexual abuse) have difficult times during Passover (Pesach), as this time of the year can bring up painful memories of families get together and that routines are changed. Plus there is the added stress of cleaning your home top to bottom, preparing, and "doing it right." These issues alone can be extremely stress producing; yet in a home where violence occurred, would most likely lead to an increase of abuse.

Parents who are already inclined to use their children as an outlet for emotions and urges, are even more likely to do so when under the pressure of increased anxiety.

Many survivors of childhood abuse report that they were abused more around and over a holiday period then any other time of the year. Remember Passover brings with it--on top of cooking and cleaning--an added financial burden.

This is written as a reminder to all survivors of child abuse -- YOU ARE NOT ALONE. It is not uncommon for symptoms of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) to emerge this time of year, even after times of relative remission and/or intensify in those already struggling.

It is not unusual for Survivors to experience an increase in disturbing thoughts, nightmares and flashbacks. Thoughts of self-harm, even suicide, may be an issue. The important thing to remember is these feelings are about the past, the abuse is over, and that it is of utmost importance for you to be kind to and gentle with yourself.

Over the years we have spoken to many adult survivors who find it very painful to even consider going to a seder. This is OK. Someday you may feel different, but if the pain is too intense, it is important that you do things that can be healing. Set healthy boundaries for yourself and do what feels safe for you. If you have a rabbi that is sensitive to child abuse issues, discuss these issues with him or her.

One survivor shared that she felt uncomfortable not doing anything for Pesach, so she'd rent the "Ten Commandments" each year on Seder nights and watch it, forming her own ritual of remembering the events that lead to the Seder night. Another survivor would invite other Jewish Survivors over to her home and they would use "The Survivors Haggadah" for their services. Another person used the time before Pesach for "spring cleaning" her relationships--reconnecting with friends with whom she feels safe, airing out the achievements of the last year and making resolutions for added liberation from her past for the coming year. The survivors above found a way to celebrate a "modified" Pesach, but there are many others for who just try to survive this time of year by pretending that there is no such thing as Pesach.

The goal is for you to do things that are healing and brings about an emotional freedom. Remember you are not alone, not wrong, not bad for having second and third and forth thoughts about how to celebrate and if to celebrate the holiday.

Look into yourself and see what you need, then do what you can to do it. Be kind to yourself for needing to make these adjustments. And remember, when Bney-Israel left Egypt to walk toward a new era--they were walking from a place they knew, but was of pain, to a place unknown, but free. The essence of the Seder night is to remember, and ask why, and be expected to understand and participate only to the extent one can.

Have a gentle, safe holiday!

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) - Jewish Survivors of Sex Crimes

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

Jewish Survivors of Sex Crimes

Every time I close the door on reality it comes in through the windows
–– Jennifer Unlimited

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Developing PTSD is directly related to the amount of trauma that you experience as was shown in the National Vietnam Veterans Readjustment Study. PTSD is also affected by the meaning (or meaninglessness) of the events to the traumatized person. PTSD is worse when betrayal is involved. Human cruelty and neglect also increase its severity. Most people with PTSD do not know they have it, so they may use compulsive behavior to help them stay numb, everything from alcoholism to workaholism.

PTSD symptoms can occur for the first time, or reoccur, when you are triggered or re-triggered by personal stress, another trauma, or by events that remind you of the trauma. (Why the Gulf War was so hard on so many veterans.) If you thought you were over your PTSD, this doesn't mean your previous therapy didn't work, but that what worked then will work again. Traumatic events can't be erased, so, in that sense, PTSD can't be cured, but it can be helped. People with PTSD can live sane and happy lives. If they get re-triggered, they can find more help.

The symptoms of PTSD make sense as survivor skills in the context of trauma: get numb and you'll survive. Become extremely alert and you'll survive. Such survivor skills can, with the passage of time, become your biggest problems, but it is hard to let go of them because they kept you alive, not because you are weak or wicked or dumb.  

–– Patience Mason, Editor; The Post-Traumatic Gazette Newsletter

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Disclaimer: Inclusion in this website does not constitute a recommendation or endorsement. Individuals must decide for themselves if the resources meet their own personal needs.

