Jerusalem - 'Spiritual Abuse' of Haredi Women Long Denied, Comes To Light In Conference

Jerusalem - 'Spiritual Abuse' of Haredi Women Long Denied, Comes To Light In Conference

By Judy Siegel-Itzkovich

Jerusalem Post - February 15, 2009

Jerusalem - Abuse of women, children and the elderly in the religious Jewish community was long denied, on the grounds that observance of the Torah and Talmud prevented it. Physical, sexual, emotional, economic and other types of maltreatment of the weak, claimed this sector, occurs among secular Jews, but "not in our camp."

But this has been disproven by infamous cases of child abuse reported recently in the general media, and the opening of shelters for battered women in haredi neighborhoods.

 

THE RECENT ninth Jerusalem conference of ATEM Nefesh-Israel - an organization of observant social workers, psychologists, psychiatrists and other therapists - had several sessions devoted to this topic. Although all the 200 or so participants were religious (most of them women), the public nature of the conference at the Bayit Vegan Guesthouse constituted a welcome airing of the religious community's "dirty laundry," though some rabbis still insist on hiding it. The organization of religious therapists was founded by Shaare Zedek Medical Center neuropsychologist Dr. Judith Guedalia and geriatric social worker and Melabev found Leah Abramowitz.

 

Clearly, most religious Jewish men are good or excellent husbands and fathers. No data were provided on how common abuse is in the religious - especially haredi - community, and how it compares with the secular community, but the fact that it was discussed is a healthy phenomenon.

"Twenty years ago, no one would dream of talking openly about violence in the religious family," said Rabbi Dr. Benjamin (Benny) Lau. The modern Orthodox rabbi - who is director of the Center for Judaism and Society, heads Jerusalem's Institute for Social Justice at Beit Morasha, serves as rabbi of the Ramban Synagogue in the Katamon quarter and lectures on Jewish law and social justice at Bar-Ilan University - delivered a keynote address at the conference. "If a community gives a legitimacy to violence and abuse, these can happen. There are closets in haredi society that are still not open."

 

AN EYE-OPENING workshop on "Spiritual Abuse" of haredi women opened the closet door a crack. Dr. Nicole Dahan, a social worker at the Ariel University Center and Tzipi Levy, a social worker in the Jerusalem Municipality, have done much to put this subject on the public agenda.

 

While until recently, men's abuse of their partners was known to involve physical, emotional, sexual and verbal violence, as well as economic abuse and the reduction of freedom, Levy and Dahan discovered that some haredi men use God and the commandments to abuse their wives.

 

Such spiritual abuse occurs solely in observant communities, mostly the ultra-Orthodox. Men who spend all their time in a kollel (yeshiva for married men) and have a very low level of secular education may be jealous of their wives, who are often required to work and support their large families. A growing number of haredi wives attend courses and colleges, earn degrees and work in advanced fields such as computers and even engineering. This may lead to abuse by their husbands.

Levy, who like Dahan is Orthodox and who has worked as a municipal coordinator against abuse of women, described a haredi man who told all the relatives invited to his daughter's bat mitzva that his wife was "crazy" and proceeded to bad-mouth her even though this is forbidden by halacha.

 

After running workshops for secular abused women in northern Jerusalem, she began to organize them for haredi women. Groups of women met regularly for a year and a half and poured out their hearts about what they live with. They told stories about husbands who denigrated their prayers. "One husband told his wife that her praying was a 'waste of time,' that 'God doesn't listen' to her and that there was 'no value' to her supplications." Levy recalled one woman whose husband screamed at her in the middle of the night when she got out of bed "immodestly" in her bare feet to breastfeed her crying newborn.

 

Another example of spiritual abuse was a woman who very much wanted to observe the commandment of "separating halla" - a commandment given especially to women. This involves the removal and burning of a portion of dough before baking bread containing at least 1.6 kilos of flour. The moment of separating the dough and reciting a special blessing is viewed as an especially propitious moment for praying for one's loved ones. The act is symbolic, like offering a sacrifice on the Temple altar in expiation of sins, as a tithe to the kohen or as a plea to God to protect the woman from sorrow and pain. Separation of the halla is also regarded as a way to have an easy, safe birth and a good livelihood.

 

But one husband denigrated his wife for "wasting money on flour" or "making a mess on Friday afternoons" when she should have been preparing for Shabbat, and declared it was cheaper to buy readymade halla. Levy said the husband then ordered a child to go to the nearest grocery and buy loaves. Instead of saying a blessing on the homemade halla, he did so on the store-bought bread. "He whispered to his wife: 'When I say the blessing on the wine [kiddush], I will not include you!' The woman was thus forced to eat without the required inclusion in this blessing that begins the Shabbat meal."

 

Another technique of spiritual abuse is to bring bread into rooms that the wife has already meticulously cleaned before Pessah, or disappearing when the woman has returned "pure" from the ritual bath - a time when couples traditionally have sexual relations after about 12 days of abstention. He is thus able to control his wife by using their religion.

 

DAHAN NOTED that this type of abuse involves repeated attempts to harm the wife's spiritual life. "It is ridiculing, minimizing the wife's spiritual activity. It is usually not a one-time occurrence," she said, after interviewing numerous victims who feel shame, guilt and lack of worth. "The more seriously the woman takes religion, the harder it is for her."

 

Dahan added that she believes spiritual abuse can cause even more damage than physical abuse, and that "it seems to occur much more in the haredi community than the modern Orthodox because Jewish law has such a supreme role in haredi lives."

 

"Could spiritual abuse be perpetrated by wives on their husbands?" one woman asked Dahan.

"It could be, but we focused on abuse of women."

 

One haredi woman in the room, with seating separated by gender, raised her hand and suggested it does go both ways. "I know a woman who goes to the Western Wall to pray every week, leaving her husband to cook for the family, and she refuses to accompany him to weddings and other ceremonial family events."

