The right to heal from child sexual abuse
By Vicki Polin
The Examiner - November 28, 2012
One
of the most important aspects of helping a sex crime survivor heal is
to encourage them to find ways to feel empowered. This is a critical
step because during the crime(s) committed against the survivor, choice
was taken away from them. By allowing a survivor to choose what happens
to them after the assault and encouraging them to trust their own
judgement and make decisions, an individual who was a victim of a sex
crime can begin to regain a sense of self. It is for this reason that it
is vitally important for someone working with survivors to stay
unbiased, neutral and non-manipulative when it comes to survivors
choosing NOT to file police reports or having their cases prosecuted.
Over the last few years various individuals have been acting on their own, or created their own organizations,
declaring that they were experts and knew how to advocate for survivors
–– and solve the problem of sex crimes in the chasidic world in
Brooklyn. It appears that it has become standard policy to manipulate survivors
into making police reports or having the survivor blackmail their
offenders into making cash payments to them to avoid potential
prosecution.
The mindset of these untrained advocates has been that unless a
survivor makes a police reports and have the offenders prosecuted
whenever possible, even if it goes against the wish of the survivor --
the survivor can not heal. What ends up happening is that the crime
victim ends up feeling re-victimized which may lead to an increase of
instances of self-harm, a few suicide attempts and even death.
 |
| Jim Hopper, Phd |
When asked if survivors should press charges against their offenders? and, If so, when? Psychologist Jim Hopper,
who is a clinical instructor in psychology at Harvard Medical School,
replied: “It depends on so many factors. What if any relationship does
the person who was abused have with the perpetrator now?” “And what
about relationships of the abused person's family members and other
significant people with the perpetrator, and what if any influence does
the perpetrator have in the community?”
The number one concern needs to be to help the survivor heal and make
sure they have a strong support system in place, prior to making a
police report –– if that’s what they choose to do.
“Because statutes of limitations can differ across states and
countries, it's critical to know how long the person has to decide
whether or not to press charges.”
“The person may need helping sorting out what they are hoping to
achieve [by a licensed mental health professional who specializes in
sexual abuse/assault], which may include holding to account, revenge,
protecting others -- and it's always a mix of motives. It's also
important to take an inventory of the resources one can bring to what
could be a long and very difficult process. Internal resources include
realistic expectations about he process and outcomes, and one's capacity
to deal with major disappointments. External resources include money,
competent attorneys, and support from family and friends.”
“Finally," says Hopper, "people should be cautioned that once they go
the legal route and involve attorneys (who have a financial motive,
even if they also have a strong motive to seek justice), then other
potential avenues of healing and justice involving the perpetrator will
most likely get shut down, permanently. This may be most important for
those whose perpetrators are family members.”
Polly Poskin, who has been the executive director of ICASA (Illinois Coalition Against Sexual Assault) for just over 31 years, and who has authored numerous laws in Illinois, shared her thoughts on this topic:
Polly Poskin, who has been the executive director of ICASA (Illinois Coalition Against Sexual Assault) for just over 31 years, and who has authored numerous laws in Illinois, shared her thoughts on this topic:
 |
| Polly Poskin - Executive director of ICASA |
"It should always be the survivor's choice whether to request that
criminal charges be filed against her or his perpetrator. If a survivor
chooses to request charges be filed, it is best for the investigation
that she or he report sooner than later, but that is often impossible
for a victim of child sexual abuse. The perpetrator may be a family
member or a friend of the family, or a teacher or her spiritual leader.
How would a child challenge such authority? How would a child find his
or her own way to a prosecutor's office? Thanks to victim advocates
who have gone through the forty hour training and educated policy
makers, laws have changed to accommodate the barriers faced by survivors
of child sexual abuse. For instance, in Illinois, a survivor of child
sexual abuse can request that criminal charges be brought against her
perpetrator up to 20 years past the age of majority (20 years of age).
This law recognizes that a child may have to grow into adulthood before
she has the physical independence and emotional strength to seek justice
for the heinous abuse perpetrated against her as an innocent, dependent
child. All survivors have remarkable resilience and awesome courage.
They may need supportive loved ones and/or victim advocates to help push
open the doors of a once reluctant criminal justice system. We all have
an obligation to create access where once denied and promote justice
when so well deserved."
The key words in both Hopper’s and Poskin’s responses were that
survivors need to be given the choice. Yes, it is important to inform
the survivor of all legal remedies available to them, yet victim
advocates MUST provide survivors of these options from a nonjudgmental,
unbiased perspective.
One of the most important aspects of working with survivors of sex
crimes or any form of child abuse is to follow the survivors own agenda.
A trained victims advocate will learn how to separate out what they
personally want a survivor to do, from what the needs and wants of the
individual they are trying help needs and wants to do.
Unfortunately, this is not what always happens with untrained,
self-proclaimed victim advocates. There has been case after case in
which self-proclaimed advocates have jumped on the bandwagon and
inadvertently pressure survivors to follow an agenda that is not in the
best interest of the individual survivor.
 |
| Michael J. Salamon, PhD |
New York Psychologist, researcher and author, Michael J. Salamon reiterated
the views of Dr. Hopper when he stated: “Every survivor comes with
their own history and pain. Some survivors are more resilient, others
more motivated. The question can and should be answered by each
individual survivor after they have explored the benefits and costs to
them in their own therapy.”
 |
| Timothy J. Conlon |
Attorney Timothy J. Conlon
who’s law office is in Providence, Rhode Island shares the views of
therapists in stating: “The most difficult cases are those in which no
other victims have come forward. Being the first is hard. That said,
more often than not even the first finds they are the first of many to
come forward, once they find the strength. I suggest having the support
of your therapist in making the decision that you are strong enough to
hold the perp accountable, and when you are, to do so.”
 |
| Mic Hunter, PhD |
Author/Psychologist, Mic Hunter
shared “I counsel clients that the legal process criminal and civil
are very stressful. If going through the courts empowers the client then
I am all for it. But if the stress of the court system puts the client
at serious risk of suicide or other serious problems then I don't think
it is worth that. Also I ask the survivor what he or she hope to get
from court proceedings. Inhale found that even some of those who get a
settlement from a civil case, or see their perpetrator go to prison are
still left dis-satisfied because they wanted the offender to say he or
she is sorry, but that doesn't happen.”
 |
| Jim Austin -Social Worker |
Social worker, Jim Austin
of Peterborough, Ontario Canada who specializes in working with adult
survivors of child sexual abuse, believes that a survivor should only
utilize the legal system “when and if they [survivors of child sexual
abuse] have the strength to speak their truth. If a Survivor chooses to
proceed, they should be sure to have a support network in place. It's
going to be a bumpy ride.”
If you are a survivor of a sex crime and live in Brooklyn or any
place else, it is imperative that if someone calls themselves an
advocate and wants to work with you, be sure this individual is trained
and connected to a legitimate rape crisis center affiliated with your
states coalition against sexual assault. It is the only way you can be
sure that the “advocate” has gone through the proper training program
and is being supervised by a trained professional.
If you are a crime victim and feel as if someone is trying to
manipulate you or is suggesting that you on your own blackmail your
offender into financially compensating you in exchange for not reporting
the crime to the police, it is important to report these incidents to
your local states attorney’s office. It is important to know that any
form of manipulating a crime victim can also be seen as a form of witness tampering,
which is a crime and depending on the circumstances the defendant could
face jail time. As a survivor you have a right to decide for yourself
if and when you make a police report -- let alone have your offender
prosecuted. You have a right to heal in what ever manor works best for
you.
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