Incest and Gods Justice / Forgiveness

Incest and Gods Justice / Forgiveness
Ask the Rabbi
© (1998) By Rabbi Daniel Kohn

Q: My father is a religious man. He attends synagogue every Fri. night and Saturday. Lights candles, reads torah, but is also a man who is a pedophile.  He sexually abused me nightly for eight years. I've had to work through my anger and pain on my dollar, and without any assistance from him. He denies his actions and will not speak of it. Every Rosh Hashana he calls and begs me to go to synagogue with him. I will not. My question is.. If there is a god, will he/she/? forgive him?? And how do I forgive god for bringing me into this horrifying experience of childhood. Am I supposed to believe that everything has its reason?

A: You are certainly entitled to never forgive this man who caused you such pain. As for whether God will forgive your father, I just don't know. Our tradition holds that somewhere, somehow, there is and will be divine, exact justice for all sins and crimes in this world. But how this judgment will be exacted is beyond me--or any other human being. All I can tell you is that I believe that the spiritual fate after death of any victim of a crime cannot be the same as the perpetrator of that crime. I desperately want to believe that the evil suffer for their crimes, whether in this world or somehow after this life. While I may not see this justice exacted, I certainly want to believe that God will ultimately seek recompense for all sins and crimes committed by humanity. While our tradition holds that God is merciful, justice is a far greater priority--this is how the Jewish tradition understands God.

Understanding and Helping The Suicidal Person

Understanding and Helping The Suicidal Person

American Association of Suicidology - October 23, 2002

Be Aware of the Warning Signs

There is no typical suicide victim. It happens to young and old, rich and poor. Fortunately there are some common warning signs which, when acted upon, can save lives. Here are some signs to look for:

A suicidal person might be suicidal if he or she:

1. * Talks about committing suicide
2. * Has trouble eating or sleeping
3. * Experiences drastic changes in behavior
4. * Withdraws from friends and/or social activities
5. * Loses interest in hobbies, work, school, etc.
6. * Prepares for death by making out a will and final arrangements
7. * Gives away prized possessions
8. * Has attempted suicide before
9. * Takes unnecessary risks
10. * Has had recent severe losses
11. * Is preoccupied with death and dying
12. * Loses interest in their personal appearance
13. * Increases their use of alcohol or drugs

What To Do

Here are some ways to be helpful to someone who is threatening suicide:

1. * Be direct. Talk openly and matter-of-factly about suicide.
2. * Be willing to listen. Allow expressions of feelings. Accept the feelings.
3. * Be non-judgmental. Don't debate whether suicide is right or wrong, or feelings are good or bad. Don't lecture on the value of life.
4. * Get involved. Become available. Show interest and support.
5. * Don't dare him or her to do it.
6. * Don't act shocked. This will put distance between you.
7. * Don't be sworn to secrecy. Seek support.
8. * Offer hope that alternatives are available but do not offer glib reassurance.
9. * Take action. Remove means, such as guns or stockpiled pills.
10. * Get help from persons or agencies specializing in crisis intervention and suicide prevention.

Be Aware of Feelings

Many people at some time in their lives think about committing suicide. Most decide to live, because they eventually come to realize that the crisis is temporary and death is permanent. On other hand, people having a crisis sometimes perceive their dilemma as inescapable and feel an utter loss of control. These are some of the feelings and things they experience:

1. * Can't stop the pain
2. * Can't think clearly
3. * Can't make decisions
4. * Can't see any way out
5. * Can't sleep, eat or work
6. * Can't get out of depression
7. * Can't make the sadness go away
8. * Can't see a future without pain
9. * Can't see themselves as worthwhile
10. * Can't get someone's attention
11. * Can't seem to get control

If you experience these feelings, get help!

If someone you know exhibits these symptoms, offer help!

Contact:

1. * A community mental health agency
2. * A private therapist or counselor
3. * A school counselor or psychologist
4. * A family physician
5. * A suicide prevention or crisis center

Case of State of Israel Vs. a Sex Offender - Father / Grandfather

Case of State of Israel Vs. a Sex Offender - Father / Grandfather

Haifa, Israel

A 68 year old Israeli religious man pled guilty to repeated rape and forced molestation of his granddaughter, now an adult, when she was 7-10 years old, and was sentenced to 19 years in jail. In a landmark judgement, the judges call his crime and any sexual assults on children "a soul murder in a body that keeps on living."

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Disclaimer: Inclusion in this website does not constitute a recommendation or endorsement. Individuals must decide for themselves if the resources meet their own personal needs.

Table of Contents:  

2001  

1. The District Court in Haifa  (12/06/2001)

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The District Court in Haifa
(Unofficial translation from Hebrew)

S. Jobran - Head Judge

Y. Grille - Judge

R. Shapiro – Judge

The State of Israel against: (name withheld for protection of the victim's—his granddaughter's—privacy)


Ruling:

1. The offenses the defendant was convicted of:

The defendant, born in 1933, was convicted through his own guilty plea of felonies referred to him in a revised accusation, of forced molestation, rape, and sexual assault. The victim of these felonies the defendant was convicted of was his granddaughter, born in 1980 ("the complainant"). The felonies were done in the complainant from the time she was 7 years old to the time she was 10. According to the Accusation, there were many incidents in which the defendant did the felonies he is accused of in his granddaughter, the complainant, felonies of which he pled guilty.

Let it be noted that the accusation refers to several different laws, due to changes in the penalty law regarding sexual offenses. The most severe charge referred to the defendant is a rape offense of inserting a finger into the complainant's genital, and this is a great number of times. It should be noted that the accusation does not relate to the popular term of rape (i.e. with a penis), but the actions admitted by the defendant are considered rape according to the law.