 

"A man may dress like a haredi in black and with all the paraphernalia," suggested another haredi woman, "but he is just acting. It may be he suffers from psychopathology, or he may feel jealous of his wife."

Dahan nodded her head. "Yes, he can have a split personality, giving the impression of living a religious life while hiding his bad side."

 

A participant from the male side of the audience said men who spiritually abuse their wives may get support from their rabbis, some of whom assert that a Jewish woman must do exactly what her husband says, even if he is abusing her. "The rabbi may even quote the Talmud to back the man's arguments and help him control her.

 

But another haredi man said that "not every such story is spiritual violence. The husband may legitimately be opposed to his wife wearing a wig instead of a hat."

 

Dahan commented that "therapists have to be very careful not to label everything immediately as spiritual abuse. There's a thin line between a woman serving or listening to her husband and being punished by him."

 

A hassidic woman in the audience said she knew of spiritual abuse of hassidic women whose husbands are "devoted to the Admor [the hassidic rebbe who heads their community], but go to all events while ignoring their wives. I know of a woman who was getting fertility treatments, but the husband wouldn't cooperate because he "had" to be at the rebbe's sermon and festive meal.

 

Levy said Jerusalem social workers and mental health professionals have accepted their description of spiritual abuse and now screen haredi women who come for help. "There are all kinds of problems that a non-religious therapist wouldn't identify. But there are observant therapists who have asked me whether it's a desecration of God's name if they investigate accusations of spiritual abuse. I say it is a consecration of God's name to identify such acts and treat victims."

 

The social workers were more vague about the treatment than the phenomenon. "I am sure that some things have to be changed in the education of haredi girls," said Dahan. "Many may need to get a feeling of empowerment so they can choose a husband carefully and detect signs of potential abusers. Nefesh is gradually bringing changes by educating and integrating rabbis."

 

"We must give haredi women the choice of whether to be a victim or not," added Levy. "Problems often appear in childhood. We have to help the victim identify the problem. Men will be willing to change if doing so doesn't cost him more than he gains. Rabbis can find a halachic solution for the problem. Sometimes, if there is no hope, they can suggest divorce. They can instruct the woman to pray at the Kotel to empower her."

 

A haredi woman in the audience suggested: "If the husband is unwilling to take the blame, the rabbi can blame the woman even though she is not at fault, and then the husband will be more willing to go for treatment."

 

So the "dirty laundry" is being exposed. Now it's time for the sunlight to do its work.

An abuse of belief

An abuse of belief

By Judy Siegel-Itzkovich

The Jerusalem Post - Feb. 14, 2009

Abuse of women, children and the elderly in the religious Jewish community was long denied, on the grounds that observance of the Torah and Talmud prevented it. Physical, sexual, emotional, economic and other types of maltreatment of the weak, claimed this sector, occurs among secular Jews, but "not in our camp."

But this has been disproven by infamous cases of child abuse reported recently in the general media, and the opening of shelters for battered women in haredi neighborhoods.

THE RECENT ninth Jerusalem conference of ATEM Nefesh-Israel - an organization of observant social workers, psychologists, psychiatrists and other therapists - had several sessions devoted to this topic. Although all the 200 or so participants were religious (most of them women), the public nature of the conference at the Bayit Vegan Guesthouse constituted a welcome airing of the religious community's "dirty laundry," though some rabbis still insist on hiding it. The organization of religious therapists was founded by Shaare Zedek Medical Center neuropsychologist Dr. Judith Guedalia and geriatric social worker and Melabev founder Leah Abramowitz.

Clearly, most religious Jewish men are good or excellent husbands and fathers. No data were provided on how common abuse is in the religious - especially haredi - community, and how it compares with the secular community, but the fact that it was discussed is a healthy phenomenon.

"Twenty years ago, no one would dream of talking openly about violence in the religious family," said Rabbi Dr. Benjamin (Benny) Lau. The modern Orthodox rabbi - who is director of the Center for Judaism and Society, heads Jerusalem's Institute for Social Justice at Beit Morasha, serves as rabbi of the Ramban Synagogue in the Katamon quarter and lectures on Jewish law and social justice at Bar-Ilan University - delivered a keynote address at the conference. "If a community gives a legitimacy to violence and abuse, these can happen. There are closets in haredi society that are still not open."

AN EYE-OPENING workshop on "Spiritual Abuse" of haredi women opened the closet door a crack. Dr. Nicole Dahan, a social worker at the Ariel University Center and Tzipi Levy, a social worker in the Jerusalem Municipality, have done much to put this subject on the public agenda.

While until recently, men's abuse of their partners was known to involve physical, emotional, sexual and verbal violence, as well as economic abuse and the reduction of freedom, Levy and Dahan discovered that some haredi men use God and the commandments to abuse their wives.

Such spiritual abuse occurs solely in observant communities, mostly the ultra-Orthodox. Men who spend all their time in a kollel (yeshiva for married men) and have a very low level of secular education may be jealous of their wives, who are often required to work and support their large families. A growing number of haredi wives attend courses and colleges, earn degrees and work in advanced fields such as computers and even engineering. This may lead to abuse by their husbands.

Levy, who like Dahan is Orthodox and who has worked as a municipal coordinator against abuse of women, described a haredi man who told all the relatives invited to his daughter's bat mitzva that his wife was "crazy" and proceeded to bad-mouth her even though this is forbidden by halacha.

After running workshops for secular abused women in northern Jerusalem, she began to organize them for haredi women. Groups of women met regularly for a year and a half and poured out their hearts about what they live with. They told stories about husbands who denigrated their prayers. "One husband told his wife that her praying was a 'waste of time,' that 'God doesn't listen' to her and that there was 'no value' to her supplications." Levy recalled one woman whose husband screamed at her in the middle of the night when she got out of bed "immodestly" in her bare feet to breastfeed her crying newborn.

