The New Generation: How young adult hassidim are changing
by Vicki Polin
Examiner - June 26, 2012
It’s hard to believe that a month has passed since the historic rally in Queens where over 500 Jewish survivors of sexual abuse and their supporters joined forces in protest outside of Citi Field.
Their goal was to shine a very bright light on the plight of
ultra-orthodox Jewish children growing up in hassdic communities in
which their civil rights have been taken away from them by rabbinic
leaders. These are the very same religious leaders who organized a
rally to control the lives of their followers by reiterating their ban
of the internet.
The survivors historic “Asifa” (gathering) against child sexual abuse
was created as a reaction to the chassidic communities gathering of an
estimated 60,000 mostly hasidic men and boys, which filled Citi Field in
Queens for the highly publicized, mandated to attend program.Attempting
to ban the internet is nothing new to the Jewish orthodox world. The
first rabbinic round began back in 2005 when the cases of rabbis Marc Gafni (AKA: Mordechai Gafni, Mordechai Winiarz), J. Hershy Worch and Mordecai Tendler broke –– and bloggers Jewish Whistleblower, Jewish Survivors of Sexual Abuse Speak Out, New Hempstead News, The Committee For Rabbinic Integrity and organization, The Awareness Center
were building momentum in educating the orthodox world of the
prominence that sexual abuse had in their communities and the
ramifications it has on its people.
One can only guess that over the last seven years since rabbonim
started censoring and banning the internet in the homes of
ultra-orthodox Jewish followers, and the estimated 3 million dollars
spent were spent on the more recent Asifa against the internet that
hassidic leaders are feeling they are loosing control of the monopoly
they had over the lives of their followers. Why else would they spent
so much money and demanded that every hasidic male over the age of
thirteen attend the Asifa?
The chassidic leaders newest actions has brought about another new
wave of activists who are demanding accountability from their leaders.
This fourth wave of advocates include Ari Mandel, his brother Eli and
Chanie Friedman. All three are a part of the OTD (Off The Derech)
community, which is made up of individuals who grew up orthodox and
chose to move into the secular lifestyle.
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| Ari Mandel is dedicated to protecting chassidic children |
Twenty-nine year old, Ari Mandel describes himself as “the leader of
the pack . . . King of the hell raisers”. Eight weeks prior to the
survivors rally, child molestation and the frum community was way down
on the list of important things in his life. Ari had left the
ultra-orthodox world back in 2006.
The following year he joined the
United States Army. Mandel stated he joined the military for a
multitude of reasons, but mostly because he wanted to go to college, and
was up for an adventure. What’s amazing about Ari’s desire to be
educated is that having a secular education of any kind is frowned upon
in the hasidic world. A world in which most do not know how to read or
write in English, even though they are going to schools in the USA. As
Ari stated, “I’m not the same human being I was 10 years ago. I taught
myself to read and write.”
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| Ari Mandel during his years living in the chassidic community |
When Ari Mandel returned back to civilian life, he began to look back
at his chasidic roots. About nine weeks ago he went to his sisters
home for shabbos dinner (Jewish sabbath). During a conversation that
evening he learned that one of his cousins attempted suicide at the age
of 15, after being sexually abused by a camp counselor. During that
meal he learned about the internet ban and the gathering being organized
by chasidic leaders. With all his anger and energy, Ari knew he had to
do something, stating “I was at the right place at the right time
perfect storm.” Right after shabbos, he signed himself on to Facebook,
while thinking to himself “Where’s the rabbinic Asifa (gathering) about
child molestation?”
Once online, Ari started to talk to his Facebook friend, Chanie
Friedman. During their conversation Chanie suggested in jest that they
should protest the rabbis. A light went off in Ari head and started
organizing. Within 12 hours after creating a special page on Facebook
for a rally –– “everything thing exploded.” Over night there were over
10,000 invites to the group. Ari pulled in his younger brother Eli for
help, along with Motie Weiss and Sue Donim to help organize an event
much bigger then Ari could have ever imagined.
Ari Mandel believes that this protest rally was so successful
because, he and his partners have all walked away from the chasidic
lifestyle, yet know it inside out. If they were still part of the
community they wouldn’t have been able to pull it off. Not only would
they have been threatened and kicked out of shul (synagogue), their
children would have been kicked out of camp and school. Ari currently
works part time for the government.
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| Eli Mandel, Activist for children's rights |
Twenty-seven year old, Eli Mandel is very proud of his big brother
Ari for putting together the protest rally, “internet is not the
problem”. Eli, who is an observant Jew and currently lives in
Cleveland, stated that “in the early stages we weren’t that focused on
child abuse as being the main point . . . We also were considering
focusing in on the fact that all too often hasidic families don’t stick
together when a child no longer doesn’t want to stay religious or if
their religious views differ then their parents." Eli stated it was his
idea to keep the groups focus on child molestation within their
community.