2. The victim:

Before we detail our considerations regarding the appropriate penalty in this case, we find it important to bring up some facts that are relevant to our decision, as related to the victim of the felonies as well as the defendant.

These facts, along with the total of facts presented to us, which we will not fully detail, faced us with a difficult deliberation regarding the severity of the penalty in this case. An unusual and a severe case in which a grandfather attacks his granddaughter and does in her sexual offenses of the kind the defendant plead guilty for.

Since the defendant pled guilty, it spared the complainant the need to testify. As noted, this is to the defendant's credit that he spared the granddaughter further suffering. At the same time, because of the guilty plea, the court did not hear the complainant's voice and we were not presented with the full factual picture, as it related to her hurt. Nevertheless, the prosecution presented to us evidence from which we learned to know the complainant, even if just a little bit. Under these circumstances, the court acquainted itself with the victim through the victim's report, the video confrontation, and other documents we received for review.

The complainant grew up in house next to her grandfather's house, the defendant. Life wasn't peaceful in her home. Her mother divorced twice. The conflicts in the mother's house included violence. Under these circumstances, the grandfather, who was a neighbor, was the dominant figure and a substitute father figure and a shelter in time of trouble. This is at least how the complainant felt until she realized that the grandfather, whom she loved and admired, made her into a service tool for his deviations.

The grandfather/defendant was a dominant and appreciated figure in the community where the family lived. We shall say more of his character later. It be noted that this is a lawyer who was one of the top lawyers in the North. In addition, the defendant is a learned man with many academic degrees in various topics, and was a teacher of the Bible, and a guide for many, in the legal community as well as outside of it. Under these circumstances, the grandchild's admiration of him was great. And as great the admiration and love, is the greatness of the loss, when she realized as a child that she was sexually exploited by the admired figure she loved most.

Later on, and as a result of many events, the mother left the town where she lived next to the grandfather, and moved with her children, including the complainant, to a near by Kibbuz. Where she created a warm home, and where the complainant matured.

The defendants' schemes and his hurt of the victim were already exposed in 1990. At the time, the committee that dealt with the case through the department of social services ("Ptor Committee"), decided to transfer the complaint to the police, and following the district attorney's office an investigation was launched. However, for various reasons it wasn't possible to take a deposition from the complainants, and as a result the investigation did not progress.

Although the defendant tried to repress the events she lived through in the presence of her grandfather/the defendant, she did not succeed. The emotional damage from the criminal actions of the defendants seeped through her and haunted her. On the night of 10/27/96, when she was about 16 years old, she decided to end her life. Before she attempted suicide, that luckily was not successful, she wrote in her diary a chapter of farewell from her family, and sort of a will. From her words, which make the reader shudder, it can be seen and understood how much damage the deeds of the defendant did to her:

"I stayed until the last night was swollen by the night. There is no symbolism in it. My colors faded and did not get swollen, but it doesn't matter. I am calm now, I have no anger at anyone and I hope that I brought the best and as much joy as possible to whoever I could. I am saying goodbye and asking that you not be angry. It is no one's fault. I have never seen myself being an adult, and now I know why. I will never be one. In spite of what I wrote earlier, I am not departing in sadness and pain, this is not a moment's decision, but something that has been in my for years and today reached it's end. I feel that I have finished my job and that there is not reason to linger in this borrowed time, happy I will never be. I am going happy now. I am filled with peace and I am feeling complete with myself. The only thing that I am sad for is that I will not be able to say goodbye to everyone, but I want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart...."

Later on, the complainant bids goodbye to her family members, and in the end, she addresses the defendant:

"And finally, I just wanted to tell my grandfather: I wanted you to know that I forgive you. I don't know, maybe this is just a generous moment before the end, and maybe it is my famous forgiving nature. But I forgive you. I hated you for a long time, I thought of sweet revenge, toyed with ideas about placing complaints and hate letters, but no more. You did something that cannot be forgiven, a terrible, horrible thing. I want you to feel the deep pain of my parting. I want you to feel the deep and painful disgust of your deeds. That you'd ask yourself every morning how could you do what you did, But you are my grandfather, and in spite of it all I love you. Although you do not deserve it, I lighten your punishment and forgive you. Know that I dies with no hostility toward you. Now I will finish the book I am reading and take all the pills I have and some others I will find in the room—Acamol and Aspirins of kind. I am not sure where, but it will be tonight."

In the end, the complainant writes things (as she saw them then):

"Farewell to you, I lived with you like a wild flower,

I took the pills and it was so easy and simple.

Now I am going to sleep, good night world."

From the multitude of problems that accompanied the complainant through her childhood, it can be assumed that not only the deeds of the grandfather and his hurting of her were damaging. Her mother's double divorce, her violent stepfather, and the many hardships of the family contributed their own damage. However, it is especially in such a situation that the defendant, who raised the granddaughter as a child and father figure, had to know that he is the man she trusts and therefore that his hurting her and his exploiting her intensify the damage he did to her.

From looking at the multitude of evidence presented to us and from watching the confrontation video, a little of the terrible fracture in the complainant's soul can be felt, and one can try to estimate the intensity of damage that the defendant did to her in his deeds. We are talking about a youngster whose world was in ruins so much that she was ready to end her life. For all these years she needed various psychological treatments, and it seems she'll need support in the future as well. We are talking, and this is without exaggerating, of a soul that was murdered in a body that goes on living.