Another example of spiritual abuse was a woman who very much wanted to observe the commandment of "separating halla" - a commandment given especially to women. This involves the removal and burning of a portion of dough before baking bread containing at least 1.6 kilos of flour. The moment of separating the dough and reciting a special blessing is viewed as an especially propitious moment for praying for one's loved ones. The act is symbolic, like offering a sacrifice on the Temple altar in expiation of sins, as a title to the kohen or as a plea to God to protect the woman from sorrow and pain. Separation of the halla is also regarded as a way to have an easy, safe birth and a good livelihood.

But one husband denigrated his wife for "wasting money on flour" or "making a mess on Friday afternoons" when she should have been preparing for Shabbat, and declared it was cheaper to buy ready made halla. Levy said the husband then ordered a child to go to the nearest grocery and buy loaves. Instead of saying a blessing on the homemade halla, he did so on the store-bought bread. "He whispered to his wife: 'When I say the blessing on the wine [kiddush], I will not include you!' The woman was thus forced to eat without the required inclusion in this blessing that begins the Shabbat meal."

Another technique of spiritual abuse is to bring bread into rooms that the wife has already meticulously cleaned before Pessah, or disappearing when the woman has returned "pure" from the ritual bath - a time when couples traditionally have sexual relations after about 12 days of abstention. He is thus able to control his wife by using their religion.

DAHAN NOTED that this type of abuse involves repeated attempts to harm the wife's spiritual life. "It is ridiculing, minimizing the wife's spiritual activity. It is usually not a one-time occurrence," she said, after interviewing numerous victims who feel shame, guilt and lack of worth. "The more seriously the woman takes religion, the harder it is for her."

Dahan added that she believes spiritual abuse can cause even more damage than physical abuse, and that "it seems to occur much more in the haredi community than the modern Orthodox because Jewish law has such a supreme role in haredi lives."

"Could spiritual abuse be perpetrated by wives on their husbands?" one woman asked Dahan.

"It could be, but we focused on abuse of women."

One haredi woman in the room, with seating separated by gender, raised her hand and suggested it does go both ways. "I know a woman who goes to the Western Wall to pray every week, leaving her husband to cook for the family, and she refuses to accompany him to weddings and other ceremonial family events."

"A man may dress like a haredi in black and with all the paraphernalia," suggested another haredi woman, "but he is just acting. It may be he suffers from psychopathology, or he may feel jealous of his wife."

Dahan nodded her head. "Yes, he can have a split personality, giving the impression of living a religious life while hiding his bad side."

A participant from the male side of the audience said men who spiritually abuse their wives may get support from their rabbis, some of whom assert that a Jewish woman must do exactly what her husband says, even if he is abusing her. "The rabbi may even quote the Talmud to back the man's arguments and help him control her.

But another haredi man said that "not every such story is spiritual violence. The husband may legitimately be opposed to his wife wearing a wig instead of a hat."

Dahan commented that "therapists have to be very careful not to label everything immediately as spiritual abuse. There's a thin line between a woman serving or listening to her husband and being punished by him."

A hassidic woman in the audience said she knew of spiritual abuse of hassidic women whose husbands are "devoted to the Admor[the hassidic rebbe who heads their community], but go to all events while ignoring their wives. I know of a woman who was getting fertility treatments, but the husband wouldn't cooperate because he "had" to be at the rebbe's sermon and festive meal.

Levy said Jerusalem social workers and mental health professionals have accepted their description of spiritual abuse and now screen haredi women who come for help. "There are all kinds of problems that a non-religious therapist wouldn't identify. But there are observant therapists who have asked me whether it's a desecration of God's name if they investigate accusations of spiritual abuse. I say it is a consecration of God's name to identify such acts and treat victims."

The social workers were more vague about the treatment than the phenomenon. "I am sure that some things have to be changed in the education of haredi girls," said Dahan. "Many may need to get a feeling of empowerment so they can choose a husband carefully and detect signs of potential abusers. Nefesh is gradually bringing changes by educating and integrating rabbis."

"We must give haredi women the choice of whether to be a victim or not," added Levy. "Problems often appear in childhood. We have to help the victim identify the problem. Men will be willing to change if doing so doesn't cost him more than he gains. Rabbis can find a halachic solution for the problem. Sometimes, if there is no hope, they can suggest divorce. They can instruct the woman to pray at the Kotel to empower her."

A haredi woman in the audience suggested: "If the husband is unwilling to take the blame, the rabbi can blame the woman even though she is not at fault, and then the husband will be more willing to go for treatment."

FootSteps Helps Those

The following is a radio broadcast of the Zev Brenner Show in which an organization call Footsteps is featured.

There are many charedi (ultra-orthodox) survivors of child sexual abuse who utilize the services of Footsteps, which is an organization that helps individuals enter into the secular world.  It's sad to say that over the years that the charedi world has not been a safe place for many who have been sexually violated as children.  All too many who grew up in that world are walking away from Judaism altogether.  

The Awareness Center supports the efforts of this organization as they are non-judgemental, respectful and offer a unique service.

http://www.mediafire.com/?l2xn2mtp0w3

Conference On Sex Abuse In Jewish Communities Sunday In Brooklyn

Speaking the Unspeakable:
Sexual Abuse in Jewish Communities in the US and Israel

When:  Sunday, February 15, 2009 
             1:00 PM - 3:00 PM

Where:  Congregation Beth Elohim
        274 Garfield Place
        Brooklyn, NY 11215

Registration:

       Pre-Registration: $10.00 Per Person (Payment received no later then Feb. 12, 2009)
       At the Door:  $15.00 (SAVE 50% by registering early!)

