Case of Meyer Miller
(AKA: The Case of the Kosher
Butcher)
Kosher Butcher - (Rogers Park) Chicago, IL
The story begins more than 30 years ago, when a respected
well-known member of the Chicago's Orthodox community began sexually molesting
young girls. Most were between the ages of 5 and 12. Each thought they were
the only one. And so all kept quiet about what had happened to them.
_________________________________________________________________________________
Disclaimer: Inclusion in this website does not constitute a recommendation or endorsement. Individuals must decide for themselves if the resources meet their own personal needs.
Table of Contents:
-
A Community's Shameful
Silence (01/28 - 02/3/2000)
-
Subject: Molesters in frum
community (02/3/2000)
-
Abuse Argument: Chicago's Orthodox
rabbis are defending their response to allegations of child molestation in
the Orthodox community (02/11/2000)
-
Darkness before dawn
(05/31/2001)
Also see:
_________________________________________________________________________________
A
Community's Shameful Silence: Two women are working to get Orthodox
rabbis to do more to inform and educate the public about child sexual
abuseBy Joseph Aaron and Golda Shira
Chicago Jewish News - Jan. 28 - Feb. 3, 2000
It is a story more than 30 years old.
A story few wish to talk about and even fewer wish to hear about, a story of children being sexually abused by respected members of the community, a story of rabbinic leaders devoting more energy to keeping the story out of the public eye than making sure the perpetrator doesn't strike again, a story of victims feeling not only uncared for but feeling victimized over and over by not having what was done to them publicly acknowledged, by having to watch as their perpetrators walk around the community. It is a story of two many Jews not wanting to believe something like this could happen among Jews by Jews, a story of how their disbelief has allowed it to keep happening.
It is a story that goes back more than 30 years and a story that until very recently was continuing to go on, destroying lives.
It is not a very pretty story, but it is a story that is resulting in, if not a happy, at least, a productive, constructive ending. In the shameful silence coming to an end. In positive steps being taken. In a community coming face to face with reality and giving a face to all those who have
suffered in silence and searing pain.
And that is thanks to the work of tow very determined, very courageous, very caring women, women who would not just pretend it wasn't happening, wouldn't just sit back when others were doing nothing, wouldn't let ignorance of fear of shame be an answer. Two women who pushed and pushed community leaders to recognize and acknowledge how serious was the problem, to understand that
trying to keep it hidden was the very worst thing to do, who understood that protecting the victims was far more important than shielding the perpetrator, who understood that the only way to ensure there were no future victims was not to assume the problem would disappear but to address the problem head on.
 |
| Debbie Hartman and Jo Brucks - Heroes/Women of Valor |
It
would be a cliché to call Debbie Hartman and Jo Bruck women of valor.
Besides that, the far more accurate description is that they are women
with guts, inspiring women who saw ignorance and indifference and wrong
all around them and who wouldn't give up until people starting caring,
started acting, started doing what was right.
And right needed to be done for a very long time.
The story begins more than 30 years ago, when a respected well-known member of the Chicago's Orthodox community began sexually molesting young girls. Most were between the ages of 5 and 12. Each thought they were the only one. And so all kept quiet about what had happened to them.
Which is why it kept happening. Some Orthodox leaders knew about it bust said nothing, did nothing. Most members of the community heard the occasional whispered rumor but either didn't believe it or chose not to believe it.
And because each of the victims thought they were the only ones, they said nothing, in most cases blaming themselves, figuring they had done something wrong for this to happen to them.
It was about seven years ago that a community lecture on sexual abuse was canceled because it was decided it was "not relevant for the from community." When Bruck was told that by the event organizer, she said, "oh yes, it is." Hartman and Bruck, who are sisters, had a family member who was a victim of abuse.
Over lunch shortly after, Hartman mentioned the incident to the women she was with and said that, in fact, there was someone in the community who had abused young girls. "One of the women go very upset and said 'you must tell me who it is, you must tell me right now'. And then she told us that he done the same to her more than 20 years before.
Then, Hartman said, word began circulating in her shul that a child had also been victimized by the man, a kosher butcher. "I asked her parents if that was true," said Hartman, "and they said it was".
It was with that that Hartman began "shaking things up, talking about this, saying something had to be done." Once it became known she was talking about it, Hartman said she got calls from others who had also been victimized.
"I wasn't out looking for this and this in not something people want to share. But they had kept it buried for so long and when they found out they weren't alone, they needed to open up."
Indeed, Hartman tells of one woman who had been victimized when she was five years old "and hadn't told a soul until she told me, when she was thirty something. She had been festering inside of her for all those years and when she finally opened up the gates, it was like a flood of emotions."
Hartman isn't sure why this woman and others opened up to her. She is sure, however, why she listened and responded.
"One of my family members was hurt in a way they should not have been hurt and didn't tell anyone for a very long time. They didn't know how. No one should have to feel such pain, humiliation and degradation. No one should have to wait 30 years to be helped."
What made sure Hartman would begin a crusade to see that help was there, was when she was talking to a woman in shul who had just moved to Chicago from out of town and learned that the family was temporarily staying in the house of the perpetrator.
"I told her she needed to know that while the wife was nice, she had to be very careful about the husband. I thought she might get mad at me, tell me to mind my own business. Instead, she thanked me and said 'I couldn’t understand why he kept taking my daughter down to the van with him.' The woman came back a few minutes later and thanked me again.
"Needless to say they quickly moved out of that house. The truth is I was sick to my stomach having to tell her that, but I knew somebody had to say something'.
And do something about this man who had been molesting young girls in the community for more than 25 years.
Problem is no one was doing anything about it. Hartman and Bruck asked a therapist they knew to go to the community's leading rabbis and urge them to do something about the perpetrator. After much urging and pushing, the rabbis did finally call the man in. He admitted to having abused the young girls and promised to stop. Shocked that he so readily confessed, the rabbis told him to get counseling and instituted some minor restrictions on his activities.