3. The defendant's character:

The defendant in this case is a special character. We are talking about a father of seven girls from his first marriage, and a grandfather to grandchildren, one of whom is the complainant. A learned man, with a BA and MA in law, degrees in literature, mathematics and philosophy. A second degree in bible, and a Ph.D. in Theology. In the past he was a known lawyer. He was a teacher and educator. In his past he served—before the state was established—in the Lechi, and in the army, in many public roles, some undercover. And more and more. No wonder that the learned defense attorney described him as "Ish Eshkolot."

According to him, the defendant was a victim of prolonged sexual abuse as a child. He claims that he did not know the impacts of his childhood events until, of his own will, and after he ceased contact with the complainant, he went for lengthy psychological counseling during which various events from his childhood were uncovered, including felonies that happened to him. And that maybe created what he calls "his soul corruption", and resulted in his hurting the complainant whom he defined in the confrontational video "a victim of a corrupted man who loved her."

From the facts as they were presented to us, it is seen that during the time the defendant sexually hurt his minor granddaughter, he developed a relationship with a young woman who was several years before that his student in school where he had taught. Later on, he separated from his wife and the mother of his daughters, and married that woman who testified before us. From his second marriage he has two children: A girl about 12 years of age and a boy whose 4th birthday will be celebrated in a few days. During his second marriage he underwent the lengthy psychological treatment, the same one he says uncovered the hurts he claims to have absorbed in his childhood.

The defendant does not try to reduce the severity of his deeds. According to him, he has no explanation to the hurt he inflicted in her granddaughter. He defines himself as having a corrupted soul and refers his deeds to the hurts he had as a child and which corrupted his soul. He does not wish this to be seen as justification, but an explanation. Otherwise, he says, he cannot explain how he—a man of law and books—who knew the severe taboos in the bible and in the religion and the law, would do the things he did.

To the defendant's credit, it should be noted that even at the opening of the confrontation with the complainant and before the accusation was presented to court, the defendant told the complainant that he will not make her be interrogated in court. His specific declaration that he believes her and will not put her through a cross-examination, stands to his credit when we come to judge him.

At the same time, we would like to press that while watching the video, we could not avoid feeling that even at this stage the defendant is trying, in a manipulative, complex way, through use of ambiguous language, to have his granddaughter, the complainant, to change the way she relates to him. It seems that the defendant is trying, along with taking responsibility for the complainant's loss, to place on her and on society the responsibility for his fall. It seems that he puts himself in the shoes of Jan Batist Klemens, the hero of Alber Kami's book "The Fall", where he desperately calls:

"Oh, young woman, throw yourself into the water again, so that I can have a second chance to save us both."

In fact, the defendant is asking, himself and through his wife who testified before us, that when we come to state his sentence, we think not only of his granddaughter as a victim, but also of him as a victim and of his two children from his second marriage. These children, too, are victims, having their father picked at noon from his family, without any previous planning and no explanation (as far as it such sad circumstances can be explained to children).

4. The court's considerations regarding the severity of punishment:

Sentencing is always hard, and ten times harder this time. As we said, the evidence is complex and we need to judge between options that each come with a heavy price and have painful impacts on the souls connected to the defendant, and who all will be, against their will or fault, victims of his criminal deeds.

In her opening for her statements regarding sentencing the defense attorney attempts to say, without reducing from the severity of the felonies committed by the defendant, that the defendant's deed might be a step less than those of other rapists. As said above, this is not a case of rape in the popular definition of the term, but under the circumstances that are defined in the law as rape. Under these circumstances, it was stated to us, the deeds need to be looked at as less than other rapes and the sentencing needs to be decided upon appropriately.

We think that it in not up to the court to place itself into the gradients of evil and to try and distinguish between degrees of depravity. It is not accidental that the law-maker defined various actions that involve penetration of the genitals as rape, and decided upon punishment that is appropriate for such actions. It is the direction of the law—which leads us as we come to give judgment—that we do not engage with the way and amount of penetration into the body. The punishment decided upon in the law it due to the depth of harm to the soul. And in that case, as is seen in the evidence before us, the severity of the defendant's actions is the maximal known to the law, and that we, too, who judge in similar cases, know.

The law-maker determined that long prison times be given for felonies that like the ones the defendant was convicted of. The ceiling of punishment for such felonies need to be our starting point, which we need to keep in front of us when we come to place our judgment. The law-maker determined a deterrent punishment so that criminals—either actual or potential—would see and beware. When we come to place our judgment we need to bring into manifestation the meaning of the law and it's goal in a way that the law will not be an empty slogan. This is especially true when we have in front of us a defendant that made serial offenses and who can never make up the accumulated punishment for all his actions, even if he was born today. What we are talking about it an accumulated jail time that exceeds the life expectancy of a man. Under these circumstances, and in order to clarify society's repulse of his actions, and to deter, it is the court's duty to judge in the severity determined by law. See:

(a reference to precedent case)

Beyond that, it is the duty of this court to protect the victims of the felony. Just as the defendant has the right that his rehabilitation and the needs of his family be taken into account as part of the reasons for the sentencing, so do the victims—those actually harmed by the defendant's actions—have the right for the court's protection. The more severe the actions of a defendant, the greater the need to put the emphasis on protecting the victims. See:

(a reference to precedent case), page 8-9, where the following was said, and that guides us when we come to place the judgment:

"When it comes to the public's interest, it is not enough to impress into the law standards of behaviors. The public needs to see them manifested at all times and to see them as an inseparable part of accepted social standards that protect the body, property, and dignity of each one in it. A forgiving punishment in cases of severe criminal behavior might result in a collapse of moral defenses and might be interpreted as compromising values and norms. It can damage the trust in the reality of the threat of punishment being manifested, and give a negative message to potential criminals predisposed to do similar felonies. In the same way that giving a real punishment is a sharp social manifestation of the condemnation that severe actions deserve, adopting a forgiving strategy would weaken the acknowledgment of the wrongness of the behavior."

