Case of Rabbi Manis Friedman

Case of Rabbi Manis Friedman
(AKA: Menachem Manis haCohen Friedman, Menachem Manis Friedman) 

Saint Paul, MN 
(Crown Heights) Brooklyn, NY

Alleged enabler of sex offenders within the Lubavitch Chabad movement.

Born in Prague, Czechoslovakia in 1946, Friedman immigrated with his family to the United States in 1950.  He received his rabbinic ordination at the Rabbinical College of Canada in 1969. He currently hosts a cable television series, Torah Forum with Manis Friedman, syndicated within North America. 

Manis Friedman's brother is the renowned Jewish singer Avrahom Fried.  At one point Manis Friedman was close friends with singer, Bob Dylan.
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Disclaimer: Inclusion in this website does not constitute a recommendation or endorsement. Individuals must decide for themselves if the resources meet their own personal needs.

Table of Contents:

2013

1. Rabbi Manis Friedman's Misinformation About Sexual Abuse and Rape  (01/23/2013)
2. Unlicensed Chasidic Counselor: Rabbi Manis Friedman Speaks out about sexual abuse (01/29/2013)
3. Call for apology as Rabbi Manis Friedman likens child sex abuse to 'diarrhoea' (02/01/2013)
4. What, Indeed, Was Manis Friedman Thinking? (02/01/2013)
5. New York Rabbi Manis Friedman Filmed Comparing Child Abuse to Diarrhoea (02/01/2013)
6. Sex abuse victims sue rabbi over comments (02/01/2013)
7. Manis Friedman's Upcoming Events  (01/31/2013)
8. Letter from Manny Waks to the Beth Din (01/31/2013)
9. Chabad's Bio on Rabbi Manis Friedman (01/31/2013)
10. Rabbi Manis Friedman, who downplayed damage caused by sexual abuse, apologizes (01/31/2013)
11. The Rabbi Manis Friedman controversy continues (02/04/2013)
12. Unlicensed "Counselors": Making an example out of Rabbi Manis Friedman
    (02/06/2013)

ALSO SEE: 

• Rabbi Manis Friedman: Chabad Shliach, Philospher, Kabbalaa and Marriage Counselor 

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Rabbi Manis Friedman's Misinformation About Sexual Abuse and Rape 

Saint Paul, MN - January 23, 2012 

Rabbi Manis Friedman is a self proclaimed expert in talking about sexual abuse in the chasidic community to an audience in Saint Paul, MN.   

Unfortunately, Rabbi Friedman has no education, training or experience in working with survivors of trauma, let alone survivors of sex crimes.   The following taped presentation provides a lot of misinformation and falsehoods.  


January 29, 2013 –– Rabbi Manis Friedman published an apology video as a reaction to his previous lecture where he compared a person disclosing they once had diarrhea to a survivor of a sex crime disclosing their abuse history.

WARNING: Some of the material presented and the manor in which Rabbi Friedman provides misinformation, may cause survivors to feel a great deal of anger due to his lack of education on the topic.

Apology

Original YouTube Video

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Unlicensed Chasidic Counselor: Rabbi Manis Friedman Speaks out about sexual abuse
By Vicki Polin
Examiner - January 29, 2013

In the Jewish chasidic world it is very common for individuals to be self professed “counselors” even though they have no education or training in the mental health field –– let alone not being licensed to practice.

Over the last several months the case against Nechemya Weberman made it into international news after he was accused, convicted and sentenced to spend 103 years in prison for sexually assaulting a teenage girl who was under his care as a “counselor” –– even though he was unlicensed.

This week, a youtube clip of a presentation given by Rabbi Manis Friedman in Saint Paul, MN was posted. Like Nechemya Weberman, Manis Friedman is another unlicensed hasidic “counselor”.

Unfortunately, providing misinformation about sex crimes in the ultra-orthodox world is common place by chasidic leaders. The same type of workshop was recorded and placed on YouTube several years ago, when David Mandel, who is the CEO of Ohel Children Home and Family Services, when he gave a workshop on sexual abuse in Baltimore, MD.

Many are concerned with Rabbi Manis Friedman words, because he is a highly respected Torah scholar and the dean of Bais Chana Institute of Jewish Studies based in Saint Paul, MN.

According to Chabad, Rabbi Friedman is also a world renowned counselor –– even though Friedman has no clinical degree nor is a licensed mental health professional.

Friedman’s words on the YouTube video has not only outraged Jewish survivors of sex crimes, he has also been able to create a great deal of uproar from several experts in both the anti-rape and mental health fields.

After viewing Manis Friedman’s presentation, Dr. Michael Salamon, the founder and director of the Adult Development Center in Hewlett, NY stated: “Anyone who implies that abuse does not have a lasting impact on the victim simply has not professionally worked with a victim. “

At one point in the film clip, Rabbi Friedman talks about a factious man who was molested as a child asking if he had to tell a woman he was dating that he was molested as a child. Rabbi Friedman’s response was to say: “Do you have to tell her you once had diarrhea? –– It’s embarrassing but it’s nobodies business.” Needless to say, disclosing that someone was either sexually abused as a child or assaulted as an adult is no more then sharing that one had diarrhea.