And that was that.This story broke in the Chicago Jewish News a year after The Awareness Center started organizing. Unfortunately, it took a few years before anyone would name the offender in this case, along with several other names.Please note that there is no mention of the alleged offender Meyer Miller who was a Kosher Butch in Chicago. His alleged victims included alleged sex offender Dr. Rabbi, Avrohom Mondrowitz. For more information on this case, click here.
And right needed to be done for a very long time.
The story begins more than 30 years ago, when a respected well-known member of the Chicago's Orthodox community began sexually molesting young girls. Most were between the ages of 5 and 12. Each thought they were the only one. And so all kept quiet about what had happened to them.
Which is why it kept happening. Some Orthodox leaders knew about it bust said nothing, did nothing. Most members of the community heard the occasional whispered rumor but either didn't believe it or chose not to believe it.
And because each of the victims thought they were the only ones, they said nothing, in most cases blaming themselves, figuring they had done something wrong for this to happen to them.
It was about seven years ago that a community lecture on sexual abuse was canceled because it was decided it was "not relevant for the from community." When Bruck was told that by the event organizer, she said, "oh yes, it is." Hartman and Bruck, who are sisters, had a family member who was a victim of abuse.
Over lunch shortly after, Hartman mentioned the incident to the women she was with and said that, in fact, there was someone in the community who had abused young girls. "One of the women go very upset and said 'you must tell me who it is, you must tell me right now'. And then she told us that he done the same to her more than 20 years before.
Then, Hartman said, word began circulating in her shul that a child had also been victimized by the man, a kosher butcher. "I asked her parents if that was true," said Hartman, "and they said it was".
It was with that that Hartman began "shaking things up, talking about this, saying something had to be done." Once it became known she was talking about it, Hartman said she got calls from others who had also been victimized.
"I wasn't out looking for this and this in not something people want to share. But they had kept it buried for so long and when they found out they weren't alone, they needed to open up."
Indeed, Hartman tells of one woman who had been victimized when she was five years old "and hadn't told a soul until she told me, when she was thirty something. She had been festering inside of her for all those years and when she finally opened up the gates, it was like a flood of emotions."
Hartman isn't sure why this woman and others opened up to her. She is sure, however, why she listened and responded.
"One of my family members was hurt in a way they should not have been hurt and didn't tell anyone for a very long time. They didn't know how. No one should have to feel such pain, humiliation and degradation. No one should have to wait 30 years to be helped."
What made sure Hartman would begin a crusade to see that help was there, was when she was talking to a woman in shul who had just moved to Chicago from out of town and learned that the family was temporarily staying in the house of the perpetrator.
"I told her she needed to know that while the wife was nice, she had to be very careful about the husband. I thought she might get mad at me, tell me to mind my own business. Instead, she thanked me and said 'I couldn’t understand why he kept taking my daughter down to the van with him.' The woman came back a few minutes later and thanked me again.
"Needless to say they quickly moved out of that house. The truth is I was sick to my stomach having to tell her that, but I knew somebody had to say something'.
And do something about this man who had been molesting young girls in the community for more than 25 years.
Problem is no one was doing anything about it. Hartman and Bruck asked a therapist they knew to go to the community's leading rabbis and urge them to do something about the perpetrator. After much urging and pushing, the rabbis did finally call the man in. He admitted to having abused the young girls and promised to stop. Shocked that he so readily confessed, the rabbis told him to get counseling and instituted some minor restrictions on his activities.
And that was that.This story broke in the Chicago Jewish News a year after The Awareness Center started organizing. Unfortunately, it took a few years before anyone would name the offender in this case, along with several other names.Please note that there is no mention of the alleged offender Meyer Miller who was a Kosher Butch in Chicago. His alleged victims included alleged sex offender Dr. Rabbi, Avrohom Mondrowitz. For more information on this case, click here.
But that was not enough.
"You would see him at public events," said Hartman. "In fact, I was there when he came up to get his ticket and one of his victims was working behind the desk. She sees him and starts shaking, shaking and he's fine, he's having a life."
And so Hartman and her sister went back to the rabbis and pushed more, pushed to have the rabbis "come up with more stringent rules and regulations on what he could and couldn't do. That he shouldn't be allowed to go to a bar mitzvah, weddings, any social events. So they finally did that. But other things that should have been done were not done. It was a year before his own family was told. Meanwhile, his oldest daughters were in outreach and would bring home girls and girls and girls every Shabbos. When what he had done became known in the community, his youngest daughter was still living in the house with him. She should have been in counseling, but he wouldn't allow it. Who the hell is he not to allow it. But nobody did anything about it."
The problem, says Hartman, was that this was an area that the community's leading rabbis were simply not prepared to handle properly.
"They're not educated in this. Which is understandable. When they were in school, no one ever sat down with them and said someday you're going to have to deal with sexual molestation and abuse."
Hartman doesn't blame them for not knowing, but she does blame them for not trying to know, for the community's rabbis not coming together and sitting down and figuring out how to deal with this.
They didn't do that, says Bruck, "because they don’t' want any part of it. They don't want to believe this happens. And so even when it was shown that it does happen, they say it was an isolated incident, that Jewish men don't behave like this, that it will not happen again."
And so Hartman and her sister went back to the rabbis and pushed more, pushed to have the rabbis "come up with more stringent rules and regulations on what he could and couldn't do. That he shouldn't be allowed to go to a bar mitzvah, weddings, any social events. So they finally did that. But other things that should have been done were not done. It was a year before his own family was told. Meanwhile, his oldest daughters were in outreach and would bring home girls and girls and girls every Shabbos. When what he had done became known in the community, his youngest daughter was still living in the house with him. She should have been in counseling, but he wouldn't allow it. Who the hell is he not to allow it. But nobody did anything about it."
The problem, says Hartman, was that this was an area that the community's leading rabbis were simply not prepared to handle properly.
"They're not educated in this. Which is understandable. When they were in school, no one ever sat down with them and said someday you're going to have to deal with sexual molestation and abuse."