Table of Contents:  

1. Jewish Resources
   • Hebrew E-group for survivors of childhood Trauma A new e-discussion group was started this August in Israel (in Hebrew) for survivors of childhood trauma.  Prof. Eli Somer of the University of Haifa School of Social Work, along with those in Maytal, the Israel Institute for Treatment & Study of Stress, are involved with the list.
   • Israel Center for the Treatment of Psychotrauma The psychologists of the Israel Center for the Treatment of Psychotrauma utilize innovative methods of therapy. The first goal is to get the traumatized person back in control of his body, his reaction and his mind. The techniques emphasize the close relation between body and mind, and teach the patient to calm himself. Once the patient is in control, the therapist brings him back to the traumatic event, in order to process and come to terms with what happened.
   • Jewish Bereavment Project  Judaism embraces all of life and accepts death as a part of life. At the same time, Jewish tradition understands that we are never prepared to lose someone we love."* The Jewish Bereavement Project has been designed to provide information to help you, or someone you care for, find a way through the journey of mourning.
   • Holocaust Survivors
     • AMCHA - Israel Center for Holocaust Survivors  Clearinghouse of information
2. Secular Resources
   1. Trauma & Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
   2. David Baldwin's Trauma Information Pages  These Trauma Pages focus primarily on emotional trauma and traumatic stress, including PTSD (Post-traumatic Stress Disorder), whether following individual traumatic experience(s) or a large-scale disaster. The purpose of this award winning site is to provide information for clinicians and researchers in the traumatic-stress field. Specifically, my interests here include both clinical and research aspects of trauma responses and their resolution.
   3. Gift From Within  A private, non-profit organization dedicated to those who suffer post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), those at risk for PTSD, and those who care for traumatized individuals.
   4. National Center for Victims of Crime  Clearinghouse of infomation on Victimization.
   5. National Mental Health Consumers' Self-Help Clearinghouse  Welcome to the National Mental Health Consumers' Self-Help Clearinghouse, a consumer-run national technical assistance center serving the mental health consumer movement. We help connect individuals to self-help and advocacy resources, and we offer expertise to self-help groups and other peer-run services for mental health consumers.
   6. National Center for PTSD The National Center for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) was created within the Department of Veterans Affairs in 1989, in response to a Congressional mandate to address the needs of veterans with military-related PTSD. Its mission was, and remains: To advance the clinical care and social welfare of America's veterans through research, education, and training in the science, diagnosis, and treatment of PTSD and stress-related disorders. This website is provided as an educational resource concerning PTSD and other enduring consequences of traumatic stress.
   7. Post Traumatic Gazette Trauma and PTSD Page  Mission is to ensure that other people never have to be alone with the pain of PTSD, struggling to heal without help or support.

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FAIR USE NOTICE

Some of the information on The Awareness Center's web pages may contain copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, etc.

We believe this constitutes a 'fair use' of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without profit to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes.

For more information go to: http://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/17/107.shtml . If you wish to use copyrighted material from this update for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

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"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has."  –– Margaret Mead

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Common Coping Mechanisms Used by Adult Survivors of Childhood Sexual Abuse

© (1994) Victoria Polin, MA, LCPC, ATR, NCC and Gail Roy, MA, ATR, LCPC

Important Reminder: When reviewing this list it is important to remember that the information provided should not be used as the soul determiner of childhood sexual abuse. This list only provides the reader with a list of some common Coping Mechanisms that are used by many adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse. It is also important to remember that coping mechanisms are learned behavioral patterns used to cope. They are not necessarily all "good" or "bad". Many individuals have used their abuse learned coping mechanisms to benefit them professionally and in other personal situations.

1. Minimizing abuse history/herstory and actions of offender(s).

2. Rationalization of one's victimization. "Oh, he/she just didn't know any better. He/She was also abused as a child".

3. Denial is more comfortable for both a child and adult survivor to pretend the abuse never occurred, than face the emotional/psychological pain of the violation.

4. Repression/Forgetting. One's body's way of denying victimization

5. Splitting. Seeing the world in terms of black and white (no shades of gray). Common in survivors when the behavior of the offender was either abusive or loving (no middle).