RSVP: The Awareness Center, Inc., P.O. Box 65273, Baltimore, MD 21209

Make checks payable to : The Awareness Center, Inc.  A credit card payment can be used by clicking on the donation button on our web page.  Send us a note stating that the funds were for the registration fee for this event.

Call us at: 443-857-5560 or  e-mail:  info@theawarenesscenter.org

Sexual abuse and assault reverberate physical, emotional, psychological, and spiritual wounds; and carry numerous clinical, legal, ethical, and societal implications. Jewish communities face specific challenges in addressing these issues; and educating and increasing awareness to those challenges is key to helping identify and treat those who have been harmed, and to preventing any additional victims from being hurt.

The workshop will offer the expertise of professionals from varied fields, perspectives, and knowledge; and is geared to helping educate and heal our communities.

Panel members will each present about the topic as it relates to their field of expertise; and an open discussion (including question/answer session) will follow.  This event will be held in English.


Speakers include:

• Judge Hadasa Asif  - Criminal and Civil Court, Israel; as well as teaches law courses in Haifa University

• Leah Marinelli, RN, CNM, NP - Founder/Director, Homebirth With Love

• Vicki Polin, MA, LCPC, NCC - Founder/Director, The Awareness Center, Inc.

• Ruth Rozen-Zvi - Clinical Child Psychologist; adjunct professor in Bar-Ilan University in Bar-Ilan University in Israel

• Rabbi Nochem Rosenberg - Advocate for orthodox children in Borough Park and Williamsburg, New York

• Michael J. Salamon, PhD, FPPR, FICPP - Director, Adult Developmental Center, Hewlett, NY

• Na’ama Yehuda  -  MSC SLP TSHH, Speech-Language Pathologist with specialization in trauma, is on the International Society for the Study of Trauma and Dissociation (ISSTD) Board of Directors and Chair of the ISSTD's Development Committee

Speakers’ Bios:

Judge Hadasa Asif was born and raised in Israel. She currently lives in Ra’anana with her husband and five children. She attended and graduated the Ulpana in Kfar-Pines high-school for girls, after which she served her National Service. Hadasa completed her Bachelorette and Master degrees in Law in Bar-Ilan University, and became a licensed Attorney at Law in 1987. She worked as a lawyer till 1998, when she was appointed as Registrar at the Rehovot Magistrate’s Court and headed the Execution Office. In January 2002, Mrs. Asif was appointed as a Magistrate Judge for the Magistrate Court in Hadera, where she’s been serving to this day; presiding over and ruling in both civil and criminal cases. In addition to her work as a Judge, Mrs. Asif taught in the Law Faculty of Haifa University and for the last five years have been teaching Law in Netanya college and in “Sharei Mishpat” college in Hod Hasharon. Judge Asif also teaches “Execution of Judgments” in the Israeli Bar, and is a sought after presenter in continuing education programs ran by the Israeli Lawyers Association, where she presents annually.

Leah Marinelli, RN, CNM, NP is a partner in IMA Homebirth Midwives & Integrative Women Care.  She received her Nursing Degree at Rockland Community College, her B.S. in Women's Health at SUNY Empire State College, and her certificate degree in Nurse-Midwifery from the University of Medicine and Dentistry.

Leah has more than 18 years experience as a childbirth educator and labor support doula, and also provides doula-training workshops. She brings a wealth of home birth expertise together with clinical hospital training, using both alternative and conventional healing arts in caring for women throughout the life cycle.

Vicki Polin, MA, NCC, LCPC  is the founder and executive director of The Awareness Center. Vicki is a Nationally Certified Counselor (NCC), Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor (LCPC) in the state of Illinois and is a Board Certified Art Therapist.  She has an undergraduate degree in Women's Studies from Roosevelt University, and a Masters Degree from the University of Illinois at Chicago. Vicki also attended Neve Yerushalayim School of General Jewish Studies, Jerusalem, Israel and The Etz Chaim Center For Jewish Learning, Baltimore, MD.

Vicki has been working in the trauma field (specializing in sexual violence) for just under twenty-five years. Her experience includes working with individuals, families and groups who have experienced emotional, physical, and sexual abuse/assault, domestic violence, survivors of violent crimes, survivors of political torture, holocaust survivors/children of holocaust survivors, chemical dependency and other addictions, and bereavement issues. She has worked with both adults and children using a broad approach, which includes verbal, art, play, and other creative therapies.

Vicki served on the Family and Sexual Violence Coordinating Council of Howard County, Maryland from 2006 - 2007.

In the past Vicki has qualified as an expert witness and provided testimony in juvenile court on cases related to childhood sexual abuse and neglect. She has presented educational and experiential seminars to community groups, universities, and at professional conferences on both a local and national level.

Vicki's past volunteer work has included being a Rape Victim Advocate in Chicago, Disaster Mental Health Worker for the American Red Cross, a Volunteer Speaker in conjunction with a rape crisis center, hosted several chats on AOL in the Jewish Community Online, Jews for Judaism and for Etz Chaim Center for Jewish Learning in Baltimore.

Back in 2000 - 2002, while living in Jerusalem, Vicki founded and director of CNN-WATCH (originally called Boycott-CNN) -- a news media watch group that dealt with biases against Israel.

Vicki served as a board member of several different not-for-profit organizations, which included VOICES in Action, Inc and Alternative Behavior Treatment Centers: For Juvenile Sex Offenders and Sexually Reactive Youth). Vicki also served on the planning committee of Jewish Women International (JWI) 2nd International Conference on Domestic Abuse.

Vicki was the editor of "The 1997 - Chicagoland Area Sexual Abuse Resource Guide for Care Providers and Consumers"; and also contributed to the book -- Art Therapy Practice: Innovative Approaches with Diverse Populations, by Harriet Wadeson.