Mary Jo Barrett, who is a world renown expert in the child abuse field stated that:

“Rabbi Manis Friedman was accurate about the idea of balance, we must find a balance for our healing from sexual violations. Yet he is so sadly misinformed about the impact of sexual abuse on the brain, the body, and the soul. A person is changed and impacted in very significant ways from sexual abuse, they are not changed molecular or neurologically from diarrhea. He is confusing stress and trauma.

The biggest problem I experience when I watch this video - Rabbi Friedman is a person of power and influence and he is speaking about something he really does not know or understand. It is as if I would do an interview about Talmud. Or try to teach fellow Jews about Halacha (Jewish Law) and Torah. His attitude and his minimization is hurtful and painful. He really has no business speaking about something that he does not understand or know about.

Friedman is right we can't get through the world without pain, stress, confusion, anxiety, etc.....We can not live unscathed. Yet the impact of violent abuse can not minimized and the impact changes someone significantly. They are not damaged, they are survivors, and they are changed in many ways. We do not have to go any further than our own tradition to understand the impact of violence on an individual or a civilization.

Manny Waks, an activist, advisory board member of The Awareness Center (international Jewish Coalition Against Sexual Assault), and survivor of child sexual abuse. stated:

“I am appalled and disgusted by Rabbi Friedman’s ignorant and insensitive comments about the issue of child sexual abuse.

As a prominent Chabad Rabbi, I am not sure if he can fully appreciate the negative impact his comments are having in the broader community—at the very least, they reflect poorly on him, Chabad, the ultra-Orthodox community and the Jewish community more broadly.
The fact is that in many cases child sexual abuse is a life and death issue—there is sufficient evidence that links this form of abuse to self-harm. It should therefore be treated with utmost seriousness and sensitivity, which would seem consistent with his religious beliefs.

I urge Rabbi Friedman to rectify this issue immediately by issuing an unreserved public apology for the profound offense and hurt he has caused so many—both victims/survivors of child sexual abuse and others within the Jewish community.

Manny Walks also calls upon others within the Orthodox rabbinate to condemn Rabbi Friedman’s shocking comments and to distance themselves and their organizations from him and his views.”

The Awareness Center, believes that Rabbi Friedman needs to be appropriately educated in dealing with issues relating to sex crimes, and is asking that everyone to call or write to Rabbi Friedman, demanding that he go through the rape victim advocacy training conducted by the Minnesota Coalition Against Sexual Assault (MNCASA), and also go back to school to get appropriate education and training prior to speaking out about healing form sex crimes.

You can contact Rabbi Friedman at: 

970-316-2647 or via E-mail at: office.rabbimanisfriedman@gmail.com  

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New York Rabbi Manis Friedman Filmed Comparing Child Abuse to Diarrhoea
By Hannah Osborne
International Business World - January 31, 2013

A leading rabbi has compared child sex abuse to diarrhoea and said it teaches victims an important lesson.

Rabbi Manis Friedman, a New York-based leader of the Chabad-Lubavitch movement, was filmed making the comments in a lecture.

In it, he discusses a child abuse victim who asked him about discussing the abuse with a new girlfriend: "They ask me, 'do I have to tell her I was molested?'

"I said 'do you have to tell her you once had diarrhoea?' It's embarrassing, but it's nobody's business.
"What's wrong with him is that he mentioned it."

Friedman, who was born in Australia, suggested that the damage caused by child abuse was mainly psychological in that it results in "loss of trust".

"It's not the event itself, it's the loss of trust, the feeling of weakness or vulnerability," he explained. 

However, the acclaimed Torah scholar also asserted that "being molested is the same as having teachers you don't like.

"The event itself - 'I'm damaged from molestation' - no you're not. In fact you've learned that not every uncle is your best friend. You've learned an important lesson."

He goes on to discuss how we are all damaged people by events that occur in our lives and that such issues "are real for almost everybody", not just child abuse victims.

Manny Waks, an anti-sex abuse campaigner, has now launched a lawsuit against Friedman in the Jewish court, or Beth Din, in Sydney and Crown Heights in Brooklyn.

He says Friedman is doing "untold damage" to the entire Jewish community and that he is perpetuating a negative perception of the orthodox community in particular.

"Most concerning, he is having a direct, damaging impact on victims and survivors of child sexual abuse and their families," Waks said.

The film of Friedman follows a similar video which showed Rabbi Ephraim Padwa, who leads the Charedi community in north London's Stamford Hill, telling an abuse victim not to go to the police.
He says that by going to the police would constitute mesira - meaning it is forbidden to report a Jew to a non-Jewish authority.

For more information on Rabbi Ephraim Padwa, click here

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What, Indeed, Was Manis Friedman Thinking?

By Chaim Levin
Huffington Post - January 31, 2013

The Internet has buzzed for the past few days over a video of Rabbi Manis Friedman discussing his thoughts about sexual abuse and how it should be handled. His remarks were reprehensibly callous and chillingly dismissive -- especially to those still struggling with an aftermath of depression, fear, feelings of worthlessness and sometimes even suicide, as well as mourning the loss of a precious and fundamental part of their psyches and souls. One would never tell someone sitting shiva (mourning) to "just get over it." 