Hartman doesn't blame them for not knowing, but she does blame them for not trying to know, for the community's rabbis not coming together and sitting down and figuring out how to deal with this.
They didn't do that, says Bruck, "because they don’t' want any part of it. They don't want to believe this happens. And so even when it was shown that it does happen, they say it was an isolated incident, that Jewish men don't behave like this, that it will not happen again."
But does. And it has.
Indeed, it was just in the last couple of months that it was discovered a teacher at one of Chicago's Orthodox day schools, a rabbi, had been sexually molesting students, mostly boys.
According to Marjorie Newman, a spokesman for the Department of Children and Family Services, their investigation found that at least nine students at the school, 8 boys and one girl, ages 10 to 14, were abused.
And there may be more. "We know it wasn't just this year," said Bruck. "He has taught there for many years. He also gave bar mitzvah lessons. One incident is bad enough", said Bruck, "but this is unbelievable.
When they learned of this second, current incidence of a respected community member sexually molesting children, Hartman and Bruck were determined things would be handled differently than they were seven years ago.
"When we came to them so many years ago, it would have been nice if they had gotten together and put into effect some sort of program, some sort of mechanism but they were not willing to do it, " said Hartman. "If they had, maybe what has happened wouldn't have, maybe one of these young men would have spoken up and said 'my rebbe is doing something that is wrong' and it would have been stopped earlier. They would have had a place to go, know there would be someone who would do something."
But because nothing was done then, Hartman and Bruck were adamant something be done now.
Incredibly, however, at first, they got basically the same king of response this time as they had last time from virtually all the rabbis in the Orthodox community.
"We went to several rabbis and nobody would step up and do anything," said Hartman.
"We approached every rav," adds Bruck. "They weren't surprised about it, they all knew about it and they all said no thanks, we don't want any involvement. They were not interested in dealing with it."
Which convinced the two sisters they had to go and talk to the community's leading halachic authority.
But wanting to make sure all aspects of the issue would be covered by those better versed in the area than they are, Hartman and Bruck asked a prominent rabbi, and Orthodox attorney and an Orthodox psychotherapist to go with them.
"They each said they'd let us know. But we never heard back from any of them. So we went ourselves."
"I told him I was not happy he didn't not get involved seven years ago and that he had to be involved this time," says Hartman. "I did not speak meekly but was adamant to get my point across. We explained to him, from a to z, how others had been victimized because things had not been put into place. He said he didn't know how to deal with it and we explained that wasn't an answer." And so Bruck and Harman spent hours explaining that pedophilia is a disease, explaining why it was so important the community be alerted that this goes on and had been going on, explaining the pain it causes its victims. They begged this rabbi to learn more, to do more. He said he would.
And, indeed, Hartman and Bruck are please that four rabbis, Rabbi Zev Cohen of Congregation Adas Yehurun, Rabbi Gedaliah Schwarts of the Chicago Rabbinical Council, Rabbi Shmuel Fuerst of Agudath Israel of Illinois and Rabbi Avrohom Levin of Telshe Yeshiva have agreed to serve as the rabbinical advisory board of Project Shield, a new effort to more systematically deal with the issue of sexual abuse (see separate story).
Rabbi Cohen defends how the community's rabbis have dealt with the current perpetrator, saying he and three other rabbis have spent more than 300 hours on the case, forming a Beit Din to protect the victims by "confronting the perpetrator, making sure he was in counseling and issuing stringent guidelines to prevent any interactions with young boys." He says the community' should be proud of the "incredible amount of work that has been done to help the victims and their parents and ensure there are no future victims".
Rabbi Cohen adds that the community's rabbis should not be criticized in this instance and says that "if rabbis are not seen as strong in the eyes of the community, they don't have the ability to do anything and that doesn't benefit anyone."
Hartman and Bruck agree that Rabbi Cohen has been the most responsive rabbi in the community about this matter but not that not one rabbi, not even Cohen, has spoken from the pulpit about the issue. And that while he, and Rabbis Levin, Schwartz and Fuerst are trying to deal with the issue, the vast majority of Orthodox rabbis continue to do nothing.
"Our goal is to get the rabbis to work with us on this, not to read this article and get all upset," said Hartman. "Yes, a few rabbis have tried to do good and that's a big step and we are grateful, but we need more, we need a majority to get involved to protect our children.
"Some rabbis say they don't like the line that their attitude about this has been 'don't ask don't tell.' Well I'm sorry but that has been the majority of the rabbinical response."
And because that has been so, the rabbis have failed to let the community know about the issue.
"Why wasn't the community alerted about this school rebbe from the pulpit so that parents could take the necessary precautions," asks Hartman. "Why haven't rabbis gotten up in shul and said something?"
Indeed, Bruck confronted one rabbi and said, "you're the rabbi of a shul. Have you gotten up there and said anything to anyone? He said what do you want me to say? I used to go to his shul and he would talk about Anita Hill and Clarence Thomas, talk about O.J. Simpson. I said to him you can talk about it with your children. So he said to me, "I'm up for suggestions. Please."
While Hartman is please the four rabbis have joined her efforts, she notes that they still have not sat down together as a group and talked about a plan of action. "And I understand that, they are very busy and have a lot of immediate things to deal with. But you can't wait until something else happens. We need the rabbis to be pro-active, to react now and plan now. We can't wait for later, we must prevent there from being a later."
She notes that one rabbi has said that because it happened in her family, she is over reacting to the situation. "No, I've under-reacted, I waited too long to do something, I should have done more seven years ago. The rabbis are talking now about the dangers of the Internet. Well they also need to talk and educate about this danger."
While Hartman is hopeful they will, some still have their doubts. A therapist involved in the issue says that she put together a bunch of materials about child sexual abuse for the community's leading halachic authority to read and brought it to his house. "He said that he didn't want the material and that the guy's not going to do it again because he's a frum man."