Ruth Rosen-Zvi - Clinical Child Psychologist, was born and raised in Israel. She currently lives in Givat-Shmuel with her husband, Dr. Rosen-Zvi, and their three children. Ruth is a clinical psychologist who specializes in children, adolescents, and adults. For the last decade, in addition to her private practice, Ruth has been teaching theoretical and clinical courses in various departments (e.g. Music & Movement Therapy, Special Education, Early Education) in Levinski college in Tel-Aviv. She is an adjunct professor in Bar-Ilan University where she teaches courses on providing parents with therapeutic guidance. In addition to teaching, Ruth’s academic work involves supervision of beginning clinicians. Ruth combines individual psychodynamic therapy with family-system interventions and cognitive-behavioral techniques; and applies them to both theory and clinical work.

Ruth completed her graduate and post-graduate work for a BA and MA in the Faculty of Psychology in Bar-Ilan University, and is currently involved in PhD research in that department.

Ruth Rosen-Zvi is experienced in working in educational psychology, developmental disabilities, and trauma. She worked for several years for ELI—The Israel Association for Child Protection—a leading Israeli organization committed to increasing awareness to, prevention, and treatment of abused and maltreated children. Since that time on she has been very involved with working with children and adults who’d been through traumatic experience, including trauma within the family. Ruth has worked with sick children in the Oncology unit in Tel-Hashomer Hospital, and in the Psychiatric child and adolescent clinic. She also worked with children who presented with post-traumatic and dissociative symptoms, but were misdiagnosed as suffering from learning disorders and didn’t have their trauma taken into account. These children led her to collaborative work with speech-language-pathologists on the interrelations of traumatic states, learning disabilities, language, attention, behavior, and development. Ruth is tuned into the impact of trauma on the psychological and relational development of children, and approaches trauma work with sensitivity as well as awareness to the social and cultural background of the family. She believes that the therapist’s job is to create an environment that allows the client the safety to search, understand, expand, and process their internal world. As part of her clinical interventions, Ruth often works extensively with the parents, as they are the most meaningful people in the child’s life and often have the most impact on the child’s environment. So that in order to allow the child to make internal changes, often times the parents’ functioning needs to change as well.

Ruth worked in the Educational-Psychology Services of the municipality of Bnei-Brak, and as a clinician in private practice in the Charedi (ultra-orthodox) special-education schools ran by the “Sulam” organization. Her work in the education system honed her expertise in understanding the variations in parent-child relationships and the interpretation of trauma in different cultures. Ruth is well known in the Charedi community, and several Charedi bodies and organizations such as “Ezer Mi-tzion” refer families to her for are in need of counseling and therapy.

Rabbi Nuchem Rosenberg is an orthodox rabbi living in an ultra orthodox community in New York City.  For the last few years he has been a lone voice for children and adults living in his community who have been sexually abused. He initiated a hotline for children and teens to call for support and to educate parents.

Unfortunately, his commendable conduct and tireless work to save children from harm, has been 'repaid' by members of his community by attempts at bullying him into silence.  These attacks have included, attacking him psychologically and emotionally, portraying him as a public enemy, there was even an atttempt on his life.  

The rabbis of his community are actively encouraging this bullying by posting letters condemning his efforts to assist survivors of sexual abuse, using disparaging language against him and his conduct, warning the populace not to allow him into their shuls and or homes, not to speak to him, and effectively shunning him in his community. All for doing the right thing.

In spite of this persecution, Rabbi Rosenberg continues to be a vocal advocate for healing the wounds of those who experienced sexual abuse in the Jewish community by raising awareness to the problems. For recognition of his important work, dedication, and risking his life to help those who have been sexually abused Rabbi Rosenberg was presented with The Awareness Center’s "Rape Victim Advocate of The Year Award" for 2008. Senator James Brochin (or Maryland) and Vicki Polin, Founder/Director of The Awareness Center, Inc. presented Rabbi Rosenberg with the award in November 2008.

Michael J. Salamon, Ph.D., FPPR, FICPP  received his doctorate in psychology from Hofstra University. He is a Fellow of the American Psychological Association, a Fellow of the Gerontological Society of America's Behavioral and Social Sciences Section and a board certified Diplomate-Fellow Prescribing Psychologist Register.

Dr. Salamon is the founder and director of the Adult Developmental Center, Inc. (ADC), a comprehensive psychological consulting practice in Hewlett, NY. He empowers individuals and families to cope with the various psychological challenges that arise throughout the life span. Among his areas of specialization are substance abuse and alcoholism counseling, crisis management, child, family, and marital counseling, therapeutic interventions, and gerontology.

Dr. Salamon has worked as the Director of Psychology at St. John's Episcopal Hospital and Nursing Home, the Chief Psychologist at the Hebrew Home for the Aged in Riverdale, and the Chief Psychologist at the Gustave Hartman YM-YMHA. He is presently on staff at North Shore University Hospital. He has taught psychology at C.W. Post College of Long Island University, Touro College, and the New York Institute of Technology.

Dr. Salamon is the author of hundreds of articles, many assessment tools including the Life Satisfaction Scale and the Addiction Dependency Scale, and several books, including, Home or Nursing Home: Making the Right Choice. He has presented more than 50 papers at national and international conferences. He is listed in Television and Film Consultants, the American Psychological Association's media directory, and has appeared on numerous TV and radio shows.