Yes, it does get better, and survivors can overcome and thrive, particularly with understanding and appropriate support. It cannot not get better however if one does not recognize how bad it is in the first place. Insistence that there is no real problem to begin with only compounds the difficulty. As a survivor of chronic, violent sexual abuse, I found Rabbi Friedman's statements ill informed, insensitive and deeply offensive, shunting the formidable struggles of survivors of such deeply damaging crimes. 

Since first opening up about the abuse I experienced, I have reached out to many different rabbis longing for support and guidance in dealing with the haunting repercussions of being systematically abused and molested from the ages of 6 to 10. The vast majority of the rabbis, in whom I had place my fragile trust and hope, expressed insensitive, dismissive attitudes similar to Rabbi Friedman's. At the time, even some of my family, not realizing the extent of the harm caused by this trauma, displayed attitudes like Rabbi's Friedman's: "Zei a menstch (be a decent human being)"; "get over it." Such exhortations would suggest that those still struggling to overcome abuse are defective or unwilling to move on as a decent human being would -- that those struggling are not only defective but only have themselves to blame for not "moving on."

Many contend that Rabbi Friedman's intended message was that abuse cannot touch the deepest part of person and one is not inherently ruined but can overcome victimhood and still achieve great things. However, the potentially inspiring sentiments are contradicted by the inescapable indictment of those still struggling and his chuckling amusement and glibly insensitive remarks. He compared molestation to diarrhea -- a trivial "embarrassment." Instead of offering hope and reassurance to survivors that they are nonetheless worthwhile and capable, Rabbi Friedman trivializes the extremely difficult challenges faced by survivors and the exacting effects of sexual abuse, ultimately castigating those struggling as embarrassing, defective derelicts. Some are attempting shift the focus to what Rabbi Friedman may have intended, but we have been left with only his words, which are damaging.

Rabbi Blau, the spiritual advisor at Yeshiva University expressed that "it is shocking that anyone in today's world doesn't understand the trauma experienced by someone who had been abused. The greatest rabbanim in Israel starting with R' Elyashiv OBM have said that, if we know that a child was abused, you must go to the authorities. That is not a question. There is such a literature about the effect of abuse on people's bodies that it's just shocking that someone of any stature can dismiss it and make such absurd comparisons." 

I have always held Rabbi Friedman in high regard. I believe his teachings and words have often been thought provoking, moving and inspiring; he has done many great things and helped countless people. However, Rabbi Friedman's remarks in this instance betray a long-standing, serious problem within Orthodox communities: minimization sexual abuse and insensitive, dismissive treatment of survivors. This problem must be addressed, but there are some would would prefer it continued to be overlooked. 

One of Friedman's sons contacted me to asked that I remove a link to the video from my Facebook page, and the original video had been removed from youtube without explanation. A second video and an article entitled "What was Manis Friedman Thinking" appeared yesterday, seeming to promise clarification on the first. However, the first video was not acknowledged and parts of it appeared to be contradicted by the second. For example, Rabbi Friedman said in the first video that "sometimes, psychologists can cause more damage than good." In the follow up, he emphasizes the importance of psychologists in counseling abuse survivors and their role in helping survivors heal and overcome their trauma. While Rabbi Friedman clearly states in the second video that rabbis cannot replace police or therapists, those specially trained and experienced in assessing and addressing such matters, he insists on the importance of the rabbi, whose nebulous role is not clarified. Given Agudath Israel of America, the umbrella organization for Orthodoxy in the Unites States, directing adherents not to report sexual abuse to the authorities without the permission of a rabbi, and Rabbi Friedman's overall message regarding authority is ambiguous if not equivocal. The ambiguity and contradictions only raise the question of what Manis Friedman was thinking. 

Indeed, there seems to be a general lack of clear answers and leadership within the Chabad community on such issues. A townhall meeting was held in Crown heights last Spring in which Brooklyn District Attorney Charles Hynes and prominent survivor advocates spoke about the communal responsibility in dealing effectively with the grave matter of sexual abuse that has affected so many members of our community. School officials, religious leaders and public figures, such as Rabbi Manis Friedman, were noticeably absent. A source close to the event organizers stated that a Crown Heights school dean indicated he would not attend because "the issue isn't important enough," and "they didn't want to highlight this issue in public." Attitudes such as these have long played a role in the silencing survivors and sweeping sexual abuse under the rug.

With two fellow survivors, I spoke with a local Chabad school teacher regarding Rabbi Friedman's remarks and the problem of sexual abuse within Orthodox communities more generally. I asked this rabbi what he thought was the appropriate course of action when students disclose that they have been sexualy abused; I questioned specifically whether he believed such cases should be taken to the authorities without the first requesting permission of a rabbi. His response was an unequivocal "no." He explained that, as Jews, we must handle such matters the Jewish way, and force alleged perpetrators before a beis din (religious court); only if the perpetrator does not comply with the beis din, should the case be reported to authorities. I have known this teacher for most of my life as a kind and thoughtful man who has always exuded a very positive and uplifting energy. I trust that this teacher, Rabbi Friedman and many other leaders act with conviction and the best of intentions but nonetheless do not have a clue how to adequately handle sexual abuse -- without either the appropriate training in addressing sexual abuse or the power to prevent further abuse without the involvement and guidance of the appropriate authorities. This lack is all the more alarming given both Rabbi Friedman and the local teacher's decades of experience and being mandated reporters. 