But punishment is not only a matter of arithmetic. We are not dealing with the multiplication of evil, as it was detailed in the segments of the accusation, in years in prison mandated by the law, and then getting at a mathematical sum. We have to examine the punishment with its relative weight while also paying attention to the circumstances in each case and with each defendant.

In order employ the direction of the punishment law to the matter of the appropriate punishment, one needs to examine it in light of the legal directions of a constitutional law: man's dignity and freedom. The constitutional law declares guidelines that lead us in the process of manifesting the directions of the punishment law and determining the appropriate amount of punishment. The relevant directions for our matter are in the following segments:

(4) Protection of life, body, and dignity—Every person is entitled for protection of his life, his body, and his dignity.

(5) Personal freedom—One does not take away or limit the freedom of a person through imprisonment, lock-up, extraditing, or any other way.

(8) Damaging rights—One does not harm the basic rights in the constitutional law unless with a law that is appropriate to the values of the state of Israel, and that is meant for a good cause and in an extent that does not exceed what is needed or is according to the law and the power clearly invested in that law.

The constitutional law declares that the yardstick for punishment must balance the two that sometimes clash. On the one side, the duty in segment 4 is to protect society from the criminal. On the other hand, there is a rule about not limiting a person's freedom. It is understood that punishments, and especially punishments that include prison time, damages the basic right in segment 5. Therefore, the law-maker ordered that taking away the right for freedom—which is the criminal's right as well—will be done to manifest the legal duty in segment 4 of the constitutional law, to protect victims from the bad harm of the criminal. And would be done with attention to the direction in segment 8. That is, "to an extent that does not exceed what is needed."

Employing the fundamentals of the constitutional law onto the judgment calls for attention in sentencing, among other things, to the personal danger of each criminal. The amount of punishments needs to guarantee that the criminal will not harm others and will not offend again. When we come to judging the sentencing, we are not acting as the victims' messengers of revenge at the defendant. We judge the sentencing in a way that will guarantee, as much as it is possible—that the defendant will not be able to harm again. There are times when the personal details of a defendant will call for less punishment to reach that goal, and there are times when the personal details of a defendant make it necessary to sentence a longer imprisonment period.

This is especially true for sexual offenses. It these offenses the matter of age is a significant detail when we come to determine how dangerous the defendant is and how much to keep him away from society. Accordingly, we will not avoid making a difference between punishing a young man, who might repeat his offenses, and punishing an elderly man, whose chances of continuing his criminal deeds after completing the allotted jail time, are slight.

We reason that the duty of the law calls for a deterring punishment that sends an equivocal message: Whoever murders the souls of his children and/or grandchildren and does sexual offenses in them, be his social status as high as it might, one will be their judgment—be taken away from society and lengthy prison time. But the duration of the jail time will be derived also from the life expectancy of each defendant, and even more so, from their dangerousness expectancy.

Accordingly, and if a young criminal will come in front of us, we reason that under the right circumstances, and especially in cases like the one before us now, one should not keep from giving a long jail time, even longer than what is given to those with life-sentences. (See a reference to a file from 11/26/01). However, when in front of us is an elderly man of about 70 years, we surmise that we can accomplish the goal of law and the purpose of the punishment also by sentencing for jail time that is mathematically milder, but that for this defendant means, actually, a life sentence.

In summary, and when we come to sentence this defendant, we believe that he should be given a long prison time. This sentence will clarify that the policy for punishment is clear and consistent—removing rapists, especially those who hurt their children and grandchildren, from society. At the same time, the amount of the sentencing, and for this matter, the length of jail time, will be examined carefully so that it does not exceed what is needed. When the defendant is elderly, this amount is less than what he would be sentenced for had he been younger, since we reason that by the time he completes his jail time this defendant will not be able to repeat his actions.

Additionally, and against the severity of his actions, we suppose that two important factors need to be brought into the equation in regards to lightening the defendant's sentence. The first factor is his immediate admittance of the felonies applied to him, which beyond the legal meaning of saving a lengthy process was deeply significant for his granddaughter, the complainant. The other factor is the fact that the events that are the subject of this law suit happened over ten years ago. In the time since then, the defendant voluntarily went to psychological treatment and this after he realized that his deviation calls for appropriate treatment. Granted, this does not reduce the severity of the things he did, but we believe that a sex offender who acknowledges his deviation and seeks appropriate treatment, without any connection to a criminal process and when he has no threat of investigation or trial, needs to be given credit for.

We cannot ignore the request of the defendant and his wife, and to bring into our considerations the defendant's small children. Our heart goes out to his young daughter, who is yearning for his coming home, and to his son, who asked that his dad come to his preschool for his birthday, which falls soon. We are aware of the disaster that came onto these children, whose father was arrested and kept away from the family unit, without any warning. Truly, reality had made these children, too, victims of their father's criminal behavior, because of the things he did in his granddaughter from his first marriage and before these children even came to the world. We know that in this serious case we cannot sentence the defendant to a punishment that will reduce their pain even in a little bit. Our hope is that when it is time they will understand (even if not agree) that against us stood the duty to protect the dignity, freedom, and safety of every child and grandchild against harm and torment by a parent or grandparent or stranger.