Na’ama Yehuda, MSC, SLP, TSHH was born and raised in Israel, and is currently residing in New York City. She is a Communication Disorders Clinician of 20 years, with extensive experience in Audiology and Speech Language Pathology, scientific research, and teaching. She was involved in child development research in Tel Aviv University; Haskins Laboratories in New Haven, CT.; and the Research Foundation of the City University of New York. Na’ama was elected to and served on the board of the Israeli Speech, Language, and Hearing Association, holds Bachelors and Masters degrees (Cum laude) from Tel-Aviv University, and was the recipient of the Rubinshtein Award for Excellence in Masters studies. She is a licensed Speech Language Pathologist and Teacher of the Speech and Hearing Handicapped in New York State. She specializes in working with pediatric populations, and has specific expertise in Oral-Motor disorders, Autism, Hearing loss, Cochlear Implants, Auditory Processing, Retrieval issues, ADHD, medical issues, and Emotional and Trauma-based Disorders. Na’ama consults to public schools in Harlem and the Bronx, providing speech services to struggling children, many of whom experienced maltreatment and were traumatized by witnessing or experiencing abuse.

Na’ama is a trained clinician in both Hebrew and English, and is experienced with the particular developmental issues complicated by exposure to both Hebrew and English. She often consults to parents, teachers, doctors, and other professionals in Israel and the USA about ways to optimize a child’s communicative and general development. In all of her work, Na’ama stresses a holistic view of the child; their optimal development and connection to their family, environment, and other children; and their ability to keep up with social and academic demands. 

As part of her experience in the trauma field, Na’ama attends professional workshops and teaches health and mental health professionals, parents and teachers of sick and severely handicapped children, as well as survivors of traumas and childhood abuse about trauma, communication, and dissociation. She served as a volunteer practitioner at a center that provided free services for disadvantaged populations in New York City. She attended New York State Office of Mental Health courses about post-traumatic problems in children, and took part in workshops and outreach programs to homeless shelters for runaway teens and mentally disabled women—many of whom experienced sexual abuse and other trauma—where she assisted both residents and caregivers. She was called to assist with the healing efforts post September 11th in the emergency room of St. Vincent’s Hospital in downtown Manhattan and provided support to the medical and rescue personnel. She led “Moving from Trauma to Meaning” support groups for people affected by the disaster and/or previous traumas.

Na’ama is an active advocate for healing, internationally. She is an elected professional on the Board of Directors of the International Society for the Study of Trauma and Dissociation (ISSTD), chairs the ISSTD’s Development Committee, participates in the Child and Adolescent Task force, and holds various other volunteer positions within the organization and its component groups. She is a member of local professional groups, and remains a member of the Israeli Speech, Language and Hearing Association. For more than five years she volunteered on the support team of an international e-group for trauma survivors and their families; as well as founded and ran a not-for-profit psycho-educational support group for people with post-traumatic disorders. Na’ama wrote and published articles in her various areas of expertise, and was asked to review books, publications, and studies. She was invited to contribute to the “Critical Issues” column in its official newsletter, and her article “The Language of Dissociation” was published in the 2006 Journal of Trauma and Dissociation—the first article in the journal of its kind and the first by a non-mental health professional. Among colleagues in the Communication Disorders and Mental Health fields, Na’ama is considered a pioneer in bridging gaps of information and collaboration between disciplines and advocating on behalf of children everywhere. 

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Survivors Urge Passage of Sexual Abuse Bill

By Michael Frost
Southern Maryland Onine
February 5, 2009


ANNAPOLIS (Feb. 5, 2009) -- Survivors of childhood sexual abuse urged lawmakers Thursday to vote in favor of a bill that would extend the statute of limitations for confronting abusers in civil court.

The bill would give people who were sexually abused as minors the right to file civil action until the time they turn 50. Currently, they have until 25.

It would also provide a two-year window for victims who were barred from taking action under current law.

"Ideally, there ought not be a statute of limitations for a crime like this," said Sen. Delores Kelley, D-Baltimore County, and a sponsor of the bill.

The Maryland Catholic Conference expressed its opposition to the bill, saying that it unfairly targets private institutions and would accommodate delayed reporting of abuse. Representatives of the church cited programs already in place for protecting children and identifying potential abusers.

They also worried that the cost of lawsuits could hinder church-sponsored social and educational programs. Sexual abuse cases involving priests and others have led to lawsuits against Catholic dioceses around the country, costing hundreds of millions of dollars.

In testimony that became very emotional, proponents argued that the extension would allow survivors to confront past abuse when they are mentally and emotionally prepared to do so. It would also allow those guilty of abuse to be identified, they said, which would help protect potential victims in the future.

"These people are not statistics. They are persons who were brutalized when they were defenseless young persons," said Kelley.

Al Chesley of Bowie, a former professional football player for the Philadelphia Eagles and Chicago Bears, was one of the survivors who came forward. He recounted his abuse by a police officer when he was 13.

He expressed hope that his testimony "can be used to help some young kids not go through what I went through."

"I'm not up here as a victim. I'm a survivor," he said.

Another survivor, Paul Livingston of San Diego, flew in especially for the hearing. He said he only became able to confront past abuse upon the birth of his daughter when he was 35, and that it is still difficult for him to talk about it.

"I go from 6 (feet) 7 (inches) to two inches tall when I tell my story," he said.

Mary Ellen Russell, the executive director of the Maryland Catholic Conference, began her testimony by addressing the crowd.

"I do want to certainly express to the community, to everybody in the room, how deeply, deeply sorrowful and regretful we are for the fact that we are here at all today and having any involvement in the issue of child sexual abuse," she said.

Opponents argued that extending the statute of limitations might delay reporting of abuse.

"This bill does nothing to prevent child sexual abuse. In fact, (it) could inhibit the identification of child sexual abusers by delaying the reporting of the crime," said Michael Gambrill, retired chief of police of Baltimore County, who testified against the bill.

But proponents argued that some survivors need more time to confront what happened to them.

"Most survivors don't know how the abuse affected their lives until they've lived their lives," said Vicki Polin of Baltimore, a psychotherapist and the executive director of the International Jewish Coalition Against Sexual Abuse/Assault. Polin is also an incest survivor.