Eli didn’t realize that his cousin was being molested when he got
involved it wasn’t until a few weeks later that his brother Ari,
disclosed to him what had happened. Eli’s younger cousin, at the age
of 15 overdosed on drugs in an attempt to kill himself. This knowledge
made him really want to put everything he had in doing what he could to
protect other kids from his cousins fate.
One of the Mandel’s younger brother’s was also at the rally at citi
field. With his parents blessing, the third Mandel brother missed a day
of school to be a part of this landmark event. When he returned to
school the next day he learned his rosh yeshiva (principal of the
school) gave a lecture to his classmates regarding the harm his older
brother Ari was doing to the Jewish people, by organizing such a rally.
As soon their mother learned about what happened she dis-enrolled her
son from the school stating “we don’t have to put up with this crap.”
Eli went on to explain that the whole dynamic of the OTD movement is
made up of mostly of individuals who walked away from ultra-orthodox
world. Some of the individuals who originally helped to organizer the
initial rally were angry and wanted to make drastic changes in the frum
world, and not involve other movements of Judaism. Each person came to
the rally from various different types of experiences and had their own
personal reasons to be there.
Eli, went on to say, “I’m still frum, yet not like how I grew up.
Ari’s friend said I didn’t know Ari had a brother that’s still frum.
I’m not chassidic... There were way to many problems within the
community . . . An example is like the way they tried to cover things
up like in the murder of Leiby Kletsky.” I also think it’s ridiculous
to have to go to a rabbi for everything. . . I really didn’t know much
about the issue of sexual abuse, yet the Institutional power structure
gets me very angry.”
"I was talking to one of the rabbis Cleveland, he told me that if a
young man is a molester he would tell the offender to go to the mikvah,
it would help with with his problems. This rav is an American gadol (a
rabbi’s rabbi). I’ve been very fortunate to be a member of a synagogue
that is very supportive of what I’m doing. I come to New York from
Cleveland for each of the rallies with the blessing of my rabbi.
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| Eli Mandel protesting outside of Citi Field |
"In the future, our groups goals include having Agudath Israel of
America to change their policies when it comes to dealing with law
enforcement, to ensure all schools do criminal background checks on all
employees at schools, camps and anywhere else children are present...Our
main goal for now is not to allow survivors of sexual abuse to be
victimized again and to show our support to them in courtrooms.”
"I am the director of a program within Jewish Family services in
Cleveland called, Mesila (providing a path to financial stability). My
organization provides financial education to adults, we basically teach
budgeting. During seminars I pull out a picture of an ostrich with head
in sand, to make a point about the importance of budgeting I’d like to
do the same thing with the frum community, when it comes to many topics,
including sexual abuse. It’s obvious they are too afraid to look.”
"I wear my yarmulke with pride. At the rally at Citi Field various
frum men came up to me telling me that they really wanted to stand along
side me if they could. These men fear they would be retaliated against
if they did. One rabbi said that he was even symathetic to the cause,
yet stated wasn’t in a personal place to stand beside the protesters at
this time...Let’s not open that can of worms.”
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| Chanie Friedman, mother, student and activist for the rights of children |
Chanie Friedman is a thirty-four year old divorced mother of two and a
full time student. Recently she finished her associates degree in fine
arts, and is hoping to transfer to Columbia College to continue her
studies She sends her kids go to public school, yet her nieces and
nephews attend frum schools. She worries about her relatives, fearing
that one of them could be abused.
Chanie grew up in the hasidic community of Crown Heights and started
leaving the observant world when she was around the age of sixteen or
seventeen.
Chanie’s parents were baal teshuvas (BT’s), and because of that she
always had ties to the secular world. Chanie shared that growing up
that she wasn’t “super sheltered” and that unlike most girls growing up
in Crown Heights, she “was raised to speak up for herself.”
Because Chanie’s parents were BTs she was exposed to the idea of independent thinking.
“Growing up I didn’t make trouble, so I didn’t get in trouble. I attended all of the major chabad school in Crown Heights."
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| Chanie Friedman and Ari Mandel at the Brooklyn DA's Office |
Chanie originally met Ari Mandel in OTD circles. While talking on
the internet both Ari and Chanie became outraged at all the money and
time the rabbonim were spending on banning the internet while ignoring
the fact that hasidic children were being abused.
"I’ve always been outspoken about this for years." Chanie also stated
that she never thought she would get involved with something like a
protest rally, yet everything just seemed to happen and it was the
perfect moment for it. “Once you come to a point and realize what’s
going on, you can’t really NOT get involved . . . with the politics, the
double speak . . . .it’s amazing and shocking but I’m getting immune to
it.
Chanie went on to say that “I’m the younger crowd that is changing,
more aware and more enlightened . . . So much you hear from rabbonim
that an alleged child molester has changed or being watched . . . you
know that’s not the truth and something has to be done to protect
children.”
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