Manny Waks, a heroic whistleblower and inspirational survivors advocate who had been abused in an Australian Chabad school, lamented the damage done by the "ignorant and offensive" remarks of Rabbi Friedman, a prominent rabbi and global leader, to the entire Jewish community and in perpetuating negative perceptions of the ultra-Orthodox in particular, but

"most concerning, he is having a direct, damaging impact on victims and survivors of child sexual abuse and their families. Some of those who have not yet addressed their abuse will think twice before taking any measures to obtain justice and to alleviate their pain and suffering. And some of those who already have taken measures will be self-critical. I can only hope and pray that this scandal does not cause victims additional trauma, potentially leading to extreme consequences."

Waks had been subjected to such dismissive and shocking treatment, as have many others. 

Rabbi Friedman's remarks are a public statement of the status quo within Orthodox communities -- dismissive treatment of survivors of sexual abuse, minimization of sexual abuse and a general failure to address the matter. Paradoxically and despite efforts otherwise, Rabbi Friedman's insensitivity has inspired more discussion of the once taboo subject of sexual abuse, highlighting the utter ineffectiveness of many community leaders in addressing the problem. A lone rabbi serving on the extremely divided Crown Heights beis din, Shmuel Braun had issued a halachic ruling that cases of abuse must be reported to authorities. A civil rights and social justice advocate, Eli Federman has been tracking sexual abuse cases and reports that, within five months of Rabbi Braun's ruling, more arrests were made than in the previous 20 years. This result illustrates the great power and effectiveness that leaders can have when they take an unequivocal stand for justice. 

The current contradictions and ambiguity beg questions. It is time for community members to demand answers, support survivors and insist, as had Rabbi Braun, that abuse be reported.

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Call for apology as Rabbi Manis Friedman likens child sex abuse to 'diarrhoea'
by Chip Le Grand
The Australian Sun - February 1, 2013

A LEADING figure within the ultra-orthodox Jewish movement that governs yeshiva colleges in Australia has ridiculed victims of sex abuse, likening the impact of child molestation to the "embarrassment" of diarrhoea and insisting victims are "not that damaged".

The comments by Rabbi Manis Friedman, a prominent New York-based leader of the Chabad-Lubavitch movement, were condemned by Sydney Rabbi Moshe Gutnick, president of the Organisation of Rabbis of Australasia, as an attempt to "theologically trivialise" the impact of child sex abuse.

Anti-sexual abuse campaigner Manny Waks launched simultaneous legal action against Rabbi Friedman in Jewish courts in New York and Sydney yesterday aimed at forcing a public apology and retraction of the comments circulating widely on a YouTube clip.

The Chabad-Lubavitch movement has been plagued by allegations of sexual assault at its yeshivas - traditional Jewish schools - in Melbourne, Sydney and New York.

Mr Waks, who was sexually abused when a he was a yeshiva student in Melbourne in the 1980s, said Rabbi Friedman was considered an "enlightened and moderate" leader of the ultra-orthodox community and his comments would deter other victims of abuse from coming forward.

Rabbi Friedman, a global emissary of the Chabad-Lubavitch movement headquartered in Crown Heights, Brooklyn, has family ties in Melbourne, where his cousin Sheiny New is a spokeswoman for the Jewish Taskforce against Family Violence.

Ms New yesterday distanced the taskforce from the rabbi's views.

"The pain and suffering of all victims of sexual assault must never be minimised," she said.

In a video-taped interview posted on YouTube this week and since removed, Rabbi Friedman questions whether sexual abuse is a big averiah (sin) and why victims of abuse feel damaged. "You are not that damaged -- cut it out," he said. "If in fact you did do an averiah, so do two mitzvois (good deeds). Regain your balance."

Rabbi Friedman suggests abuse was endemic within the ultra-orthodox community, saying "there is hardly a kid who comes to a yeshiva, to a program, that hasn't been molested". In a lengthy and at times rambling interview, the rabbi recalls the case of an abuse victim who sought his advice on whether to tell his fiance about his experiences.

"He said: 'Do I have to tell that I was molested?'. I said: 'Do you have to tell that you once had diarrhoea?' It's embarrassing but nobody's business."

The rabbi also recalls a conversation he had with a girl who confided in him that she was molested when she was nine. "So? Nobody is allowed to touch you? What are you, holy?" he said. "I said to this girl . . . 'Do you think you are the only one who was molested? Do you think your mother and grandmother back in Russia made it through their teenage years without being molested by a shegetz? Why are you so fragile?"

Shegetz is a derogatory word for a non-Jewish man.

Rabbi Friedman said victims of abuse, rather than being left damaged, learned an important lesson.

"In fact, you have learned that not every counsellor is heilig (holy) and not every uncle is your best friend. Am I damaged material? The answer is we are all damaged. Join the club."

A growing public backlash to the video prompted Rabbi Friedman to post a second interview in which he describes molestation of children as a "crisis" within the Jewish religious community. However, he does not retract his earlier comments.