Livingston, who flew in for the hearing, said he won a civil case in California after that state enacted similar legislation.

Still, if given the choice, he said, "I'd rather have my life back."

Brooklyn: Jewish Survivors of Sexual Abuse Speaking Out! (January 26, 2009)

The Awareness Center, In. sponsored the first Jewish Survivors of Sexual Abuse Speak Out in Borough Park, NY. In attendance was survivors of various Jewish backgrounds and also survivors of other faiths. It was an extremely powerful and powerful evening for all.

Part 1 - Vicki Polin who is the founder and director of The Awareness Center is featured.

Part 2

Jewish Coalition Want Abuse Victims to Speak out

By Carolyn Peirce Examiner January 25, 2009 http://www.baltimoreexaminer.com/local/012509emsRABBI.html A Baltimore survivors coalition is starting a public awareness campaign this week to break the silence about the sexual abuse of children within Jewish communities. The Jewish Coalition Against Sexual Abuse, an international network based out of the Awareness Center in Baltimore, is organizing a series of "speak outs," that are aimed at allowing suppressed survivors of sexual abuse to educate others through their stories. The speak outs start Monday in Brooklyn, N.Y., and will begin in Baltimore Feb. 8. Rabbi Yaakov Hopfer Rabbi Yaakov Hopfer speaks at the Glen Avenue Shul. The coalition also wants local rabbis to implement "safety plans" to protect children from registered sex offenders who are attending services at their synagogues unbeknownst to parents. However, some community members said outing a convicted sex offender is unjust to the offender who already has been punished through the court system. Cantor Stuart Friedman - Convicted Sex Offender The coalition recently faced a backlash from Rabbi Yaakov Hopfer, who refuses to notify members of his Glenn Avenue Shul that they attend services with Cantor Stuart Friedman, 54, a registered sex offender in Maryland. Friedman spent time in federal prison for participating in an international child porn ring. The coalition asked Hopfer to notify parents within the Eruv of Baltimore that Friedman resides in the 6000 block of Clover Road. The coalition also asked to create a special service excluding children under the age of 21, so Friedman can pray "without being tempted," said Vicki Polin, the Awareness Center spokeswoman. "We don't think our demands are outrageous, because this is someone who's aroused by children. He's dangerous," said Polin, who added that the Jewish Coalition Against Sexual Abuse has "a few thousand members." Polin said she worries that Friedman could endanger children, possibly by photographing them, if he is not escorted in the synagogue. The coalition contacted Hopfer with its demands, but "he just slammed down the phone," Polin said. Hopfer encourages victims to report abuse to a rabbi instead of police, Polin said, and uses the Holocaust to illustrate that "reporting another Jew will bring on more hatred to the Jewish community." "It's like the Catholic Church all over, but not as large," she said. "They encourage people to come to them rather than authorities, but they don't have education or training in how to handle these things." Hopfer was reluctant to discuss Polin's allegations in a phone interview, saying he "refuses to cooperate" with the coalition because "they're irresponsible people." "This is opening up something that I don't want to speak about," he said. When asked if he notified his synagogue of Friedman's criminal record, Hopfer said, "I can only say that we've done everything possible to be responsible, caring people." Hopfer also denied ever referencing the Holocaust to encourage members of his synagogue to report abuse to a rabbi rather than authorities. "I've been accused of many things and these allegations don't mean a thing," he said. Hopfer said he wrote a letter to the community about a year ago "acknowledging that such things exist and people should speak with a professional or a rabbi and sometimes police," but he would not provide a copy of the letter. Hopfer's message to "sometimes" notify police raised concerns for the Baltimore Jewish Council, which encourages victims to "always report" abuse, said Arthur Abramson, the council's executive director. "We encourage people to go to the police, and also speak with a rabbi if they need to, because this is a person who has committed a crime and could be dangerous," he said. Friedman's neighbor, who was too scared to give her name because she also attends the Glen Avenue Shul, said the coalition's demands would only tarnish Friedman's reputation. "I think the Awareness Center should be going after people who are actually molesting children and not someone who just looked at things on the computer," she said. Friedman told The Examiner he had no comment. He has lived in the Orthodox Jewish Baltimore community since May 2007 when he finished a 15-month sentence in federal prison for sending pornography through the mail to an undercover FBI agent in California, according to a March 1999 Los Angeles Times story. Before that conviction, Friedman was arrested in Nova Scotia, Canada, where he was a cantor at Beth Israel Synagogue leading prayers and teaching children Hebrew lessons. Canadian authorities suspected Friedman had participated in an international child porn ring, and raided his residence in September 1996 where they found him seated at his computer downloading child pornography from the Internet, according to newspaper reports in the Daily News in Hailfax, Nova Scotia. Police seized hundreds of images, and dozens of videos depicting children, some as young as 8 years old, performing sexual acts, according to the Daily News. Canadian authorities said no evidence existed that indicated Friedman was physically involved with children in the synagogue or in the material seized. He pleaded guilty to possessing child pornography and received a $2,000 fine before he was deported to the United States and arrested on federal child porn charges. Friedman stood trial in Los Angeles and could have faced up to 15 years, but his attorney, Marcia Brewer, successfully argued the punishment down to 15 months in prison and three years of probation, according to the Awareness Center. Brewer also persuaded the judge to remove the requirement that Friedman disclose his child-pornography conviction to parents of anyone younger than 18 with whom he has contact because the pornography didn't include boys younger than 12, according to the Awareness Center. Brewers argued that the pornography Friedman mailed to the FBI agent only depicted boys over the age of 12. Friedman, who was listed as noncompliant for more than a year on the Maryland Sex Offender Registry, is now considered in compliance.

Come to: Brooklyn - Jewish Survivors of Sexual Abuse Speaking Out!

