© By Jan Groenveld
(Reprinted by Permission)
(Reprinted by Permission)
IT
HURTS to discover you were deceived - that what you thought was the
"one true religion," the "path to total fredom," or "truth" was in
reality a cult.
IT HURTS when you learn that
people you trusted implicitly - whom you were taught not to question -
were "pulling the wool over your eyes" albeit unwittingly.
IT HURTS when you learn that
those you were taught were your "enemies" were telling the truth after
all -- but you had been told they were liars, deceivers, repressive,
satanic etc and not to listen to them.
IT HURTS when you know your
faith in God hasn't changed - only your trust in an organization - yet
you are accused of apostasy, being a trouble maker. It hurts even more
when it is your family and friends making these accusations.
IT HURTS to realize their love
and acceptance was conditional on you remaining a member of good
standing. This cuts so deeply you try and suppress it. All you want to
do is forget - but how can you forget your family and friends?
IT HURTS to see the looks of
hatred coming from the faces of those you love - to hear the deafening
silence when you try and talk to them. It cuts deeply when you try and
give your child a hug and they stand like a statue, pretending you
aren't there. It stabs like a knife when you know your spouse looks upon
you as demonised and teaches your children to hate you.
IT HURTS to know you must start
all over again. You feel you have wasted so much time. You feel
betrayed, disillusioned, suspicious of everyone including family,
friends and other former members.
IT HURTS when you find yourself
feeling guilty or ashamed of what you were - even about leaving them.
You feel depressed, confused, lonely. You find it difficult to make
decisions. You don't know what to do with yourself because you have so
much time on your hands now - yet you still feel guilty for spending
time on recreation.
IT HURTS when you feel as though
you have lost touch with reality. You feel as though you are "floating"
and wonder if you really are better off and long for the security you
had in the organization and yet you know you cannot go back.
IT HURTS when you feel you are
all alone - that no one seems to understand what you are feeling. It
hurts when you realize your self confidence and self worth are almost
non-existent.
IT HURTS when you have to front
up to friends and family to hear their "I told you so" whether that
statement is verbal or not. It makes you feel even more stupid than you
already do - your confidence and self worth plummet even further.
IT HURTS when you realize you
gave up everything for the cult - your education, career, finances, time
and energy - and now have to seek employment or restart your education.
How do you explain all those missing years?
IT HURTS because you know that
even though you were deceived, you are responsible for being taken in.
All that wasted time........ at least that is what it seems to you -
wasted time.
THE PAIN OF GRIEF
Leaving a cult is like
experiencing the death of a close relative or a broken relationship. The
feeling is often described as like having been betrayed by someone with
whom you were in love. You feel you were simply used.
There is a grieving process to
pass through. Whereas most people understand that a person must grieve
after a death etc, they find it difficult to understand the same applies
in this situation. There is no instant cure for the grief, confusion
and pain. Like all grieving periods, time is the healer. Some feel
guilty, or wrong about this grief. They shouldn't -- It IS normal. It is
NOT wrong to feel confused, uncertain, disillusioned, guilty, angry,
untrusting - these are all part of the process. In time the negative
feelings will be replaced with clear thinking, joy, peace, and trust.
YES - IT HURTS BUT THE HURTS WILL HEAL WITH TIME, PATIENCE & UNDERSTANDING
There is life after the cult
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