5. Compensating the complainant.

The prosecution asks to require the defendant to compensate the complainant. The defense claims that the defendant himself did not negate the idea but claimed that the defendant gave all his assets to his daughters from his first wife and is today without any property. And that he especially would not be able to compensate the complainant if he is given a long jail sentence.

We are aware of the practical hardship of a prisoner to compensate the victims of his crime. However, the policy of appropriate punishment must establish yardsticks that would deter any criminal. One of which is the knowledge that the person who harms will have to compensate the victim for the damage he did.

In the case in front of us, no monetary compensation will even compensate for the damages incurred. At the same time, we believe that it is appropriate to judge in this procedure monetary compensation to the complainant that will take into account requiring the defendant to participate in the immediate costs of repairing the damage done. The complainant had needed years of psychological treatments and will need them in the future. It would be only right if from already at this phase we require the defendant to participate in these costs.

In is clear that in ruling for penalty we are not presuming to rule a compensation that reflects the magnitude of the damages. The complainant holds the right to pursue this matter in a civil suit in the appropriate court.

6. Summary of sentencing-

In summary, and after we weighed the multitude of factors above, we decided to sentence the defendant in the following way:

We sentence the defendant to 19 years imprisonment, our of which 16 are for active jail time, and the rest, 3 years probation. The probation being that the defendant will not commit any sexual offense within three years of his release from jail, including during vacations, if he gets one.

The counting of jail time is from 3/14/01, the date when the defendant was arrested.

The secretary will prepare a prison order accordingly.

We have to point out that if it wasn't for the defendant's old age and his guilty plea; and the fact that at least as this stage he decided to make things easier for his granddaughter and not put her on the stand, and not cause her further suffering—we wouldn't have hesitated from giving him a more severe sentence. And even then we wouldn't have assumed that it would express even a little of the suffering he caused her.

Additionally, we require the defendant to pay the complainant a compensation that will be a symbolic compensation only, in the sum of 50,000 shekels. This sum will carry interest and inflation rates according to the law from today and until the time it is actually paid.

Due to the nature of this procedure, the discussion in this case was done behind closed doors. However, now that the judgment was made, we believe that indeed the goal of this sentencing is to deter others so that they see and beware. Accordingly, we allow publication of this judgment.

If it were possible, we would have allowed the publication of the defendant's name and this is so that beyond the jail time we sentenced him for, his deeds would be public knowledge so that the sigh of Cain would be branded on his forehead. However, exposing his name would necessarily mean that the identity of his granddaughter, and would add onto the already great harm for his young children. Therefore, and to protect the complainant and the rest of his family, it is forbidden to publish any identifying details of the defendant and the family members.

At the end of this painful procedure, we want to address the complainant, the defendant's granddaughter. We do not presume with this punishment or any other punishment to heal the wound that the defendant did to your soul. It is not always possible to mend a wrong that was done by one man by the deeds of another man. Our hope is that the courage you had to bring this affair in front of the court and the deterring punishment, would save a similar fate, and even if for one girl or boy, and that this would be your comfort.

It was explained to the defendant that he has the right to appeal to the supreme court within 45 days from today.

It was given today, the twenty-first of Kislev, December 6th 2001, in the presence of the defendant, the defense attorney, and the representative of the prosecution.

Authorized for public from 12/6/01.

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Basic Principles of Assertive Philosophy

Basic Principles of Assertive Philosophy

1. By standing up for my rights I show I respect myself and achieve respect from other people.
2. By covering up my feelings so as to never hurt anyone, I end up hurting myself and other people.
3. Sacrificing my rights usually results in destroying relationships or preventing new ones from forming.
4. Not letting others know how I feel and what I think is a form of selfishness.
5. Sacrificing my rights usually results in training other people to mistreat me.
6. If I don't tell other people now, that their behavior has a negative effect on me, we are denying them an opportunity to change their behavior.
7. I can decide what's important for me, I do not have to suffer from the tyranny of the should and should not.
8. When I do what I think is right for me, I feel better about myself and have more authentic and satisfying relationships with others.
9. I have a natural right to courtesy and respect.
10. I have a right to express myself as long as I don't violate the rights of others.
11. There is more to be gained from life by being free and able to stand up for myself and from honoring the same rights of other people.
12. When I am assertive everyone involved will usually benefit.

Case of Ya'akov Ha'elyon

Case of Ya'akov Ha'elyon

(AKA: Ya'akov Haelyon, Jacob Haelyon)

Former Journalist - Ma'ariv, Tel Aviv Israel

Husband of the Principal - Tel Aviv Arts School, Tel Aviv, Israel

Convicted on charges of sexually assaulting two teenage girls.  Ya'akov Ha'elyon met the two girls over the Internet and invited then to theater plays where he committed the offenses. 

In October 2002, the body of his wife, Yael Ha'elyon, was found outside the window of her Tel Aviv apartment. Family members said that she likely overdosed on painkillers she was taking for back pains, but police suspected she committed suicide over the allegations against her husband.

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Disclaimer: Inclusion in this website does not constitute a recommendation or endorsement. Individuals must decide for themselves if the resources meet their own personal needs.

Table of Contents:

2002

1. Yael Ha'elyon, founder of TA Arts School, falls to her death (10/14/2002)
2. Police checking new info in death of TA arts school principal  (10/21/2002)
3. Complaint filed against widower of TA Arts School principal  (10/22/2002)
4. It's not the midriff, stupid (10/29/2002)
5. Widower of TA Arts School principal held over sex charges  (11/03/2002)

2008

1. Journalist Yaakov Ha'elyon convicted of having sex with minor (11/11/2008)

2009

1. Former journalist Haelyon jailed for statutory rape  (04/20/2009)

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Yael Ha'elyon, founder of TA Arts School, falls to her death

By Relly Sa’ar

Haaretz - October 14, 2002

Yael Ha'elyon, 64, founder and principal of the Tel Aviv Arts School, was found dead at dawn Saturday at the foot of her 13th floor apartment on Shaul Hamelech Boulevard in Tel Aviv.