6. Lack of Integration. On the inside feeling you are bad/evil. On the outside being a super achiever. Developing a "false self". 

7. Out of body experience(s) during the abuse. Feeling that one watched the abuse occurring to one's body. 

8. Control Issues. The more chaotic family life in childhood, the stronger control issues are an issue.

9. Dissociation/Spacing Out. Everyone does this at times; the difference is degree and frequency. Example of normal dissociation: Driving a car and realizing you are farther along then you believed.

10. Hyper awareness/Super alert. Awareness of everyone and everything around you.

11. Workaholism/Business. Staying busy is one way of avoiding feelings.

12. Escape/Running away. Passive ways include reading books, sleeping and watching television. It's important to remember fantasies can be the source of a rich creative life and can be vital to healing.

13. Psychiatric Hospitalizations. Can be used as a respite from intense feelings and/or flashbacks.

14. Self - Mutilation/Self-Harm/Self-Injury. Internalization of offender. Instead of being hurt by victimizer, survivor hurts one's self. Often releases intense feelings and/or numbness after mutilation occurs.

15. Suicide Attempts. Often occurs when survivors feels trapped with no way out. "Don't kill yourself, call a friend, your therapist or a crisis hot-line instead!"

16. Isolation. Feeling safer when alone ("No one can hurt me if I'm alone").

17. Addictions are common ways of coping with the pain of sexual abuse. They are usually self - defeating and self - destructive (drugs, food, gambling, sex . . . ).

18. Lying. When children are told not to tell anyone, the offenders are teaching children to lie. Many survivors are compulsive liars, the abuse being the biggest of them all.

19. Religion. Safety can be found attaching one's self to a belief system that has clear boundaries and rules. Traditional religion can provide an anchor. The lure of divine forgiveness can be a powerful pull for the survivor who still feels the abuse was his/her fault. Unfortunately, destructive cults can also be alluring to an adult survivor for some of the same reasons.

20. Avoiding Intimacy. Seeming open and friendly on the surface but hiding real feelings inside. "Avoiding intimacy keeps one safe - and sometimes leads to positive traits such as independence and autonomy-- it also means missing out on the rewards healthy relationships can bring." (E. Bass & L. Davis, 1988).

21. Manipulation. Adult survivors, who are diagnosed as having a Borderline Personality often are told they are being manipulative. Once they are able to identify, process and express feelings attached to manipulative behavior and taught other ways of getting needs met, the manipulation will usually cease.

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References:

• Bass, Ellen & Laura Davis. The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse. New York: Harper & Row, 1988.
• Chutis, Laurieann. Flashbacks. Chicago, IL. Ravenswood Hospital & Medical Center, Dept. of Consultation and Education.
• Davis, Laura. Allies In Healing: When The Person Your Love Was Sexually Abused As A Child. New York: Harper, 1991.
• Gil, Eliana. Outgrowing the Pain: A Book For And about Adults Abused As Children. New York: Dell Publishing, 1983.
• Ideran, Mary. Adult Survivors Signs & Symptoms Checklist The Changing Women in Calumet City.
• Lew, Mike. Victims No Longer: Men Recovering From Incest & Other Sexual Child Abuse. New York: Harper Collins, 1990.
• Napier, Nancy J. Getting Through The Day: Strategies for Adults Hurt as Children. New York: W.W. Norton, 1993.

Flashbacks - By Laurieann Chutis

Flashbacks

© (1984) By Laurieann Chutis, MSW, LCSW

What are they?

Laurieann Chutis

Flashbacks are memories of past traumas. They may take the form of pictures, sounds, smells, body sensations, feelings or the lack of them (numbness). Many times there is no actual visual or auditory memory. One may have the sense of panic, being trapped, feeling powerless with no memory stimulating it. These experiences can also happen in dreams.

As a child (or adolescent), we had to insulate ourselves from the emotional and physical horrors of the trauma. In order to survive, that insulated child remained isolated, unable to express the feelings and thoughts of that time. It is as though we put that part into a time capsule until it comes out full-blown in the present.