A former teacher at Melbourne's Yeshivah College in East St Kilda, David Kramer, was extradited from the US last month to face 12 charges including indecent assault and indecent acts with children between 1989 and 1992.

In a separate case, former school security guard David Cyprys is due to stand trial in July on charges of child rape and other sexual abuse against 12 students in the 1980s.

In Brooklyn, New York, former yeshiva principal Emanuel Yegutkin was last month convicted of 75 counts of child sex abuse.

Brooklyn District Attorney Charles Hynes, who has previously compared the ultra-orthodox community to the mafia for its refusal to expose sexual predators, said Yegutkin, 33, could face the rest of his life in jail.

Rabbi Gutnick, writing in response to Mr Wak's concerns, said when the ultra-orthodox community failed to acknowledge the gravity and devastating affect of child sex abuse, "we unwittingly assist the perpetrators" and "fail in our duty to victims".

"The clip appears to theologically trivialise and minimise the physical, physiological and spiritual damage caused to the victims of sexual abuse," Rabbi Gutnick said.

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Sex abuse victims sue rabbi over comments

By Barney Zwartz 

Sydney Morning Herald - February 1, 2013 

A LEADING rabbi who compared child sex abuse to diarrhoea - ''it's embarrassing but nobody's business'' - will be sued in Jewish courts by a victim advocacy group that wants him to stand down.
In a lecture posted on YouTube but later removed, Rabbi Manis Friedman says that not reciting a blessing after eating cake is worse than being sexually abused, that victims learn ''an important lesson'' from abuse, and suggests victims ''are not that damaged, cut it out''.

Rabbi Friedman is an emissary at large from the Chabad Lubavitch headquarters in New York, and has been generally regarded as a serious and moderate figure in the Orthodox movement. That movement, and particularly its Melbourne Yeshivah centre, has been embroiled in child sex abuse controversies.

Manny Waks, an abuse victim at Yeshivah himself in the 1980s and founder of the Tzedek advocacy group for Jewish abuse survivors, said on Thursday he had launched lawsuits against Rabbi Friedman in the Jewish court or Beth Din in Sydney and Crown Heights in Brooklyn, New York. The courts would decide which of them had jurisdiction.

In the YouTube video, in which Rabbi Friedman is talking to male students, he is asked about a man whose girlfriend dropped him when he told her he had been abused. Rabbi Friedman replies: ''What's wrong with him is that he mentioned it. Do I have to tell that I was molested? Do you have to tell that you once had diarrhoea? It's embarrassing, but nobody's business.

''There's collateral damage. It's not the event itself, it's the loss of trust, the feeling of weakness or vulnerability. Those issues are issues even if you weren't molested. But the event itself - 'I'm damaged from the molestation' - no, you're not. In fact you've learnt that not every uncle is your best friend, you've learnt an important lesson.''

In another recording, Rabbi Friedman tells a girl from a Russian family: ''What! You think you were the only one molested? You think your mother and grandmother back in Russia made it through their teenage years without being molested?''

Mr Waks says in his application to the Jewish court that Rabbi Friedman is ''doing untold damage to the entire Jewish community. As a global leader, he is damaging the reputation of the Jewish community broadly. He is also perpetuating the negative perception many have of the ultra-Orthodox community.

''Most concerning, he is having a direct, damaging impact on victims and survivors of child sexual abuse and their families. [His] remarks may give succour to elements within the Chabad-Lubavitch Yeshivah community in Melbourne, who have responded abysmally to the serious allegations of abuse within their institutions.''

Mr Waks wants the court to make the rabbi retract his remarks and apologise. He told Fairfax Media that victims might be deterred from reporting abuse to police or from seeking therapy by the rabbi's ''deeply hurtful and offensive'' comments, and that the rabbi should stand down from every leadership position.

Rabbi Moshe Gutnick, president of the Organisation of Australasian Rabbis, said in an email to Mr Waks that Rabbi Friedman seemed to trivialise and minimise the damage sexual abuse caused victims.

''It is simply ignorance to say we are all 'damaged' in the same manner as victims of sexual abuse and it is the height of insensitivity to suggest the treatment for a victim is just to perform additional mitzvois [good works].''

Fairfax Media could not contact Rabbi Friedman.


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Manis Friedman's Upcoming Events 
Manis Friedman.com  - Feburary 1, 2013

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Letter from Manny Waks to the Beth Din
February 1, 2013

In light of recent developments, Tzedek has today launched legal proceedings through a Beth Din (Jewish Court) against Rabbi Manis Friedman. The following is our letter, which has just been sent to the relevant judges:

Rabbi Yossi Braun
Dayan (Judge) - Crown Heights Beth Din

Rabbi Moshe Gutnick
Dayan (Judge) - Sydney Beth Din


Dear Rabbis Braun and Gutnick,

As you would both be aware, Rabbi Manis Friedman, an Emissary of the global Chabad-Lubavitch movement, which has its headquarters in Crown Heights, Brooklyn, and who is a prominent leader within this movement, has posted two YouTube clips regarding the issue of child sexual abuse.