Her husband, former Ma'ariv journalist Ya'akov Ha'elyon, said she had been speaking on the telephone early in the morning, "and apparently fell out of the window." He noted that his wife "had been suffering severe backaches and was on medication." Yael Ha'elyon left two children and three grandchildren. Her funeral will take place today.

Rumors that Ha'elyon had committed suicide presented the city's educational psychologists with a difficult dilemma. "On one hand, we had the family's formal version, that the principal tripped and fell from the window. But this version alone would undermine the teachers' credibility as far as the pupils are concerned," said Rahel Tusman, head of the municipal psychological services yesterday, on the first day of mourning at the Arts School.

"As long as no suicide letter has been seen, it's not our job to be coroners but to take care of the children," she said.

Tusman said both pupils and teachers were grief stricken, but some also expressed anger. "Why did she do it, why did she leave us," they asked. After the seven mourning days of shiva, a team of psychologists will set up counseling workshops in the school to help pupils deal with mental distress.

A mother of a ninth grade painting pupil said: "It's important the adults send an unequivocal message: suicide is wrong. Teenagers have a frightening tendency to take life lightly. The matter must be dealt with."

Founded by Ha'elyon 18 years ago, the Arts School was the first in Israel to combine elementary school studies with an emphasis on music, dance, theater, plastic arts and cinema. She served as the school's principal since then. The Arts School accepts only gifted pupils after strict selection exams and charges an annual NIS 7,000 for tuition.

"Her death is a huge loss to education in Tel Aviv," said former mayor Shlomo Lahat, who first allowed the charismatic woman to open the school. "Ha'elyon was an authoritative figure who knew how to impose her authority on teachers and pupils in pleasant ways. The school has a strong culture of firm discipline, standards were very high and there were no incidents of violence in it, thanks to the principal," Lahat said.

Two years ago, the Arts School moved to a spacious campus, following a $6 million donation by the Arison family, matched by the municipality, a member of the school's parents committee said. He added that Ha'elyon used the parents committee to raise funds for projects the city would not finance. For example, the parents contributed $300,000 to open a cinema studies department, and helped purchase musical instruments and computer equipment.

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Police checking new info in death of TA arts school principal

By Haim Shadmi, Relly Sa'ar and Ronnie Zinger

Haaretz - October 21, 2002

The Yarkon District Police are investigating new information they have received regarding the circumstances of the death last week of Yael Ha'elyon, the founder and principal of the prestigious Tel Aviv Arts School. Ha'elyon was found dead at dawn two Saturdays ago at the foot of her 8th floor apartment building on Shaul Hamelech Boulevard in Tel Aviv after police believed that she jumped to her death.

On the Friday preceding her death, Ha'elyon received information that the police were looking into accusations by two sisters regarding their relationship with her husband, Ya'akov.

On Sunday, one of the sisters, 20, and her parents, testified that the relationship with Ya'akov Ha'elyon started via the Internet, and ultimately resulted in intimate sexual relations.

The second sister, 14, is currently undergoing treatment at an institute for the sexually abused. The two sisters have yet to file a complaint, but police sources said Sunday night that it seems as if the mother and her two daughters are interested, "in turning their testimony into a complaint."

Preliminary reports into the cause of Ha'elyon's death show that she was not suffering from any serious diseases and was not taking sedatives or other drugs.

Responding to the family's claims that her death was not a suicide, police sources said that for now they do not suspect a criminal motive.

So far, police have not made any connection between the new information that has come to light and the suspected suicide. However, if a complaint is lodged with the police and an investigation begins, then police will check all possible avenues.

Ya'akov Ha'elyon was hospitalized over the weekend after falling ill. His attorney, Ronel Fischer, told Israel Radio that his client was in "very serious condition and that his life was in danger." Fischer added that people were in too much of a hurry to draw conclusions in the case. "This is real tragedy, and so far there are only words and not facts," he said.

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Complaint filed against widower of TA Arts School principal

By Haim Shadmi, Relly Sa'ar and Roni Singer-Heruti

Haaretz - October 22, 2002

A 14-year-old girl has filed an official police complaint against Ya'akov Ha'elyon - the widower of Yael Ha'elyon, founder and principal of the prestigious Tel Aviv Arts School - for sexual assault. Yael Ha'elyon was found dead at the foot of her apartment building on Shaul Hamelech Boulevard in Tel Aviv last week, and police believe she jumped to her death from the eighth story. Her family claims she fell off the balcony while talking on the phone.

As a result of the complaint, police will start an investigation of Ha'elyon, who will be summoned to the Yarkon district police headquarters for questioning.

After Yael Ha'elyon's death, details emerged suggesting that on the day before her death, Ha'elyon received information that police were looking into accusations made by two sisters regarding their relationship with her husband, Ya'akov.

One of the sisters, aged 22, came to the Yarkon District Police station last Sunday morning to give testimony about her relationship with Ya'akov Ha'elyon, which she says started on the Internet and ultimately resulted in intimate sexual relations.

Her younger sister, 14, is currently undergoing treatment at an institute for victims of sexual abuse.

Preliminary autopsy findings showed that Ha'elyon was not suffering from any serious diseases and was not taking sedatives or other drugs.

Responding to the family's claims that her death was not a suicide, police sources said that they do not suspect any criminal action and believe that Ha'elyon took her own life.