Brucks notes the same king of silence has happened not only in the school where the incidents occurred but in all the Orthodox days schools. "They don't have a clue. Every school and ever principal was called and asked if someone could come in and talk to the parents, to the teachers, to the students and every single one said no, said they felt no one was talking about it and to do so would be to open up a Pandora's box.
"Even more amazing, they haven't even talked to the class whose members were molested."
Why? First and foremost, they don't want it getting out into the public world. The last thing they want is that people should know it happens in the frum community. Then there's the fact that people don't want to believe it happens. There are still lots of people who don't believe what the first perpetrator did is true or they say it's lashon hara (gossip) to talk about it. It's not an issue anyone wants to get involved with, it's easier to say it's a rumor, nobody can prove it. And so they just deny it".
The problem with the rabbis not publicly acknowledging what has occurred, says Hartman, is that it aids the feeling of "most people who don't believe the perpetrator is guilty. After all, up until this point he has been a respected person, so unless you have the facts, but the facts are supposed to be kept confidential to protect the victims and since no one wants to come out and say, 'yes I was sexually abused and this is exactly what happened to me,' you don't have the facts and so it is dismissed as hearsay. Those in the community who know the perpetrator, say they've never been molested so it's probably not true. That's the point. These perpetrators lead a double life so why believe this blind information when I know this guy, he's a nice frum man in our community."
And so the perpetrator gets away with his crime and the victims pay even more.
Indeed, the Department of Children and Family Services began its investigation because one o the boys molested at the school called their hotline to file charges against the rabbi and, says Hartman, "this kid is being persecuted. Kids in that class love their rebbe and so this victim is being penalized for pressing charges, his life is being made a living hell."
Beyond that, the rabbi is being protected to see that he stays out of jail and his story kept out of the newspapers.
Why are the rabbis working so hard to make sure he doesn't stand trail, let alone go to jail? "Because it didn't happen to their kids," said Bruck, "it's as simple as that." The perpetrator's attorney, Hal Garfinkel, refused to comment on any aspect of the case when called by the Chicago Jewish News.
Hartman says the community's fear of the story being public is putting the concern very much on the wrong thing. "I brought one of the victims, now grown up, to the office of one of the rabbis and he said he felt such rage he wanted to murder the perpetrator. The parents of another victim told the rabbi they wanted to kill the man.
"When a victim voices these raw emotions, the rabbis should be shaking in their boots. But they did nothing, all they were focused on was keeping it out of the papers and the perpetrators out of jail. I finally said, 'are you guys waiting for someone to actually shoot the perpetrator how are you going to hide that from the newspapers?"
To not acknowledge what has gone on, says Bruck, "you destroy victims' lives over and over. Think about those who have poured their hearts out -- and yet who see nothing being done about it, who walk through the community and there the perpetrator is, go to the pizza shop and there he is, so they are victimized over and over again and the rabbinic reaction is nothing. The victims continue to be pained that it is not being publicly acknowledged that what the perpetrator did was wrong. Meanwhile, the perpetrator, whose life isn't easy, but still he's managing to go to shul, his life goes on, people want to help his family."
Not that there shouldn't be compassion for his family, says Hartman, who calls them victims, too. "I know his wife, she's a very find young woman. Her life is over, her life is hell and will be forever, whether she stays with him or not. He destroyed lots of lives and you have to have sympathy for that. They have eight children. No one knows what goes on behind her closed doors, but I can guarantee, it ain't a pretty site and my heart goes out to her. She and her children are big victims in this."
But, says Harman, first and foremost are the victims this rabbi sexually abused. She calls them "the faceless victims."
"In the case of his family, the community knows who the victims are and so they want to do for them. But everyone seems to be forgetting the faceless victims, these innocent children who nobody knows, who are being left out to hang, to live with this pain the rest of their lives."
Which is why Hartman and Bruck believe it is so important people talk about this, know about it, that people let their rabbis know they expect them to act.
"I think it's pretty pathetic that the rabbis can't work together to protect our innocent children," says Hartman. She notes that the hot issue at the moment in Orthodox circles is something being labeled 'Children at Risk', referring to the increasing number of Orthodox youth who are leaving the community, often getting into drugs and other destructive behaviors.
"You have all the rabbis speaking from the pulpit about 'children at risk'. I think if someone did a little research to see how many of those children were sexually molested, it might be a pretty eye-opening experience. Children do not come from ice home and become so deep rooted in anger and frustration and so self-destructive unless something pretty horrible has happened to them.
"Everybody talks about the children, the children, being there for thechildren, well then when a child or their parent comes to you and say someone has really hurt my child, then do something about it. It's very nice to preach about 'children at risk' but helping children who are victims of sexual abuse is at the core and nobody is responding to it."
And there is no excuse for that, says Bruck. "This happens everywhere, in the every community. It doesn't happen more in the Orthodox community, actually it probably happens less, but it does happen."
Which is why Hartman and Bruck are doing what they're doing, saying what they're saying, because the truth is they wish they didn't have to.
"There is no question some will be unhappy this is being talked about publicly," says Bruck, "but it's either say nothing or say and do something to make things better. People don't want us to talk about it., but that's the only way something gets done."
This is something that goes to the heart of what all of us are supposed to be all about," adds Hartman. "Never in a million years did we think we'd be sitting here talking about this. I am part of this community. Every person in my family has dedicated themselves to being a responsible member of the community and to making it a better community. It is not our desire to tear it apart in any way, shape or form. Our goal is to unite it and make it better.
"Maybe 25 years ago, this kind of thing wasn't discussed. But we discuss it now. This is not going to disappear, not going to go away by itself. So you have to be ready to deal with it."
And you start to do that, she says, by "putting a face on it. We have to give it legitimacy, make it a reality, get our leaders and the community to take it seriously. We need the rabbis to sit down and get educated about it, understand the irreparable damage these perpetrators do to their victims.
"People want to believe they can trust their spiritual leaders to deal with this problem, but if nothing is done, this is a bomb waiting to explode in everyone's face."
_________________________________________________________________________________
Indeed, it was just in the last couple of months that it was discovered a teacher at one of Chicago's Orthodox day schools, a rabbi, had been sexually molesting students, mostly boys.