His first clip, which he subsequently removed from YouTube, can be viewed at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cZhMLLC9iNk.

His second clip can be viewed at http://www.youtube.com/watch?gl=US&hl=en&client=mv-google&v=_7zLhtmfT-4&nomobile=1.

A new recording has now emerged and you can listen to it at https://docs.google.com/file/d/0B_SOxuJa5ts5Sm1kZzFCTlNCZ00/edit.

As you will hear in the first YouTube clip and in the new recording, Rabbi Friedman makes profoundly ignorant and deeply offensive remarks. Further, my understanding is that he also conveys a complete distortion of Halacha (Jewish Law).

While Rabbi Friedman says many reasonable things in the second YouTube clip, mainly about a rabbi’s role in responding to this type of abuse, shockingly, he completely ignores his previous ignorant and offensive remarks.

The fact that such a prominent rabbi within the Chabad-Lubavitch movement has come out with such ignorant and offensive remarks is doing untold damage to the entire Jewish community, especially as he is considered an enlightened and a moderate individual. As a global leader he is damaging the reputation of the Jewish community broadly. He is also perpetuating the negative perception many have of the ultra-Orthodox community, including the Chabad-Lubavitch movement.

Most concerning, he is having a direct, damaging impact on victims and survivors of child sexual abuse and their families. Some of those who have not yet addressed their abuse will think twice before taking any measures to obtain justice and to alleviate their pain and suffering. And some of those who have already taken measures will be self-critical.

I can only hope and pray that Rabbi Friedman’s remarks do not cause victims additional trauma, potentially leading to extreme consequences.

An additional danger is that Rabbi Friedman’s remarks may give succour to elements within the Chabad-Lubavitch Yeshivah community in Melbourne, who have responded abysmally to the serious allegations of abuse within their institutions. They would now seemingly be able to justify their approach by relying on Rabbi Friedman’s attitude and remarks—he is after all a leading figure within the Chabad-Lubavitch movement.

On behalf of Tzedek, an Australian-based advocacy group for victims and survivors of child sexual abuse within the Jewish community, I hereby give you notice that I would like to launch a Din Torah (matter of litigation) against Rabbi Manis Friedman in relation to his offending remarks. These proceedings will be launched in the Crown Heights Beth Din and the Sydney Beth Din respectively.

We feel that it is most appropriate to launch proceedings in both Battei Din because (a) Crown Heights is the Headquarters of the Chabad-Lubavitch movement (b) Rabbi Manis Friedman resides in the US, and (c) Tzedek is based in Australia and many of those who were offended by Rabbi Friedman’s remarks reside in Australia.

The main purposes of launching this Din Torah include:

• to send a strong message to the community that such remarks will not be tolerated, especially by a leading figure, and individuals may be held to account;
• to ensure Rabbi Friedman retracts his offending remarks;
• to ensure Rabbi Friedman makes a public and unreserved apology; and
• by the Beth Din issuing a clear and unequivocal ruling, to educate Rabbi Friedman (and others) in how to view and respond to child sexual abuse within the Jewish community.

Thus far Rabbi Friedman has steadfastly refused to even refer to his offending comments, let alone issue a retraction or an apology. Therefore, we strongly feel that Rabbi Friedman must be held to full account for the obvious and as yet untold damage that he has done.

Please advise at your earliest convenience of the next steps that need to be taken so that we can schedule a hearing date as soon as possible. For as a long as this matter remains unresolved, many in the Jewish community continue to suffer.

Sincerely and respectfully,

Manny Waks
President
Tzedek

Tzedek is an advocacy group for victims/survivors of child sexual abuse within the Jewish community.

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Chabad's Bio on Rabbi Manis Friedman 
Chabad.org - Feb. 1, 2013

Please note that Chabad's web page describes Rabbi Friedman as a world-renowned author. 

 

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Rabbi Manis Friedman's Webpage
ManisFriedman.com - February 1, 2013

 Over the last 24 hours Rabbi Friedman's web page keeps changing.  Originally it described him as a counselor, then it was changed to being a Marriage and Family Counselor.  If you notice at the top of this screen shoot of his web page, it describes himself as:  Rabbi Manis Friedman | Chabad Shliach | Philiosopher Kabala | Marriage Counselor.

 As the chatter on the internet continued, he changed his site to the following:

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Rabbi Manis Friedman, who downplayed damage caused by sexual abuse, apologizes

By Jonah Lowenfeld

Jewish Journal - January 31, 2013 

Rabbi Manis Friedman, a prominent rabbi from the Hasidic Chabad Lubavitch movement who appeared in a video recently posted on YouTube minimizing the harm caused by sexual molestation, has apologized for what he called his “completely inappropriate use of language.”

“I have always believed in the importance of empowering victims of all kinds to move forward in building their lives,” Friedman wrote in an email to The Journal. “In my zeal to reinforce that belief, I came across as being dismissive of one of the worst crimes imaginable.

The controversial video was first posted on YouTube on Jan. 29 and had been viewed over 4,500 times as of Jan. 31. In it, Friedman, the founder of an educational institute for Jewish women in Minnesota, appeared dismissive of victims of sexual abuse, at one point suggesting that the long-term effects of molestation were no worse than those of diarrhea.