Ya'akov Ha'elyon was hospitalized last weekend after falling ill. His attorney, Ronel Fischer, told Israel Radio that his client was in "very serious condition" and that his life was in danger. Fischer added that people were in too much of a hurry to draw conclusions in the case. "This is a real tragedy, and so far there are only words and not facts," he said.

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It's not the midriff, stupid

By Avirama Golan

Haaretz Daily - October 29, 2002

Picture this. In a small Haredi [ultra-Orthodox] town - say Bnei Brak - one woman, known for her piety and for being the daughter of an esteemed Hasidic rabbi, ran an excellent educational institution. The parents admired her, the teachers idolized her, and the school was known all over the country for being an example of the best in Haredi education.

Then one day, out of the blue, the woman died under mysterious circumstances. Everyone thought she must have been very ill, but a few days after her death, the truth begin to come out.

At the woman's funeral, her husband complained about wanton behavior that had spread among the girls in the educational institution. The mourners were all choked up. A little girl said the principal's husband had hit on her, and her family threatened to go to the police.

Afterward, the family changed their minds and decided to hush everything up so as not to make waves. Some of the young teachers also admitted that the husband, who used to hang around the school yard for some reason, had dropped outrageous and embarrassing hints.

Suddenly it turned out that all the parents had known something was afoot and kept quiet, because it would be unpleasant for them to have to embarrass the rabbi's daughter. Now, proclaimed all the secular newspapers, the poor girl and all the other students would pay the price for lies, ultra-conservatism and brutal Haredi chauvinism. To maintain their social order, they were willing to place the blame on the women - even on an innocent girl.

But this scandalous affair did not take place in Bnei Brak - it happened in Tel Aviv. And not just Tel Aviv either, but in a showcase of enlightened secular liberalism - the Tel Aviv Arts School. And the principal was not the daughter of a rabbi, but Yael Ha'elyon, an highly regarded educator.

The parents and teachers all knew - as is now becoming apparent from all the articles and from conversations with them - about a number of unpleasant incidents in which the principal's husband was involved, but they remained silent "because it was unpleasant for them." And when one brave girl finally did what all the teachers are always teaching all the children to do - complain - the system could have been expected to protect her. It would keep the harasser at bay, support her, protect all the students, use all the educational and psychological means at its disposal. But it didn't.

Now the 14-year-old girl has to bear the burden and silence of guilt. Neither the beloved principal nor her husband will be able to beg her forgiveness, or at least explain to her why they, the wonderful and admired adults, fell apart when she did the right thing. And as though that weren't enough, all the far-flung evil genies are raising their heads to say: "What's the problem, the strange and repugnant remark made by Ya'akov Ha'elyon over his wife's open grave - regarding girls who entice boys with revealing clothes - is not so strange.

On the contrary, claims columnist Ron Maiberg in the mass-circulation daily Ma'ariv (and many probably nodded in agreement), the girls, with their low-cut jeans and their exposed midriffs, have crossed the boundaries of good taste. It's no wonder that the perverts "hidden among us" want to rape them.

It's a shame that in 2002, and after Israel has passed such effective laws regarding sexual harassment, it is still necessary to go over the ground rules. Sexual deviants, rapists and the mentally ill who cannot distinguish right from wrong, are not especially well versed in matters of fashion - nor even in matters of outward appearance.

Young brides from the Vishnitz Hasidic community, for example, cover not only their midriffs and their heads, but even their elbows and necks, yet despite this a pervert deceived them and raped them in their own homes. Not to mention all the five-year-olds and three-year-olds who have fallen victim to sexual assaults by pedophiles. Were they immodestly dressed, too?

The most severe consequence of the Ha'elyon affair is the fact that attention has been diverted from the personal tragedy and the educational failure to the girls' midriffs. If the woman teachers are swept up in this ugly witch hunt of girls aged 10 or 12, in order to suppress the panic, they will be adding insult to injury.

It is still not too late for adults to remind every young boy and girl that they must report every harassment. This is because a secret is something dark and evil and they, the adults, are always prepared to protect them, to support them and to go to bat for them in time of trouble. These - not clothes, or keeping covered, or self-righteous and hypocritical concern - are the order and stability that children need in this world.

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Widower of TA Arts School principal held over sex charges

By Roni Singer-Heruti

Haaretz - November 3, 2002

The Tel Aviv Magistrates Court rejected Sunday night an appeal by Ya'akov Ha'elyon to be released from custody, after police detained him for questioning on suspicion of raping and sexually assaulting a 14-year-old girl.

The girl filed an official police complaint against Ha'elyon - the widower of Yael Ha'elyon, founder and principal of the prestigious Tel Aviv Arts School - for sexual assault. Yael Ha'elyon was found dead at the foot of her apartment building on Shaul Hamelech Boulevard in Tel Aviv last month, and police believe she jumped to her death from the eighth story after hearing that her husband was to be accused of assault. Her family claims she fell off the balcony while talking on the phone.

Ha'eylon's attorney claimed that his client, who has been hospitalized in the Abarbanel psychiatric hospital since the death of his wife, should not be held in prison - a claim rejected by the judge, who extended his remand by 10 days.

As a result of the complaint, police began an investigation into Ha'elyon, who was taken from Arbarbanel hospital in Bat Yam to the Yarkon district police headquarters for questioning.

After Yael Ha'elyon's death, details emerged suggesting that on the day before her death, Ha'elyon received information that police were looking into accusations made by two sisters regarding their relationship with her husband.