The Awareness Center's Jewish Survivors Speak Out is scheduled for Monday, January 26, 2009.

For more information about the Speak Out download the brochure at:
http://www.theawarenesscenter.org/brooklynspeakout.pdf

The Awareness Center, Inc., which is the international Jewish Coalition Against Sexual Abuse/Assault. www.theawarenesscenter.org

Rabbi Nochem Rosenberg's Update - January 11, 2009

Rabbi Nochem Rosenberg's update on what's happening in Brooklyn, NY in the Orthodox communities regarding sexual abuse.

The stories Rabbi Rosenberg is sharing are very similar to the stories The Awareness Center has heard coming out of Baltimore, MD; Lakewood, NJ, Monsey, NY; Melbourne, Australia; and various locations in Israel.


Part 7 -11 will be posted soon

Recorded on January 11, 2009

Part 1 - Children Being Sexually Abused in Jewish Schools


Part 2 - Problems in Advocating For Sexually Abused Children in Brooklyn



Part 3 - Fighting Against Sexual Abuse in the Orthodox World of Brooklyn


Part 4 - Witness Tampering of Survivors of Sexual Abuse and those Who Advocate For Them


Part 5 - Sex Offenders and Prison



Part 6 - Talks About 14-Year-Old Girl Who Was Sexually Assaulted


Part 7 - Educating Children About Sexual Abuse


Part 8 - Changes Needed to End Sexual Abuse in Borough Park and Williamsburg


Part 9 - Coming Soon

Part 10 - Coming Soon
Part 11 - Coming Soon

Protecting those who advocate for Jewish Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse

The Awareness Center, Inc. and Child Victims Voice of Maryland co-sponsored an event on November 26, 2008 in which Rabbi Nochem Rosenberg talked about his experiences of advocating for survivors of child sexual abuse in the ultra orthodox communities of Borough Park/Williamsburg (Brooklyn, NY)

Part 1 - Rabbi Nochem Rosenberg talks about the attempt on his life

Part 2 - Rabbi Nochem Rosenberg talks about the attempt on his life



Part 3 - Rabbi Nochem Rosenberg talks about the attempt on his life



Part 4 - Rabbi Nochum Rosenberg Named the 2008 Award Recipient -The Awareness Center, Inc.

Part 5 - Senator Jim Brochin receives award

Jewish Survivors of Sexual Abuse Speaking Out!

When:     Sunday, February 8, 2009  1:30 PM - 3:30 PM 

Where:  Pikesville Public Library, 1301 Reisterstown Rd., Pikesville, MD

Reservations Required - Seating is Limited 

RSVP:  The Awareness Center, Inc. 

            

Jewish Survivors of sexual violence rarely are provided an opportunity to speak out against the heinous crimes committed against them as children or as adults.  This educational event is designed to give those who have been victimized the opportunity to educate our community on the issues, ramifications and offer support to others who have been touched by sexual violence. 

This event is FREE and open to the public, yet reservations are required due to space limitations. 

The Awareness Center is the international Jewish Coalition Against Sexual Abuse/ Assault. 

Speakers include: 

• Leslie B. - Survivor - Survivor of sibling incest. 
• Murray Levin, JD - Advocate, Survivor of clergy sexual abuse by a rabbi. 
• Vicki Polin, LCPC - Founder/Director of The Awareness Center 
• Rabbi Nochem Rosenberg - Advocate for sexually abuse orthodox children 
• Bob Russell, Founder - Child Victims Voice Maryland, Survivor of clergy sexual abuse by a priest.

Case of Arthur Samet - Borough Park YM-YWHA (Borough Park, NY)

Arrested in October, 2008 and charged with sexual abuse and endangering the welfare of a child beginning in December 2001 at the 14th Ave.

Samet was arrested in 2007 on a charge of sexual misconduct, but the victim later refused to prosecute because of intense pressure from the Jewish community, police sources said. The case was later sealed.

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Outrage at Boro Park Y alleging child molester still has access to center

BY SIMONE WEICHSELBAUM

New York Daily News - Sunday, January 4th 2009

An accused Brooklyn child molester charged with fondling a boy inside a Boro Park six years ago still frequents the kiddie-packed center, the Daily News has learned.

Arthur Samet, 48, was arrested in October and charged with sexual abuse and endangering the welfare of a child beginning in December 2001 at the 14th Ave. YM-YWHA's Jacuzzi, according to court records.

The victim, now 19, came forward last fall to report the alleged crime.

Officials at the Y were stunned to learn of the alleged incident.

"This is the first time I am hearing about this," said Boro Park YM-YWHA directorEllie Kastel, who was shown court documents detailing the encounters by a News reporter.

"I am very disturbed that we weren't informed. It is very important to us to protect our children," Kastel said.

Asked if Samet will lose his membership, Kastel replied: "I will do what my lawyers tell me to do."

Samet was arrested in 2007 on a charge of sexual misconduct, but the victim later refused to prosecute because of intense pressure from the Jewish community, police sources said. The case was later sealed.

In the current case, investigators wanted to protect the victim from outside influence and did not officially notify the YMHA, sources said.

Prosecutors took up the case even though it was six years before the teen came forward, because state law gives child victims of sex abuse up to five years past their 18th birthday to tell authorities, said a spokesman for Brooklyn District Attorney Charles Hynes.

The teen told investigators in October that Samet molested him inside the Y three times, between December 2001 and March 2002. At least one instance occurred while they both sat inside the Y's Jacuzzi, sources said. Samet refused to comment at a December court appearance. His lawyer, Richard Finkel, said Samet is a "family man."

The issue of molestation has become more visible in the insular Borough Park community in recent months because of several arrests. Samet is the third man charged with sexually or physically abusing a child.

With Alison Gendar

simonew@nydailynews.com