“You’re not that damaged, cut it out,” Friedman said in the video, speaking of victims of sexual molestation.

“Zay a mensch,” the rabbi added, a Yiddish phrase that roughly translates to, “Act like a human being."

At a time when some leaders in Orthodox and ultra-Orthodox Jewish communities are beginning to speak out against sexual abuse and the covering up of molestation by rabbis and authority figures, Friedman’s videotaped remarks drew fierce criticism from around the world.

“Rabbi Friedman's remarks in this instance betray a long-standing, serious problem within Orthodox communities, a minimization sexual abuse and insensitive, dismissive treatment of survivors,” wrote Chaim Levin, a gay Jewish activist, in the Huffington Post.

Friedman founded Bais Chana, a Lubavitch educational institute for Jewish women in Twin Cities, Minn., in 1971. According to its Web site, Friedman still serves as the lead teacher at Bais Chana, which offers programs for women of all ages, including a summertime program for girls aged 15-18.

At one point during the eight-minute video, a man off-screen asks Freidman about a situation faced by one of his own students. The student was dumped by a girl he was seeing after revealing that he had suffered sexual abuse at the hands of a family member for two years.

In his response, Friedman draws a parallel between having been molested and having diarrhea, suggesting that victims of sexual abuse would be better off if they kept quiet.

“What’s wrong with him is that he mentioned it,” Freidman said.

“Do you have to tell her that you once had diarrhea?” he added. “It’s embarrassing, but it’s nobody’s business.”

Manny Waks, an Australian Jewish survivor of abuse who founded a group for other Jewish survivors of abuse, also took offense at Friedman’s remarks, and has reportedly filed suits in rabbinic courts in New York and Sydney rabbinic court, aimed at removing Friedman from his leadership positions.

“He needs to be stripped of any leadership position he holds,” Waks told SBS, “he ultimately needs to apologi[z]e and retract those statements... and undertake some sort of educational session so he is aware of the impact of child sexual abuse.”

In the apology emailed to the Journal late on Jan. 31, Friedman said he was “deeply sorry,” and called molestation “a devastating crime.”

“Perpetrators of molestation should be reported to the police and prosecuted appropriately,” Friedman wrote. “Any person, organization or entity that stands by silently is abetting in the crime.”

Waks welcomed Friedman's apology, calling it a "positive first step" in an email.

"I hope Rabbi Friedman contacts me so we can have a discussion about the impact of abuse, and for him to hear first-hand of the damage that he has caused," Waks wrote on Jan. 31.

Waks said that in light of Friedman's apology, his organization would "reconsider [its] position" before pursuing legal action in rabbinic court.

The full text of Friedman’s apology is below:

I want to apologize for my completely inappropriate use of language when discussing sexual abuse. I have always believed in the importance of empowering victims of all kinds to move forward in building their lives. In my zeal to reinforce that belief, I came across as being dismissive of one of the worst crimes imaginable.
For that I am deeply sorry.

Molestation is a devastating crime, violating the intimacy and innocence of the pure and defenseless. The victim is left feeling that there is something wrong with the world in which they live. Perpetrators of molestation should be reported to the police and prosecuted appropriately. Any person, organization or entity that stands by silently is abetting in the crime.

From now on, I will make sure to make those points absolutely clear. This is about more than regret. The subject can't be neglected.

I hope over time to earn the forgiveness of those who were hurt by my words.

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The Rabbi Manis Friedman controversy continues

By Vicki Polin

Examiner - February 4, 2013

Recently Rabbi Manis Friedman, who is a world renowned community leader in the chasidic (Lubavitch Chabad) world posted a film clip of himself on YouTube discussing sexual abuse and rape in the ultra-orthodox Jewish community. This film clip contained a great deal of misinformation and falsehoods, which caused an uproar not only in the Jewish orthodox survivor community, but also with both legal and licensed mental health professionals who are experts in the anti-rape field. 

In the first YouTube presentation, Rabbi Friedman compared a person disclosing a potential marriage partner that they once had diarrhea –– to a survivor of a sex crime disclosing their abuse history to the very same individual. 

As a result to the uproar a second video was created in which some viewers felt was an apology, while others within the Jewish survivors community thought it was nothing more then a public relations –– damage control piece.

Rafael Marinelli, who lives in New York City shared that he thoughts after watching Manis Friedman’s second video: “I guess that’s as close as he’ll get to an apology.” When asked if he thought the film clip was a PR piece, Marinelli responded by saying: “yes, but it is a pretty bad one, Rabbi Friedman didn't apologize, nor did he even allude to his previous offensive remarks and that he was playing amateur psychologist.”

Manny Waks, who is an activist, advisory board member of The Awareness Center (international Jewish Coalition Against Sexual Assault), and survivor of child sexual abuse, said:

“While Rabbi Friedman says many reasonable things in this new clip, mainly about a rabbi’s role in responding to this type of abuse, shockingly, he completely ignores his previous ignorant and offensive remarks. To not even refer to his previous clip is an affront to all of us.

I can imagine that it was either his decision or based upon the advice of PR experts to simply ignore his previous remarks in the hope that they would be forgotten. Well, they have not been forgotten.