One of the sisters, aged 22, came to the Yarkon District Police station last Sunday morning to give testimony about her relationship with Ya'akov Ha'elyon, which she says started on the Internet and ultimately resulted in intimate sexual relations.

Her younger sister, 14, is currently undergoing treatment at an institute for victims of sexual abuse.

Preliminary autopsy findings showed that Ha'elyon was not suffering from any serious diseases and was not taking sedatives or other drugs at the time of her death.

Responding to the family's claims that her death was not a suicide, police sources said that they do not suspect any criminal action and believe that Ha'elyon took her own life.

Ya'akov Ha'elyon was hospitalized last weekend after falling ill. His attorney, Ronel Fischer, told Israel Radio that his client was in "very serious condition" and that his life was in danger. Fischer added that people were in too much of a hurry to draw conclusions in the case. "This is a real tragedy, and so far there are only words and not facts," he said.

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Journalist Yaakov Ha'elyon convicted of having sex with minor 
Jerusalem Post - November 11, 2008

The Tel Aviv District Court on Tuesday convicted former journalist Yaakov Ha'elyon, 71, of having sexual relations with a 14-year-old minor and committing indecent acts against her 21-year-old sister more than six years ago. Israel Radio reported that Ha'elyon met the two girls over the Internet and invited then to theater plays where he committed the offenses. Ha'eylon denies all charges and maintains that all contact with the two was innocent. In October 2002, the body of his wife, Yael Ha'elyon, was found outside the window of her Tel Aviv apartment. Family members said that she likely overdosed on painkillers she was taking for back pains, but police suspected she committed suicide over the allegations against her husband.

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Former journalist Haelyon jailed for statutory rape
Jerusalem Post - April 20, 2009

"He who has mercy on the cruel, will end up being cruel to the merciful," says judge after sentencing 72-year-old war casualty.

Former journalist and author Ya'akov Haelyon, 72, was sentenced to a year in jail Monday in the Tel Aviv District Court for the statutory rape of a 14-year-old girl and committing an indecent act on her older sister. 

Haelyon was also given a six-month suspended sentence and was ordered to pay NIS 20,000 in compensation. The trial had lasted more than six years, with the defense repeatedly trying to postpone it, citing Haelyon's medical condition. Judge Hanan Efrati wrote that he had decided to give Haelyon a prison sentence despite his age and the fact that he had been wounded in two wars fighting for Israel, losing a leg and an eye and suffering from severe headaches which brought on anger attacks. The judge wrote that he had taken into account Haelyon's age, that he had no prior criminal record and that the chances of him posing a danger to the public were slim. Nevertheless, citing the "pattern of criminal behavior" he said the offenses still warranted a significant punishment. "He who has mercy on the cruel, will end up being cruel to the merciful," said the judge. Shortly before his arrest, Haelyon's wife died when she fell out of the window of their apartment building. Press reports at the time suggested she had learned of the allegations against her husband just prior to her death. 

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 "Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has." –– Margaret Mead

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Guidelines and Rules to Protect Children from sexual predators - Ad Hoc Bais Din of Chicago

The following statement was made public as a result of the Ad Hoc Bais Din of Chicago deliberated on what to do with the allegations of a rabbi/teacher sexual abused children at Jewish Day School in the Chicago area.  Unfortunately, Chicago is like every other orthodox community. They attempt to do their own investigations when there are suspecions of abuse or neglect, instead of making hotline or police reports.

Please note in the following article the name of the alleged offender,  Rabbi Tzvi Wainhaus's  was never mentioned.

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Guidelines and Rules Aimed at Protecting Our Children
Jewish Image Magazine (Page 46)
Fall 2000, Tishrei 5761

Rabbi Tzvi Wainhaus

Under NO Circumstances whatsoever may the perpetrator teach in any classroom situation or any private or tutorial situation with any students, nor may he enter any school building at any time under any circumstances. Included in school buildings are any kollel buildings (adult learning center) that are open during non-school hours, such as during the summer, all school holidays,as well as Sundays and after school hours. He may not go to any mikvah (ritual bath) anywhere in the world at any time, including erev Shabbos, Erev Yom Tov, erev Rosh Hashanah and erev Yom HaKipurim (the night before Yom Kippur begins).

He may not go to any J.C.C. (Jewish Community Center) or any swimming facility anywhere at any time. He many not sue the restroom in any synagogue, yeshiva, kollel, or any other Jewish facility at any time, even if this will force him to miss davening (praying) or krias HaTorah or learning. The only exception is during the times that it is permissible to be in a kollel as enumerated above. During those times, and those times only, it is permissible for him to use the restroom.  No children, even his own, are allowed in his house at any time while he is present until the ad hoc bais din is advised to the contrary by his therapist.

He may not attend any simchas (celebrations), including weddings, bar mitzvahs, bas mitzvahs, kiddushim, brissim, vorts (lectures), banquets, or any other simcha anywhere or any time until the ad hoc bais din is advised to the contrary by his therapist.  He must be engaged in regularly scheduled uninterrupted intensive therapy with a therapist with whom the bais din is advised to the contrary by his therapist.

The Bais Din (Jewish Court), after much deliberation, and taking into consideration his health problems, will allow him to daven in different area shuls on Shabbos, even though there are children present, with the understanding that every Rav (Rabbi) will be made aware of his name, and to make sure that there is surveillance whenever he leaves the sanctuary to use the restrooms or any other area of the building. Any Rabbi not wishing to take on this responsibility has the right to prohibit him from davening (praying) in their shul.

Rabbi Gedaliah Dov Schwartz
Rabbi Avraham Chaim Levin
Rabbi Shmuel Furest
Rabbi Zev Cohen