According to Marjorie Newman, a spokesman for the Department of Children and Family Services, their investigation found that at least nine students at the school, 8 boys and one girl, ages 10 to 14, were abused.
And there may be more. "We know it wasn't just this year," said Bruck. "He has taught there for many years. He also gave bar mitzvah lessons. One incident is bad enough", said Bruck, "but this is unbelievable.
When they learned of this second, current incidence of a respected community member sexually molesting children, Hartman and Bruck were determined things would be handled differently than they were seven years ago.
"When we came to them so many years ago, it would have been nice if they had gotten together and put into effect some sort of program, some sort of mechanism but they were not willing to do it, " said Hartman. "If they had, maybe what has happened wouldn't have, maybe one of these young men would have spoken up and said 'my rebbe is doing something that is wrong' and it would have been stopped earlier. They would have had a place to go, know there would be someone who would do something."
But because nothing was done then, Hartman and Bruck were adamant something be done now.
Incredibly, however, at first, they got basically the same king of response this time as they had last time from virtually all the rabbis in the Orthodox community.
"We went to several rabbis and nobody would step up and do anything," said Hartman.
"We approached every rav," adds Bruck. "They weren't surprised about it, they all knew about it and they all said no thanks, we don't want any involvement. They were not interested in dealing with it."
Which convinced the two sisters they had to go and talk to the community's leading halachic authority.
But wanting to make sure all aspects of the issue would be covered by those better versed in the area than they are, Hartman and Bruck asked a prominent rabbi, and Orthodox attorney and an Orthodox psychotherapist to go with them.
"They each said they'd let us know. But we never heard back from any of them. So we went ourselves."
"I told him I was not happy he didn't not get involved seven years ago and that he had to be involved this time," says Hartman. "I did not speak meekly but was adamant to get my point across. We explained to him, from a to z, how others had been victimized because things had not been put into place. He said he didn't know how to deal with it and we explained that wasn't an answer." And so Bruck and Harman spent hours explaining that pedophilia is a disease, explaining why it was so important the community be alerted that this goes on and had been going on, explaining the pain it causes its victims. They begged this rabbi to learn more, to do more. He said he would.
And, indeed, Hartman and Bruck are please that four rabbis, Rabbi Zev Cohen of Congregation Adas Yehurun, Rabbi Gedaliah Schwarts of the Chicago Rabbinical Council, Rabbi Shmuel Fuerst of Agudath Israel of Illinois and Rabbi Avrohom Levin of Telshe Yeshiva have agreed to serve as the rabbinical advisory board of Project Shield, a new effort to more systematically deal with the issue of sexual abuse (see separate story).
Rabbi Cohen defends how the community's rabbis have dealt with the current perpetrator, saying he and three other rabbis have spent more than 300 hours on the case, forming a Beit Din to protect the victims by "confronting the perpetrator, making sure he was in counseling and issuing stringent guidelines to prevent any interactions with young boys." He says the community' should be proud of the "incredible amount of work that has been done to help the victims and their parents and ensure there are no future victims".
Rabbi Cohen adds that the community's rabbis should not be criticized in this instance and says that "if rabbis are not seen as strong in the eyes of the community, they don't have the ability to do anything and that doesn't benefit anyone."
Hartman and Bruck agree that Rabbi Cohen has been the most responsive rabbi in the community about this matter but not that not one rabbi, not even Cohen, has spoken from the pulpit about the issue. And that while he, and Rabbis Levin, Schwartz and Fuerst are trying to deal with the issue, the vast majority of Orthodox rabbis continue to do nothing.
"Our goal is to get the rabbis to work with us on this, not to read this article and get all upset," said Hartman. "Yes, a few rabbis have tried to do good and that's a big step and we are grateful, but we need more, we need a majority to get involved to protect our children.
"Some rabbis say they don't like the line that their attitude about this has been 'don't ask don't tell.' Well I'm sorry but that has been the majority of the rabbinical response."
And because that has been so, the rabbis have failed to let the community know about the issue.
"Why wasn't the community alerted about this school rebbe from the pulpit so that parents could take the necessary precautions," asks Hartman. "Why haven't rabbis gotten up in shul and said something?"
Indeed, Bruck confronted one rabbi and said, "you're the rabbi of a shul. Have you gotten up there and said anything to anyone? He said what do you want me to say? I used to go to his shul and he would talk about Anita Hill and Clarence Thomas, talk about O.J. Simpson. I said to him you can talk about it with your children. So he said to me, "I'm up for suggestions. Please."
While Hartman is please the four rabbis have joined her efforts, she notes that they still have not sat down together as a group and talked about a plan of action. "And I understand that, they are very busy and have a lot of immediate things to deal with. But you can't wait until something else happens. We need the rabbis to be pro-active, to react now and plan now. We can't wait for later, we must prevent there from being a later."
She notes that one rabbi has said that because it happened in her family, she is over reacting to the situation. "No, I've under-reacted, I waited too long to do something, I should have done more seven years ago. The rabbis are talking now about the dangers of the Internet. Well they also need to talk and educate about this danger."
While Hartman is hopeful they will, some still have their doubts. A therapist involved in the issue says that she put together a bunch of materials about child sexual abuse for the community's leading halachic authority to read and brought it to his house. "He said that he didn't want the material and that the guy's not going to do it again because he's a frum man."
Brucks notes the same king of silence has happened not only in the school where the incidents occurred but in all the Orthodox days schools. "They don't have a clue. Every school and ever principal was called and asked if someone could come in and talk to the parents, to the teachers, to the students and every single one said no, said they felt no one was talking about it and to do so would be to open up a Pandora's box.
"Even more amazing, they haven't even talked to the class whose members were molested."
Why? First and foremost, they don't want it getting out into the public world. The last thing they want is that people should know it happens in the frum community. Then there's the fact that people don't want to believe it happens. There are still lots of people who don't believe what the first perpetrator did is true or they say it's lashon hara (gossip) to talk about it. It's not an issue anyone wants to get involved with, it's easier to say it's a rumor, nobody can prove it. And so they just deny it".