When that part comes out, the little one is experiencing the past as if it were happening today. As the flashback occurs, it is as if we forget that we have an adult part available to us for reassurance, protection and grounding. The intense feelings and body sensations occurring are so frightening because the feelings/sensations are not related to the reality of the present and many times seem to come from nowhere.

We begin to think we are crazy and afraid of telling anyone (including our therapist) of these experiences. We feel out of control and at the mercy of our experiences.

We begin to avoid situations, and stimuli, that we think triggered it. Many times flashbacks occur during any form of sexual intimacy, or it may be a person who has similar characteristics to the perpetrator, or it may b a situation today that stirs up similar trapped feelings (confronting aggressive people).

If you are feeling small...you are experiencing a flashback.

If you are experiencing stronger feelings than are called for in the present situation...you are experiencing a flashback.

Flashbacks are normal

Vietnam vets have normalized this experience and have coined the term post traumatic stress syndrome.

Even the diagnostic category book for psychiatry defines post traumatic stress syndrome as the normal experience of all people experiencing an event that is outside the range of normal human experience.

Flashbacks feel crazy because the little one doesn't know that there is an adult survivor available to help.

What helps

1. Tell yourself that you are having a flashback.
2. Remind yourself that the worst is over. The feelings and sensations you are experiencing are memories of the past. The actual event took place long ago when you were [younger] and you survived. Now it is time to let out that terror, rage, hurt and/or panic. Now is the time to honor your experience.
3. Get grounded. This means stamping your feet on the ground so that the little one knows you have feet and can get away if you need to. ([If the trauma occurred as a child]. . . you couldn't get away: Now you can.}
4. Breathe. When we get scared we stop normal breathing. As a result, our body begins to panic from the lack of oxygen. Lack of oxygen in itself causes a great deal of panic feelings: pounding in the head, tightness, sweating, feeling faint, shakiness, dizziness. When we breathe deeply enough, a lot of the panic feeling can decrease. Breathing deeply means putting your hand on your diaphragm and breathing deeply enough so that your diaphragm pushes against your hand and then exhaling so that the diaphragm goes in.
5. Reorient to the present. Begin to use your five senses in the present. Look around and see the colors in the room, the shapes of things, the people near, etc. Listen to the sounds [around you]: your breathing, traffic, birds, people, cars, etc. Feel your body and what is touching it: your clothes, your own arms and hands, the chair or floor supporting you.
6. Speak to the little one and reassure him/her. It is very healing to get your adult in the now, that you can get out if you need to, that it is OK to feel the feelings of long ago without reprisal. The child needs to know that it is safe to experience the feelings/sensations and let go of the past.
7. Get in touch with your needs for boundaries. Sometimes when we are having a flashback we lose the sense of where we leave off and the world begins; as if we do not have skin. Wrap yourself in a blanket, hold a pillow or stuffed animal, go to bed, sit in a closet... any way that you can feel yourself truly protected from the outside.
8. Get support. Depending on your situation, you may need to be alone or may want someone near you. In either case, it is important that your close ones know about flashbacks so they can help with the process, whether that means letting you be by yourself or being there.
9. Take time to recover. Sometimes flashbacks are very powerful. Give yourself the time to make the transition from this powerful experience. Don't expect yourself to jump into adult activities right away. Take a nap, or a warm bath, or some quiet time. Do not beat yourself up for having a flashback. Appreciate  how much your little one went through. . . .
10. Honor your experience. Appreciate yourself for having survived that horrible time [when you were younger]. Respect your body's need to experience those feelings of long ago.
11. Be patient. It takes time to heal the past. It takes time to learn appropriate ways of taking care of self., of being an adult who has feelings, and developing effective ways of coping in the here and now.
12. Find a competent therapist. Look for a therapist who understands the processes of healing from [trauma: incest, rape, war.] A therapist can be a guide, a support, a coach in this healing process. You do not have to do it alone . . . ever again.
13. Join a self-help group. Survivors are wonderful allies in this process of healing. It is a healing thing to share your process with others who understand so deeply what you are going through.
14. Know you are not crazy . . . you are healing!