He is displaying first class arrogance and demonstrating that he lacks any remorse, sensitivity or credibility.

Rabbi Friedman must unreservedly and publicly apologize immediately for the pain and suffering that he has caused to so many of us, and for the as yet untold damage that he has done by minimizing the impact of abuse in his original clip (amongst other things).

Until he makes this apology he has absolutely no credibility whatsoever and this incident will forever taint his reputation.

After the first clip he lost my respect temporarily. He has now lost my respect permanently.”

A rabbi who watched both film clips and wished to remain anonymous believed that “Rabbi Friedman says things to initially shock the system, but if given the chance to explain himself, what he says is often very compelling. . . it would be a shame to write someone off with so much wisdom, compassion and understanding based on a few sound bites from youtube”

Dr. Michael J. Salamon -- In the subsequent video Rabbi Friedman seems to begin to understand the overwhelming harm that abuse can cause. He would do well to consult with an expert in the field when making pronouncements. I doubt that he would tell a post heart attack survivor to get over it.

Several attempts were made to contact Rabbi Friedman regarding his YouTube videos yet he chose not to respond.

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Unlicensed "Counselors": Making an example out of Rabbi Manis Friedman 
By Vicki Polin
Examiner - February 6, 2013

 
 Over the last few weeks, the infamous Rabbi Manis Friedman YouTube video has been sending shock waves within the Chabad-Lubavitch movement of Judaism, along with many survivors of sex crimes and those who work with in the anti-rape movement from within every faith.

In Rabbi Friedman’s original YouTube presentation he compared disclosing one was sexually abused as a child –– to sharing that one had a bout of diarrhea. Suggesting that it would be inappropriate to share such information with a perspective life partner; along with several other very sic analogies in his failed attempt to be cleaver and informative.

Since the first film clip aired Friedman made a second YouTube video in which many felt was his attempt at making an apology. Several survivors and mental health professionals have felt this second YouTube video was nothing more then a public relations piece in hopes of doing damage control –– after making his personal views on healing, public.

Many community leaders from with in the Chabad-Lubavitch movement have been making excuses for Friedman’s inappropriate and demeaning comments.

A highly respected Lubavitch rabbi who wishes to remain anonymous stated:

“I personally respect Rabbi Friedman very much. He does say things that initially shock the system but once given the chance to explain what he says is most often very compelling. It would be a shame to write off someone with so much wisdom, compassion and understanding based on a few sound bites from youtube. No one should expect a free pass, but over 30 years of dedicated service to the community including to abuse victims who have experienced healing through listening to his words of wisdom –– should earn him a bit of an investigation before placing him on the "black list".”

It’s important to note that Rabbi Manis Friedman is not the only orthodox rabbi who is a self-professed “marriage and family counselor”, who has made inappropriate comments and suggestions to survivors.

Several years ago when Dina Tamar got engaged to a man who was a Kohain (a descendent Aaron) she sought out guidance from Rabbi Shlomo Canvasser, who is another self-proclaimed “counselor”, who at the time had office space in Heritage House in in the Jewish Quarter of Jerusalem’s old city.

Dina grew up in a secular home and knew very little about Jewish law. At the time she was a very new Ba’al Teshuva (a returnee to the orthodox way of life). She was a student at a woman’s seminary in Jerusalem and was being taught to ask rabbis for guidance in how to do just about everything. Dina went to Rabbi Canvasser to get advise in how to tell her fiancee that she was an incest survivor.

Dina had no idea that according to Jewish law, she would not be allowed to marry her fiancee because she had “illicit sex” with her father.

Instead of finding a therapeutic way of informing Dina of the problem, Rabbi Canvasser stated:“You can’t marry him, you were F _ _ _ ed by your father. He’s a Kohain. What are you thinking?”

Dina was in shocked not only to learn that because she was abused as a child, but also at the vulgar word choice this orthodox rabbi used. Instead of showing Dina compassion and empathy, Rabbi Canvasser’s words re-victimized this abuse survivor. Dina had no choice but to break up her engagement. She knew she could no longer communicate with this orthodox “counselor”, and was afraid to share any more thoughts or feelings she had with anyone. She ended up retreating emotionally, which spiraled into a deep depression that lasted several years -- until she felt safe enough to find a “real” mental health professional to help her cope with this re-traumatization caused by self-proclaimed orthodox “counselor”.

Neither Rabbi Manis Friedman or Rabbi Shlomo Canvasser have a master’s degree in the mental health field nor are they licensed. Because of this those who go to them for any form of spiritual counseling have no legal standing or venue they can utilize when inappropriate “counseling techniques” are utilized. Nor are they bound by confidentiality, unless some sort of written confidentiality agreement is signed prior to entering into this type of professional relationship.

For these reasons many mental health and legal professionals, along with activists in the anti-rape field, believe it may not be best interest to communicate with “self-proclaimed counselors” or even “life-coaches”. Much better to find someone who is a licensed professional, who has specialized training in the field and can prove that they are both experienced and qualified.

Suggested by the author:

• Unlicensed Chasidic Counselor: Rabbi Manis Friedman speaks about sexual abuse
• The Rabbi Manis Friedman controversy continues

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