The problem with the rabbis not publicly acknowledging what has occurred, says Hartman, is that it aids the feeling of "most people who don't believe the perpetrator is guilty. After all, up until this point he has been a respected person, so unless you have the facts, but the facts are supposed to be kept confidential to protect the victims and since no one wants to come out and say, 'yes I was sexually abused and this is exactly what happened to me,' you don't have the facts and so it is dismissed as hearsay. Those in the community who know the perpetrator, say they've never been molested so it's probably not true. That's the point. These perpetrators lead a double life so why believe this blind information when I know this guy, he's a nice frum man in our community."
And so the perpetrator gets away with his crime and the victims pay even more.
Indeed, the Department of Children and Family Services began its investigation because one o the boys molested at the school called their hotline to file charges against the rabbi and, says Hartman, "this kid is being persecuted. Kids in that class love their rebbe and so this victim is being penalized for pressing charges, his life is being made a living hell."
Beyond that, the rabbi is being protected to see that he stays out of jail and his story kept out of the newspapers.
Why are the rabbis working so hard to make sure he doesn't stand trail, let alone go to jail? "Because it didn't happen to their kids," said Bruck, "it's as simple as that." The perpetrator's attorney, Hal Garfinkel, refused to comment on any aspect of the case when called by the Chicago Jewish News.
Hartman says the community's fear of the story being public is putting the concern very much on the wrong thing. "I brought one of the victims, now grown up, to the office of one of the rabbis and he said he felt such rage he wanted to murder the perpetrator. The parents of another victim told the rabbi they wanted to kill the man.
"When a victim voices these raw emotions, the rabbis should be shaking in their boots. But they did nothing, all they were focused on was keeping it out of the papers and the perpetrators out of jail. I finally said, 'are you guys waiting for someone to actually shoot the perpetrator how are you going to hide that from the newspapers?"
To not acknowledge what has gone on, says Bruck, "you destroy victims' lives over and over. Think about those who have poured their hearts out -- and yet who see nothing being done about it, who walk through the community and there the perpetrator is, go to the pizza shop and there he is, so they are victimized over and over again and the rabbinic reaction is nothing. The victims continue to be pained that it is not being publicly acknowledged that what the perpetrator did was wrong. Meanwhile, the perpetrator, whose life isn't easy, but still he's managing to go to shul, his life goes on, people want to help his family."
Not that there shouldn't be compassion for his family, says Hartman, who calls them victims, too. "I know his wife, she's a very find young woman. Her life is over, her life is hell and will be forever, whether she stays with him or not. He destroyed lots of lives and you have to have sympathy for that. They have eight children. No one knows what goes on behind her closed doors, but I can guarantee, it ain't a pretty site and my heart goes out to her. She and her children are big victims in this."
But, says Harman, first and foremost are the victims this rabbi sexually abused. She calls them "the faceless victims."
"In the case of his family, the community knows who the victims are and so they want to do for them. But everyone seems to be forgetting the faceless victims, these innocent children who nobody knows, who are being left out to hang, to live with this pain the rest of their lives."
Which is why Hartman and Bruck believe it is so important people talk about this, know about it, that people let their rabbis know they expect them to act.
"I think it's pretty pathetic that the rabbis can't work together to protect our innocent children," says Hartman. She notes that the hot issue at the moment in Orthodox circles is something being labeled 'Children at Risk', referring to the increasing number of Orthodox youth who are leaving the community, often getting into drugs and other destructive behaviors.
"You have all the rabbis speaking from the pulpit about 'children at risk'. I think if someone did a little research to see how many of those children were sexually molested, it might be a pretty eye-opening experience. Children do not come from ice home and become so deep rooted in anger and frustration and so self-destructive unless something pretty horrible has happened to them.
"Everybody talks about the children, the children, being there for thechildren, well then when a child or their parent comes to you and say someone has really hurt my child, then do something about it. It's very nice to preach about 'children at risk' but helping children who are victims of sexual abuse is at the core and nobody is responding to it."
And there is no excuse for that, says Bruck. "This happens everywhere, in the every community. It doesn't happen more in the Orthodox community, actually it probably happens less, but it does happen."
Which is why Hartman and Bruck are doing what they're doing, saying what they're saying, because the truth is they wish they didn't have to.
"There is no question some will be unhappy this is being talked about publicly," says Bruck, "but it's either say nothing or say and do something to make things better. People don't want us to talk about it., but that's the only way something gets done."
This is something that goes to the heart of what all of us are supposed to be all about," adds Hartman. "Never in a million years did we think we'd be sitting here talking about this. I am part of this community. Every person in my family has dedicated themselves to being a responsible member of the community and to making it a better community. It is not our desire to tear it apart in any way, shape or form. Our goal is to unite it and make it better.
"Maybe 25 years ago, this kind of thing wasn't discussed. But we discuss it now. This is not going to disappear, not going to go away by itself. So you have to be ready to deal with it."
And you start to do that, she says, by "putting a face on it. We have to give it legitimacy, make it a reality, get our leaders and the community to take it seriously. We need the rabbis to sit down and get educated about it, understand the irreparable damage these perpetrators do to their victims.
"People want to believe they can trust their spiritual leaders to deal with this problem, but if nothing is done, this is a bomb waiting to explode in everyone's face."
_________________________________________________________________________________
From: Anonymous Date: Fri, 11 Feb 2000 09:46:48
-0600
http://shamash.org/.../mail-jewish/volume31/v31n55
Subject: Molesters in frum
community.
In response to Chaim Shapiro's question about the
authenticity of the report in the Chicago Jewish News about the frum child
molesters, I can attest that the story is true, at least regarding the butcher.
I have been informed by the butcher in the city I currently
live that the Chicago butcher is now out of business. The butcher, however,
did not find his "victims" through his business, but through an apartment
in his house that he and his wife rented to couples like me and my husband,
who had relocated to Chicago and needed a temporary place to live until we
could close on our house. We were taken in by this warm, grandfatherly man
who seemed to have plenty of time to play with our children. When we realized
what was happening, we spoke to our children and moved out as soon as possible.
But we also learned that he was a well-known problem in the community but
no one wanted to deal with it.
Later, when we learned another couple with young children
had rented the apartment, my husband did speak to a rabbi associated with
the Telshe Yeshiva. We know that this rabbi spoke to the butcher and threatened
to disclose his activities if he approached the children. But, looking back,
there should have been rabbinic pressure on him to stop renting the apartment.
I don't believe that these kind of sick people are
capable of controlling themselves -- other people have to take action to
keep them from harming our children. Even now, my current butcher was appalled
that the story had been published. I would assume that his response is typical:
it should be kept secret because the butcher's family is so "nice" and his
children would not be able to make shidduchim. Is this a reason to put other
people's children at risk of permanent psychological damage? And I believe
that the family must have known what was going on and did nothing to stop
him. Especially when I recall some conversations with his wife, which convinced
me that he had also molested his own grandchildren. I think it took courage
for the Jewish News to publish the story, and I hope that action is taken
to protect our children rather than protect the family of the molester.
_________________________________________________________________________________
Abuse Argument: Chicago's Orthodox rabbis are defending
their response to allegations of child molestation in the Orthodox
community
By Scott Rosenberg
Chicago Sentinel: News From the Windy City
V.CII; N.31,275 p. 14
An article in The Chicago Jewish News, "A Community's
Shameful Silence," quoted several women who charged that Orthodox leaders
had not adequately addressed the issue of sexual abuse, even after they were
alerted of it as a problem in the community. The article refers to a "don't
ask, don't tell" policy among the rabbis, who were recently confronted with
allegations of sexual abuse in a yeshiva.
"I have no reason to believe that [rabbis] haven't
reacted appropriately," said the executive director of the Chicago Rabbinical
Council, Rabbi Menachem Rosenfeld. Rabbi Rosenfeld said there is no "don't
ask, don't tell" policy at the CRC.
"I think getting the word out is a positive aspect
of the article. I think being judgmental implicitly of what people have done
or not done is negative," Rabbi Rosenfeld said. "There were many hours of
deliberations in private [about how to respond]. I don't know how somebody
could really form an opinion without having been there."
"The fact is that no rabbi has spoken from the pulpit
about this issue," said the editor and publisher of The Chicago Jewish News,
Joseph Aaron. Mr. Aaron wrote the article about the abuse allegations. "The
rabbis have done nothing to publicly criticize what has gone on. They've
done nothing to reassure the community that something's being done to handle
this situation."
"When Dunkin' Donuts came under question with regards
to kosher certification, all the rabbis stood up in public. Here you have
little girls and boys being abused, and the rabbis do nothing about it,"
Mr. Aaron said.
"I know some of the rabbis involved, and I feel that
they have really tried to deal with the situation as best they could," said
the rabbi of Agudas Achim North Shore Congregation, Philip Lefkowitz. "When
we talk about people's psychosexual behavior, it's very complex."
"It's not a revelation that [abuse] has taken place
in the Orthodox community," Rabbi Lefkowitz said. "Our religious beliefs
inform, guide and teach us. It is our job to live up to them. That is the
difficult part."
Bias Conference: Anti-bias educators from around the
country are looking to overcome what they perceive to be a lack of information
about the methods and effects of such education. While anti-bias programs
exist in many American schools and colleges, no standardized technique exists
for the teaching of tolerance or measuring its success, according to the
Chicago chapter of the American Jewish Committee, which sponsored a conference
on the topic last weekend. "No one is sure what is being accomplished, what
techniques are effective at what age and stage of development," said an American
Jewish Committee board member, Dr. Steven Patt. "There's been not enough
investigation of the outcome."
Dr. Patt, a psychiatrist, and board member Sharon Greenberg
organized the meeting, which brought together academics, psychologists and
anti-bias program directors. Representatives from such programs as "A World
of Difference," "Facing History and Ourselves" and the Council for Early
Childhood attended.
"I hope to use the prestige of all these participants
to make a dent in the minds of educators across the country or have an impact
about how assiduously they should be applying these ideas," Dr. Patt said.
"Whatever is being done we think is not being applied in a sufficiently energetic
and committed manner."
"The scope of this conference is much broader than
any one `-ism,'" said the national director of training and resources for
the Anti-Defamation League, Ellen Hofheimer Bettmann. "It will affect the
Jewish community in the way that all other positive academic programs which
address equity issues do. Anytime you start talking about anti-bias education,
anyone on the receiving end of discriminatory behavior benefits
positively."
"You can't pretend that any particular intervention
is going to solve the problem of prejudice in our society," Dr. Patt said.
"But you can be expectant that sometimes the interventions will make a
significant difference and maybe even diminish some of these outrageous events
that have occurred."
_________________________________________________________________________________
Darkness before dawn
By Golda Shira Aaron and Joseph Aaron
Chicago Jewish News - May 31, 2003
Do you have something to say about Joseph Aaron's column
this week? Sound off in the Forum.
Although we were deeply pained by yet more revelations
of possible sexual abuse, this time against the newly- elected chief rabbi
of Israel, as well as against an esteemed member of a respected rabbinic
family, we nevertheless genuinely applaud and support the efforts of our
journalistic colleagues in this holy endeavor of cleaning out a terrible
wound that exists throughout the Jewish world. We must strive to restore
dignity and respect to all relationships among members of the Jewish
community.
When the Chicago Jewish News published our series,
"Shameful Silence" in January 2000, we requested that other Jewish newspapers
join us in judiciously exploring this grave concern. And, thankfully, the
ripple effects from Jewish Chicago have reverberated all over the world.
Other cities took notice, responsible investigations began and an underground
network of victims circulated our articles and felt empowered to begin to
speak out.
When, five months after our story, a New York Jewish
paper published the facts about the sexual abuse crimes of a rabbi who was
a youth group leader, we felt a real sense of hope that other communities
would address similar situations, so that there could be a healing throughout
the Jewish people.
Despite enduring the threats, accusations, pulled
advertising, personal and professional insults, interrogations, broken
friendships and even rejections of applications for synagogue membership
that we suffered for publishing "Shameful Silence," we continued our efforts
and rejoiced when they came to fruition in the formation of Project Shield-an
organization that would be a model for an international network of "safe
places" where Jews could report abuse without having to fear social or political
reprisal.
We were heartened when, in the summer following our
articles, all teachers at Jewish day schools in Chicago were required to
go through training so they would be able to recognize and report any suspected
abuse of their students.
And we have been extremely grateful for the many calls
and letters we received thanking us for giving voice to those rendered voiceless
by scarring abuse, as well as by the threats and accompanying powerlessness
and disenfranchisement experienced if they dared to seek help. We have been
deeply moved by the requests for forgiveness we have received at Rosh Hashanah
each year by so many of the very people who had cursed our initial foray
into this area.
We encourage all caring members of the community-rabbis,
leaders, grassroots groups of parents and concerned individuals, as well
as survivors of abuse, to do true housecleaning from within. No more sweeping
under the rug, no more intimidation and strong- arming those who come forward.
No more of keeping up appearances, of the fake shalom, the false peace, that
Rashi so clearly warns against in the Torah portion of Pinchas. Rashi says
that the kind of shalom that G-d wants is the real shalom of issues brought
up and worked through together.
It would behoove all involved to keep the focus where
it belongs-on menschlichkeit, on how every Jew is to relate to every other
Jew, both personally and as part of the community. It is imperative that
we no longer mindlessly follow others who caution suppression and silence,
wielding inappropriate and manipulative chastisements regarding Lashon Harah,
harmful language, and emunas chachamim, unquestioning faith in our rabbis,
as swords to cut down attempts to legitimately and halachically speak out
and right wrongs.
In his book "Outlooks & Insights," Rabbi Zev Leff
writes, that "the purpose of the entire Torah, Rambam says, is to bring peace
and harmony to the world, and in order to achieve this, one must conduct
himself so that those things which are hateful and repulsive to him are not
done to his friend."
Rabbi Leff further notes that the Torah teaches "'Do
not stand by with respect to your friend's blood'-be willing to exert efforts
to save the life of a fellow Jew, for every Jew is an entire world ... Do
not say I'll mind my own business; live and let live. Your fellow Jew is
your business."
And, he explains that there are two reasons that the
Torah commands Jews to show compassion to other Jews. "The first arises out
of a desire to bring peace and harmony to the world; the second because each
human being intrinsically deserves the respect and honor befitting one created
in the Divine image."
We are confident that the powers-that- be realize that
as horrible as the abuse itself is, the far greater story and the far more
dangerous scourge is the very willful cover-ups, threats, intimidations and
chasing victims out of town that has allowed each of these situations to
knowingly go on for years. It is a shameful silence, done at best to protect
the image of supposedly pristine communities; it is, at worst, yet another
old boys' network interested only in wielding power.
Sexual abuse is about the abuse of power. So we are
certain that our leaders recognize that the only way to avoid the public
humiliation that the Catholic Church is experiencing is to aggressively and
therapeutically treat this issue and bring justice to the wrongdoers. This
must be done not only for the protection of innocent children, but for the
protection, integrity, health and well-being of the community for generations
to come.
It is particularly timely that the current allegations
should come to the surface now, during the period when we count the Omer,
the days between Passover and Shavuot, between our exodus from Egypt and
our receiving of the Torah at Mt. Sinai.
The 49 days of the Omer are a time of mourning for
Rabbi Akiva's students, who, despite their superlative knowledge of Torah
and adherence to halachah, did not treat each other as G-d wants.
Our intent, our every effort to be a healing catalyst
in the community, derive from a speech given by Rabbi Nachman Bulman, of
blessed memory. Speaking at the dedication of a library in Jerusalem in the
mid-1990s, Rabbi Bulman warned that the next several years would be a time
of great pain and tribulation for the Jewish people.
He explained that the coming challenges would be from
within - within the individual, the family and the community. He told the
audience that it would be a time of dealing with problems which until now
had been hidden. And he said that the darkness and despair which they would
evoke could be overwhelming.
He said that like an abscess under the skin, the infection,
the wound must be brought to the surface, cleaned out and allowed to heal
properly.
Rabbi Bulman also likened the process to preparing
for Passover. He said that just as in cleaning for Passover, one begins with
the big items - the oven, refrigerator, bookcases; so, too, until now our
primary focus as a people has been fighting for our survival against outside
forces.
Now, he said, it is like the night before Passover
- when we get out the toothpick and toothbrush to uncover the embedded dirt
that's under the edge of the sink and the counter. It's disgusting and you
don't really want to know that it's there and when you do get it out, the
stench is awful and the dirt gets under your nails ...
As these things come to light, the sense of despair
can be enormous. But Rabbi Bulman comforted those gathered by reminding them
that it is exactly at the moment of greatest darkness that we can rejoice,
knowing that it is a clear sign that the dawn is about to come.
We must endeavor to work together to restore dignity
and respect to all relationships among members of the Jewish community. We
pray that all of us will do our part to be a holy nation, a light unto the
other nations, and indeed truly bring about the coming of Moshiach, speedily
and in our days.
_________________________________________________________________________________
FAIR USE NOTICE
Some of the information on The Awareness Center's
web pages may contain copyrighted material the use of which has not always
been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material
available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political,
human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues,
etc.
We believe this constitutes a 'fair use' of any
such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright
Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this
site is distributed without profit to those who have expressed a prior interest
in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes.
For more information go to:
http://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/17/107.shtml.
If you wish to use copyrighted material from this update for purposes of
your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright
owner.
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed
citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever
has." --Margaret Mead
_________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
No comments:
Post a Comment